Castlevania Judgment (Wii, 2008)

 

It's Castlevania: The Fighting Game. That's right, they went full Dissidia here by bringing in characters from across the series to battle each other in a 3D fighting setting. Sounds awesome, right? Well, unfortunately, it's super mid. It's so mid, they should have called it Castlevania Judg-Mid.

None of the characters look the way they should, which is something that has always driven me nuts about various IPs that did similar things. If you bring in a beloved character and totally change their look, while calling them the same thing, people just aren't going to get excited the way they would if the look was recognizable. See also Zero's redesign in Mega Man Zero.

Regardless of all of this, it's the one time when the series tried to mash all of the games together in a crossover of sorts, so I'm playing through it with some of the characters before I move on to finishing the last two 2D 'Vanias.

Mario Kart Wii (Wii, 2008)

Super game here. Hard to believe this launched almost two decades ago, because it still feels recent. Like, the Wii launch (19 years ago) feels closer to the present than 1999 did to 2006, despite that being a 7 year difference. Yeah, when the Wii launched, the 90's felt like a distant fever dream. In any case, while Father Time has eroded most of my youth and vitality, this game hasn't changed a bit. I don't get to do very many Wii game posts, so this'll be interesting. Remastering this for 2025.

Originally Posted July 2016

Ranking the Post-Millennium RPGs I Finished

 

This seemed like a good way to wrap up this month of lists. Listlemania, if you will. It's the sequel to my ranking of pre-millennium RPGs, which is like a whole different world (mostly the 2D world versus the 3D world, mostly). We're picking up with 2001 onward here. If you missed the first list, it's HERE. Same general format, except it'll be over 23 and a half years instead of the 15ish that the first one covered. I don't want to take too much away from the 1000 List, which is still in-progress, so I'm not going to go too deep on most of these or include any fun stuff like "Toughest Part". We'll get some music interludes, though, when the aural pleasure of a game is just too good.

Castlevania Adventure: Rebirth (Wiiware, 2009)

 

This is a hidden gem in every sense of the phrase. And I mean completely hidden, because you can't even play it anymore on the actual hardware unless you already got it back in the day. It's a download-only Wii game on a service that you can't access now. Which is nuts, because it's a great game that deserves to be reborn (incidentally) in a modern compilation or something.

This is supposed to be a remake of Castlevania Adventure on the Game Boy, but it really isn't. I mean it handles the same and has the same three tiers of whip strength, but other than that it's notably different. Probably the most different-from-original remake I've ever played that still called itself a remake. At least FFVII Remake followed the same story beats. This one has six stages instead of four and most of the bosses are changed. Well, considering Castlevania Adventure is probably the worst game in the series, it really needed a Rebirth, so let's do this.

Originally posted August 2024, reposted without any edits

Metroid: Other M (Nintendo Wii, 2010)

Metroid Week BEGINS. If all goes well I'll be covering the few non-Prime Metroid games that I hadn't covered in playthrough form before on here. Specifically Other M, Samus Returns, and AM2R. At some point in the future I'll also cover the Prime series, likely right before Metroid Prime 4 if it ever comes to pass.

Without further ado, starting off with Metroid Other M, a game that isn't very well-liked to say the least. It's still a halfway decent playthrough, despite its problems. That said, I don't personally intend to ever revisit this one and I've got a lot to gripe about here.

This is basically Metroid 3.5 since it takes place before Metroid Fusion. For a very long time (until now, really) this was all Metroid fans got as far as any continuation of the story goes, which makes it being a letdown even more of a...letdown. On the bright side, one doesn't particularly need to play this to understand the rest of the series, and it can be skipped.

Super Smash Bros Brawl (Nintendo Wii, 2008)

The previous game was just a melee. A donnybrook, if you will. This one is an all-out BRAWL.

