Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Game Review: Mega Man ZX Advent

Mega Man ZX Advent

There Is No Dana, Only Zuul


Nintendo DS, 2007

Publisher: Capcom

Developer: Inti Creates

Time to Complete: 3-8 hours


Mega Man ZX Advent is the hottest, sexiest game I've ever played. If this game were any sexier, it would consist entirely of me having a three-way with You and Your Clone. Who? You know who you are. This game is just that sexy. If this game had a human form, I would make love to it, and it would wake up the roommates, the neighbors, and the dead from the nearby Indian Burial Ground with the sheer noisiness. This game knows it, as the Mega Man series continues its dominance of the DS with this sexy-ass game. I legitimately want to spank Mega Man ZX Advent, and spank it good.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Game Review: Mega Man ZX

Mega Man ZX

Where Mega Men go to die


Nintendo DS, 2006

Publisher: Capcom

Developer: Inti Creates

Time to Complete: 3-8 hours


Mega Man ZX is the first semi-traditional Mega Man on the Nintendo DS. Following in the footsteps of Mega Man, Mega Man X, and Mega Man Zero, this is an action game through and through. Like the X series and Zero series, this is a fast-paced game with lots of dashing around and elemental-themed mecha-animal bosses. The problem is that the Mega Man X control setup and formula has gotten worse with every successive iteration, and at this point I don't think Capcom really knows what they're doing with it. Still, as someone who loves Mega Man games almost as much as most of my generation loves pretending they're tough because they sometimes watch UFC, I had to give it a try.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

New Ratings System

From here on, I'm going to change my ratings system from a five-star scheme to a simple number system. Now, ratings will be on a scale of 0.0 to 10, with half point intervals.

In other words, 0.0, 0.5, 1.0, 1.5, 2.0, and so on. A 10 would be awarded to something completely amazing, while a 0.0 would be reserved for something unspeakably bad, something that I'm not sure even exists.

I'm going to use this system for game reviews, since it has more steps and thus allows more precise ratings. I considered keeping the star ratings for movie reviews since they end up having star ratings in the paper I sometimes write for, but I think for the purposes of this blog I'll have them use numbers as well.

The only downside is, no more Metroids, Mario stars, or Kratos heads. I'd go back and retroactively change the reviews I've done to the numeric ratings, but I think they might lose some charm. What do you think? Change them for consistency, or leave them for charm?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Movie Review: The Expendables

The Expendables
Needed more Zach Dietz


Directed by Sylvester Stallone


Starring... well, look up.


Rated R

One of the most highly anticipated movies of the summer, The Expendables is a collaboration, congregation, collection, and celebration of 80's and 90's action stars who have gathered in one place for one purpose: to make a movie so manly that, upon viewing the opening credits, every female in the theater becomes instantly pregnant. Why? Because it's the only way we'll have the manpower to defeat China.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Game Review: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Part 3: Metroid Prime 3)

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

Reinventing the wheel


Wii, 2007 / 2009

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios

Time to Complete: 9 to 13 hours first go

Note: This review covers the Metroid Prime Trilogy version of the game. Though as far as I can tell, it's the same as the regular version.



Brought to us once again by the sexual dynamos at Retro Studios, Metroid Prime 3 is the culmination of the Metroid Prime saga, as well as the first of the three to begin its existence on the Wii console. Is it any good? Find out inside. There will be both punch and pie. Rated T for Teen.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

The most fun you'll have in a theater with your pants on 




Directed by Edgar Wright

Starring Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Rated PG-13


Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World is the kind of movie that any given person will either love or hate. People who are into manga and video games will have a lot of fun with this movie. However, people who have no connection to those worlds will likely find the movie to be silly and nonsensical. That said, as far as gaming-related movies go, this blows The Wizard out of the water.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Game Review: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Part 2: Metroid Prime 2)

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

Primeval


Gamecube, 2004 / Wii, 2009

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios

Time to Complete: 10 to 15 hours first go

Note: This review covers the Metroid Prime Trilogy version of the game.




















Metroid Prime 2 is a somewhat divisive game. Some people swear by it, while others think of it as the black sheep of the trilogy. I have heard it compared to Majora's Mask in that regard. Does it deserve the comparison? In a way, yes. It's much darker than its predecessor and it has a central hub area that the other areas branch off of. The similarities end there, though. It's a bit different, yes, but this game is largely misunderstood and doesn't deserve the black sheep status. Kind of like the teenagers, with their loud "Gaga Lady" music and their not getting off of my lawn.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Game Review: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Part 1: Metroid Prime)

Metroid Prime

It's like prime rib


Gamecube, 2002 / Wii, 2009

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios

Time to Complete: 7 to 12 hours first go

Note: This review covers the Metroid Prime Trilogy version of the game.



















Metroid Prime heralded the long-awaited return of the Metroid series after an eight year - eight year! - post Super Metroid absence. It went on to spawn two sequels of its own. A few years later, all three games were bundled together to create the limited-release Metroid Prime Trilogy for Wii, one of the most cost-effective deals in the history of gaming. Trilogy features a new widescreen format and updated Wii controls.