Sunday, August 16, 2015

Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages #4 - Oracle Fixation


I apologize in advance for how not up to par this will be. I played this a while ago and it's tough to remember all the details. Let's get to it.

The trading sidequest drones on, as I bring the Hilarious Mustache to a gentleman pugilist. He gives me a Funny Joke, which brings the total in this post to ONE! Haw haw! ........

I bring that to the dark, gloomy kid lurking in the dark, gloomy room. Now that he has been gifted with a funny joke... he takes off the trench coat, puts away the razor blades, disassembles the assault rifle, rips up the note about how girls don't auto-disrobe at his approach, and logs out of Facebook.

This is the toughest part of the trading sequence. The depressed youth gives us a sad book, and that sad book goes to Maple the Witch. Aside from being a sexy piece of tail, Maple is very difficult to catch. She randomly appears around the world and quickly flies off, so you can't ever find her when you actually want to.

She gives me an oar, which goes to the boat shop guy in exchange for the coolest-named musical instrument ever. Alas, Dean's days of being a rocker are over. Ever since the Wind Fish Incident, rocking out just doesn't have the same appeal.

Here's where the Switch Hook proves useful. Switching places with these diamonds lets you cross pits despite not having any room for a landing.

On the other side, I trade the instrument for a broken sword. Oh yes, you know this is leading somewhere good. Now to find someone who can repair this...

After a trek up the Restoration Wall, it's time for Beetlemania II. This time I have to knock even more beetles into pits while the guy reforges the sword.

VOILA. It's the L-2 sword, the Noble Sword. Awesome. Master Sword is L-3. Given how hard it is to get the one sword upgrade in Link's Awakening (most players likely never did), this is a very pleasant surprise at this early stage of the game.

Not only can the Noble Sword fire lasers when you're at full health, it also breaks pots. No more switching the bracelet in constantly!

It also does 2x the damage of the first sword. It might seem like I'm getting it early (since the L3 sword is postgame) but I can say the rest of the game would be hellish without it. ProTip, get the Noble's Sword as soon as possible.

Back on the warpath, Link finds a cave full of 8-bit Gorons. This place is tiny compared to their massive N64 home, but it has the same BGM.

Operation Kill Moblins is now underway, as the Moblin Army is apparently threatening the Goron folk. The Moblin tower is atop this very colorful mountain.

It's heavily guarded... and purple.

GANON? MY GOD IT'S GAN- no, wait, it's just the Moblin Boss. He does look suspiciously like the Dark King. Victory is a matter of lobbing bombs at him, which makes this a bit different than the usual Zelda fight.

With the Moblin Nation soundly defeated, the Goron people can finally live in peace! Couldn't they reach some kind of cease fire and divide control of the mountain or something? Or... is this a statement on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict? By God, leave it to Nintendo to sum up world events!

As a way to show their gratitude, the Gorons give me the key to dungeon five. Gee, thanks! Time for more suffering.

Here's level five, Crown Dungeon. I wasn't looking forward to this at all, but it's easier than the previous one at least.

The treasure is acquired quickly, and it's a favorite from Link to the Past. Not quite as useful here, though.

Speaking of callbacks to other games, that orb-throwing miniboss from Link's Awakening shows up here.

The actual boss is a really bizarre fight where you have to use the Cane of Somaria to create blocks.

He splits into smaller clouds that orbit the existing block sets, and you need to use created blocks to cause them to crash into each other. All things considered, it's a pretty creative usage of the Cane. While it was one of my favorite items in LTTP, I always wished it had more application in that game. It does let you skip a huge portion of the Ice Dungeon, at least.

It is time... for GORON DANCE PARTY.

If your friends don't dance well... well, they're no friends of Goron.

::Swedish techno plays:: GORON'S DANCE PARTY.

After a difficult "tap along with the music" minigame, I become a brother to the Goron tribe. What, saving them from Moblin incursion wasn't enough?
After yet another minigame, I get the Boomerang. Don't get too excited, it isn't the overpowered death-bringer that it was in Link's Awakening. This Boomerang is more traditional, with a short range and a stun component. Stunning enemies has little appeal when I can defeat most current foes in one shot with the Noble's Sword.

Here's one of the Dungeon 6 keys. I say one of, because Dungeon 6 is actually two dungeons. It exists in both past and present, and you need a separate key for both.