The Legend of Zelda Retrospective

A while back I gathered up some friends to reflect on the Zelda series. This means a smorgasbord of guest writers for a smorgasboard of great games. Join us for this trip down memory lane as we look at what is arguably the greatest game series of all time.

Big shout-out and thank you to all of the contributors.

-JD

The Super Mario Retrospective

Today myself and a group of friends and fellow writers are going to take a retrospective look at what may be the most influential game series of all time: Mario. We'll be writing about our memories of these games and what they brought to the gaming world. Mario Party not included. Punch and pie.

Mega Man 10 (XBox 360, Playstation 3, Wii, 2010)

 Today I'm looking at... wait a minute, this is from 2010? Are we sure that I didn't just get dropped back in time to 1990? Hulkamania is running wild all over again! BAD DUDES!

Mega Man 9 (Wii, XBox 360, Playstation 3, 2008)

Mega Man classic returns after a 12-year hiatus! It's enough to make one's nipples hard in anticipation.

Metroid: Other M - A Quick Look

Behold the most generic title screen ever! Actually, everything about this game screams "generic".

Played this via Dolphin, and the emulator didn't let me get very far. I decided I'd post what little I got like I did with 50 Cent: Bulletproof and Alien 3, even though a Metroid game deserves better than a half-baked "first five minutes of the game" post. Thing is, this is the worst Metroid game. As a huge Metroid fan who felt super let-down by this game, even the first five minutes give me a massive amount to talk about. Everything I hate about this game shows up in some form in the first five minutes...well, almost.

Kirby's Return to Dream Land (Wii, 2011)

 Behold! That's one sweet title screen. The graphics are borderline high-def with their intense colorfulness. 

It's currently the 20th anniversary of the first video game I ever owned...Kirby's Dream Land. It's only fitting that for the next degenerate post, I'm looking at the latest Kirby game. People think that Kirby games are for babies, but if that were true, there would be more z's in the titles. This game, for instance, would be Kirbyz: Return to Dream Landz featuring Mary-Kate and Ashley.

The truth is, Kirby is tough as nails. A tatted-up Kirby once made BOTH of the Bad Dudes his bitch while in prison. He has been a bouncer at some of New York City's roughest clubs. He also temporarily worked as a breast implant for Stephanie McMahon, showing his versatility. But like an extreme/hardcore/"x-treme" indy wrestler joining WWE, Kirby had to tone down his in-your-face persona before becoming a Nintendo mascot.

Game Review: Donkey Kong Country Returns

Donkey Kong Country Returns

I don't know if you've heard, but Donkey Kong Country has returned.


Wii, 2010

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios / Nintendo

Time to Complete: 8-10 hours

Developed by Retro Studios, Donkey Kong Country Returns is Nintendo's attempt to re-ignite one of their signature franchises from the 90's. Similarly to Metroid: Other M, this game is a follow-up of sorts to the SNES age. So does it recapture the magic of the DKC series, or is it a mediocre game where Donkey Kong doesn't jump until he's given the okay from his commanding officer? Find out inside. Also, there will be naked Candy Kong. That'll bring in the ratings!

Game Review: Metroid: Other M

Metroid: Other M

Spero Meliora

Wii, 2010

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Project M / Team Ninja

Time to Complete: 7-9 hours

Ah, Metroid Other M. Here's an interesting one. Released in August 2010, this is the only third-person Metroid game on a console since Super Metroid... which, for those counting, was in 1994. That's sixteen years. Which means the gap between Super Metroid and its console follow-up is so old that it could legally have sex in a large number of states. I had high hopes for this game going in. Did it meet my hopes, or was it an unmitigated disaster the likes of which hasn't been seen since the invention of fetus catapults? The answer...is somewhere in between.

