Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages Finale - Age of the Fall

Previously on Oracle of Ages... Queen Ambi became Locutus of the Borg. Now, Link must face the horror that is Dungeon 7, along with whatever not-as-bad stuff happens after that.

Young mermaid? Excuse me? It's merman! MERMAN!

A cave is found here. I'm liking the color scheme of this game a lot, by the way. So much variety.

King Zora lurks in the cave, and he enlightens Link on the location of Lord Jabu-Jabu. The giant fish lurks somewhere nearby, as is tradition.

Following a trip to the library and some nonsense involving Fairy Powder and octoroks that are actually hot women who got transformed, I arrive at...

"Il Kingfish" Lord Jabu-Jabu. Number one on the FBI's most wanted, sought in connection with NUMEROUS mob hits. When people talk about "sleeping with the fishes", they're talking about people who crossed Il Kingfish.

Level 7 is the inside of Jabu-Jabu. Looks like a regular dungeon to me. Just roll with it, I guess. It's the most confusing dungeon since Ocarina of Time's Water Temple, though it has gotten none of the fanfare over the years (probably due to being on a "mere" portable system).

There are some side-scrolling parts here, and most of the dungeon involves water (tide-levels are a big part of it).

The miniboss is a giant fish. It somehow manages to be much more difficult than the Angler Fish - which was a full boss - in Link's Awakening. Heh, "somehow"... the Angler Fish was probably the easiest boss in the whole series. It was memorable, though. No one remembers this thing, even though it puts up quite a battle.

The big boss is...a...yanno, I can't tell. It's an easy fight, which is great considering how tough the dungeon was. I realize I haven't gone very into why the dungeon is so bad... just think of the Water Temple in Ocarina and multiply the confusion by two.

Now that I've cured Lord Jabu Jabu's pancreatic herpes, the Zoras immediately give me the item I need to reach Dungeon 8. I can almost see the oasis that is Oracle of Seasons on the way...

But first! A ghost ship draws near.

I figured the ship would be a dungeon, but the undead pirates are surprisingly friendly.

The captain mentions that they're going to head for Holodrum, the setting of Oracle of Seasons. I'll be seeing these guys again.

They also give Link a lizardman eyeball as a peace offering. What is this, Sons of Anarchy? Though I'll admit that there's no love lost between me and the lizardmen. Item-stealing jerks.

Getting to Dungeon 8 is a bit of a process. I thought this was the entrance, but it's just the beginning. This takes you to a cave...

...BRIMMING with mummies to fight, and I left the Fire Rod in a different game.

The cave leads to an extensive maze on a distant island, where those cool Lynel enemies from the first game show up en masse. Make your way through this maze, and you'll find...

...Dungeon 8. This is it, the final challenge of the game. Well, in terms of major dungeons.

This dungeon is a breath of fresh air after the mess that the previous dungeon was. It's fairly straightforward and has a simple, appealing look.

Meanwhile, Ambi's evil tower is finally completed. The game lets us know this by panning up the tower in extreme slow-mo. I felt like I was watching the beginning of Spaceballs.

Queen Ambi is in an unusually good mood. Does this mean someone found the thing that pleases her, finally? Or does it mean that she's possessed by Veran? The latter, while not as hot, is the answer.

We finally return to Link as he crosses the Ancient Tomb.

This dungeon is fairly easy, because it's mainly just a Greatest Hits Collection of puzzles from the rest of the game. Since you've done them already, doing them again isn't all that difficult.

I like this floor color puzzle. Aside from looking like a disco, it requires a fair amount of brainpower.

The treasure here is famed 80's NES accessory the Power Glove. It lets you lift even heavier objects. It's also useful for a miniscule amount of NES games.

Hawr, I'm running around on top of block walls. The rare times you can make this happen, it's fun.

Next boss is the Grim Reaper, an Agahnim clone. Bounce his shots back at him until he turns into a bat and explodes. Toad? Is that you?

It's Zelda On Ice as Link battles the Ball and Chain Trooper. This guy is a crowd favorite, but I can't say I've ever fought him on ice before. Makes the fight a lot more of a challenge.

Finally, the big boss of dungeon eight is this disembodied golem head. This fight has like five phases that make you use a bunch of your acquired items.

Eight down, zero to go. WHO'S NEXT?