The other Dungeon 6 key is acquired after yet more Goron dancing. This key is much younger and hotter than the other one.

Inside a waterfall lurks Dungeon 6. It's well-disguised, to say the least.

Unfortunately, there are no mermaids in this cave. LAME. There are lots of Wizzrobes though, making their debut in Dungeon 6 just like the original NES game.

The present version of the dungeon. All the statues now have their faces smashed, creepily enough.

Here's Vire. In Link's Awakening, he was a measily first-room enemy. Now, he has leveled up to miniboss. Someday, he'll be promoted to full-on boss.

The big treasure of this dungeon is basically Metroid's Gravity Suit. Lets you move against currents while swimming.

I quickly put it to use in this dungeon, which is full of currents.

The boss is probably the coolest fight in the game. It's a giant squid that pops out of the water, and that's when you hit him. The rest of the time, he submerges... and you can give chase:

Under here, he's a lot more mobile. The fight is awesome, though, because it's one of the very rare underwater battles in this series.

I actually struck the final blow about half a second before he would have crashed into Link, killing me off. THAT was a close one. Six down, two to go.

I take a detour to get the L-2 shield. Looks kinda like the Mirror Shield, but isn't.

Actually, it looks exactly like the mirror shield. Unfortunately, shields aren't that useful when you need to devote one of two existing buttons to them. They're much better as a "passive buff", if you will.

Now it's time to finally save Nayru. Looks like she's being kept in Queen Ambi's castle.

The place is full of the Queen's soldiers, and since they're non-monster regular folk, I can't just kill 'em. Much sneaking follows, as Link avoids their sight-lines like a secret agent.

This is different from the usual gameplay, at least. I'm not really a fan of it though. Perhaps my least favorite room of Final Fantasy VII is that one in Shinra Tower where you have to sneak past some guards.

Here's Nayru, and she's being possessed by a Nightmare. This doesn't bode well...

What follows is a battle, surprisingly. The L2 Shield blocks her energy attacks while I fire back with Sleep Seeds in an effort to stop her without killing her. Set phasers to stun!

After that, Link physically yanks Veran the sorceress out of Nayru's body with the Switch Hook.

Queen Ambi shows up, and Veran jumps right to possessing her. Why doesn't Veran just possess Link? Can she only possess women? Is Link's alleged penis some sort of shield against demonic possession?

Uh oh. Newly-possessed Queen Ambi decides to start a new hobby: Pokemon. The good news is that it'll keep her busy for a while, since they're up to like ten generations now.

Nayru warps Link to safety just as Ambi's goon squad closes in. Looks like this battle is going to get complicated.

One way or another, I end up with the Tune of Ages, which lets me travel in time (forward AND back) whenever I want. Good stuff.

Next up is Level 7, the hardest dungeon in the game. In order to get there, Link must traverse more currents and find the Zora Village. Yes, THAT Zora village. The Goron aren't the only N64 tribe to make the jump to portables.

 This involves traveling undersea; it's dangerous and full of green poisonous stuff. Thanks a lot, British Petroleum.

Next time, the game concludes. Maybe. We'll see.


  1. Noble sword! I wonder if that's supposed to be like the white sword.

    I heart heart heart the Cane of Somaria. Anything that you can use to get around a few puzzles I always thought was neat.

    I like the smashed statues too.

    I like diving underwater after the boss, but if you can only hit him up top I wonder what you're supposed to do down there.

    Yeah, shields are way better when they're passive, though I'll give it props for adding some functionality to it since you have to sacrifice a button.

  2. Oh god...the 7th dungeon...Jabu Jabu. It's so easy to get lost. I heard it's actually possible to screw yourself over and make it impossible to continue, but you have to be trying pretty hard. Still, the fact it can(possibly) happen really puts me on edge like I'm afraid I'll do that.

    1. Jabu Jabu's Interior is WORSE THAN THE WATER TEMPLE but no one remembers it.

      Zelda games can be surprisingly punishing when they want to be.

  3. "Link's alleged penis" is the joke of the evening gentlemen.

    The Hilarious Mustache is the best item in this chain, right? So good.

    Pretty great idea to put the Gorons and Moblins on the same mountain in this game and have some politics.

    Such an intelligent game, this, what with the cane usage. It embiggens the brain! Truly a classic, glad the kids today have stuff like this.