Game Review: FFIV - The After Years

Final Fantasy IV - The After Years

Shoot for the Moon


Wii (Download Only), 2009

Publisher: Square Enix

Developer: Matrix Software

Time to Complete: Anywhere from A While to A Very Long While

This noble endeavor is the 2009 sequel to the 1991 Super NES semi-hit, Final Fantasy IV (Which was at the time renamed Final Fantasy II in the U.S.... I think everyone understands the whole wack FF numerology thing by now). For anyone who knows about FF, the phrase "sequel to an FF" is a tricky one. Final Fantasy games simply don't flow into each other within the main series, much like how the planets of our solar system don't orbit each other. FFV wasn't a follow-up to FFIV... FFVIII wasn't a follow-up to FFVII... FFXI wasn't a follow-up to Mog House. The only true sequels in the FF-verse come from outside the main series, much like a moon would orbit a planet. Final Fantasy X-2 continues X's story. After Years continues FFIV's story. Revenant Wings continues FFXII's story.

Lots of things continue FFVII's story, including but not limited to: Dirge of Cerberus, Crisis Core, Advent Children, and lots of really screwed up fanfiction.

Game Review: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Part 3: Metroid Prime 3)

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

Reinventing the wheel


Wii, 2007 / 2009

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios

Time to Complete: 9 to 13 hours first go

Note: This review covers the Metroid Prime Trilogy version of the game. Though as far as I can tell, it's the same as the regular version.

Brought to us once again by the sexual dynamos at Retro Studios, Metroid Prime 3 is the culmination of the Metroid Prime saga, as well as the first of the three to begin its existence on the Wii console. Is it any good? Find out inside. There will be both punch and pie. Rated T for Teen.

Game Review: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Part 2: Metroid Prime 2)

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

Primeval


Gamecube, 2004 / Wii, 2009

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios

Time to Complete: 10 to 15 hours first go

Note: This review covers the Metroid Prime Trilogy version of the game.

Metroid Prime 2 is a somewhat divisive game. Some people swear by it, while others think of it as the black sheep of the trilogy. I have heard it compared to Majora's Mask in that regard. Does it deserve the comparison? In a way, yes. It's much darker than its predecessor and it has a central hub area that the other areas branch off of. The similarities end there, though. It's a bit different, yes, but this game is largely misunderstood and doesn't deserve the black sheep status. Kind of like the teenagers, with their loud "Gaga Lady" music and their not getting off of my lawn.

Game Review: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Part 1: Metroid Prime)

Metroid Prime

It's like prime rib


Gamecube, 2002 / Wii, 2009

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios

Time to Complete: 7 to 12 hours first go

Note: This review covers the Metroid Prime Trilogy version of the game.

Metroid Prime heralded the long-awaited return of the Metroid series after an eight year - eight year! - post Super Metroid absence. It went on to spawn two sequels of its own. A few years later, all three games were bundled together to create the limited-release Metroid Prime Trilogy for Wii, one of the most cost-effective deals in the history of gaming. Trilogy features a new widescreen format and updated Wii controls.

Game Review: Super Mario Galaxy 2

Super Mario Galaxy 2 

Caliente!

Wii, 2010

Developer: Nintendo

Publisher: Nintendo

Time to Complete: 20-90 hours

Super Mario Galaxy 2 is, as of this writing, the second-best selling game of 2010 - right behind God of War 3. Nintendo has outdone themselves yet again with this one, delivering an amazing game with almost no strikes against it. Well, almost. The Threesome Minigame is out of place in an Everyone-rated game and personally, I'm appalled that Mario and Luigi would do such unspeakable things with Princess Toadstool while the Toads look on creepily.

Game Review: Mega Man 10

Mega Man 10

Surprisingly, not Mega Man X

Wii, PS3, XBox 360, 2010

Developer: Inti Creates, Capcom

Publisher: Capcom

Time to Complete: 1-3 hours

Mega Man 10 is the latest edition of the storied, beloved series featuring the pantless blue wonder, who wears his underwear over his tights. Actually, to be more accurate, it's the latest expansion pack for Mega Man 1. It begins with what may well be the longest intro scene in Mega Man history, clocking in at approximately 14 hours.