Here's a shot of the nearly-complete world map. I missed a few areas here and there, but for the most part I went everywhere. Like Link's Awakening, the south-central and eastern parts of the map are very aquatic. The north regions are also mountainous, probably because with them against the north wall there'd be no need for awkward down-sloping rooms on the other side. Not even sure how they'd pull that off perspective-wise.

Next up is Queen Ambi's Tower. The entrance is blocked off in the present, but not the past. One quick warp and problem solved. This happens a lot; simply switching time zones can often solve an inaccessibility problem.

This is it...the final area of Oracle of Ages. It's ominous enough, but what lurks within?

This mysterious voice that has been taunting Link for the whole game turns out to be the twin witches, Twinrova. Turns out Ganon's mistresses were the real power behind Veran, but I won't be fighting them in this game. Their time will come after I finish the parallel game, Oracle of Seasons.

I leave the tower quickly to make some preparations, and find a horde of monkeys. What is the meaning of this?

I go refresh my red potion, and discover that if you try to steal, the chicken in the corner will stop you. Who knew that this chicken was actually a cop the entire time?

Now equipped with a red potion and doused in chicken blood, our hero returns to the Black Tower. The eight instruments(?) allow access, Wind Fish's Egg style.

This place is a maze of stairwells. It's nearly as confusing as trying to figure out girls.

Here's Queen Ambi. Time for a battle.

This is pretty much the same as the other possession-based fight earlier. Matter of fact, it's nearly identical, culminating with Link yanking Veran out with the Switch Hook.

"If only it weren't for that damned penis!"

Veran is exposed (though not literally) and the battle is on!

 Oh Hell Yes.

This is a fairly straightforward battle, won by hacking away. That can't be the final battle...

Nayru is saved, and our heroes prepare to head home.

But wait! Veran is still around!

Link gets dropped into a dark pit...with a super-creepy face. Veran has lost her mind now.

She transforms into a giant turtle. The big story here? No more boobs.

Defeat the turtle, and she turns into the world's creepiest bee. Good thing I brought that red potion, because this is looking like a marathon fight.

Things get even creepier, as her third and final form is a giant spider. While most of the earlier bosses required special item usage and some figuring out, sword strikes seem to work against all of these Veran forms. They're more slugfest than puzzle.



Veran is defeated, but before she poofs, she informs Link that her plan has already been set in motion. What plan?

Now-freed Ambi and her squad of Dragon Warrior soldiers thank Link for his service.

But wait! Someone is spying on our hero! Is it the NSA hacking his webcam?

...nope, it's Twinrova again. This isn't over yet.

::Dramatic Chipmunk sound::

TO BE CONTINUED. Roll credits.

Nayru returns to her day job of singing to forest critters.

Man, what a cutie.

Link spars with Nayru's buffoon of a boyfriend and easily dispatches him via him tripping over something. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Queen Ambi erects statues of Link in the courtyard.

...and the swamp...and all over the place. Meanwhile, the Kilwala from Chrono Trigger looks on. Statues 'r nice.

So is Queen Ambi. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

Wait, why is she putting statues of Link everywhere to begin with?
In any case, that concludes THE hardest Zelda game I've ever played. Bar none. Harder than Ocarina of Time Master Quest, harder than Zelda II: Adventure of Link.

Oracle of Seasons is its own game. However, played in succession with Ages gives it an epilogue that wraps up the story of both games. Also, you get a boost right from the get-go in whichever game you play second, including starting with more hearts and having access to superior weapons. It's definitely better to do Ages second, for this reason.

More on this later.

As for what I'll miss most about Oracle of Ages: Nayru's supple 'bod.

 Unfortunately Link is taking up most of this shot. I'm not a fan of Kid Link. I wish they'd kept going with Teen Link from Link's Awakening.

Either way, I hope he kills that poonany.


  1. Water is the essence of wetness.

    Wait, you summed up past the hot cursed ladies?!

    Holodrum? What an odd name.

    Man, more like useful for 0 NES games.

    Are you fighting Veran or the Dark King?

  2. That ending was not disappointing. Plenty to do and plenty to see. Seeing squares in the map not filled in fills me with curiosity though!

    I love how full of creatures the Zelda world is.

    These friendly ghost ship skeletons are quite a swerve. I like it.

    I like this game having an imposing bad guy who's not Ganon, and who's a woman at that. Nice change of pace.

    Man why won't Nayru's boyfriend get it together?

    Seems like it was a big challenge to remember everything in this game, but I still got a good look and this was a fun series of reads.