Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Stages of Heartbreak

This is my relationship advice post.

Game Review: Super Mario Galaxy 2

Super Mario Galaxy 2 


Wii, 2010

Developer: Nintendo

Publisher: Nintendo

Time to Complete: 20-90 hours

Super Mario Galaxy 2 is, as of this writing, the second-best selling game of 2010 - right behind God of War 3. Nintendo has outdone themselves yet again with this one, delivering an amazing game with almost no strikes against it. Well, almost. The Threesome Minigame is out of place in an Everyone-rated game and personally, I'm appalled that Mario and Luigi would do such unspeakable things with Princess Toadstool while the Toads look on creepily.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Game Review: God of War 3

God of War 3

Skull-Crushing Finale

Playstation 3, 2010

Developer: SCE Studios Santa Monica

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Time to Complete: 7-9 hours

The finale to the God of War trilogy is, as of this writing, the best-selling game of 2010. I think we can all agree that video games are more sexual and violent now than they used to be. There are exceptions, like the 1989 Japanese Famicom classic Hashimoto the Sexy Octopus and the Girl's Locker Room of Super Peril Gaiden, which was banned in every country except Japan, Thailand, and Las Vegas.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Animatronics Vs. CGI, Passing Things On, and Pharmaceutical Ads

I've been hearing a lot lately about animatronics vs. CGI in movies. CGI is creating something with computer graphics, then digitally inserting it into a movie. Animatronics has to do with building the monster yourself (or a smaller scale model of it) and having it move on its own. Lots of examples of animatronics can be found in the original Star Wars movies and the flash-forward scenes in the first two Terminator movies. With CGI, your actors have to pretend that they're looking at the thing that will be digitally inserted later. With animatronics, they can actually interact with it.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Movie Review: Predators


Manages to hang with the original

Produced by Robert Rodriguez

Directed by Nimrod Antal

Starring Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne

Rated R

Predators is the spiritual - and some would say only canon - successor to the well-liked original movie, which starred Arnold Schwarznegger. Yes, there was a Predator 2 somewhere along the line, and it was decent, but this movie arguably takes its place in the lineage. And don't worry about those Alien Versus Predator movies, as this one ignores them entirely. The creators of this movie specifically said that the goal here was to have this movie be to Predator what Aliens was to Alien: a follow-up with new, badder, and more numerous variations of the foe. In that sense, I think they succeeded.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Game Review: God of War 2

God of War 2

Kratos returns, swinging more pipe than ever

Playstation 2, 2007

Developer: SCE Studios Santa Monica

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Time to Complete: 8-12 hours

First thing's first: God of War 2 has a very noticeable lack of boobs compared to the first game. However, of the relatively few that it does have, the majority look like God spent an entire week perfecting them. I'm starting to think maybe these games need to more accurately represent the world's boobs with some imperfections. For instance, boobs with cross-eyed nipples.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Game Review: Mega Man 10

Mega Man 10

Surprisingly, not Mega Man X

Wii, PS3, XBox 360, 2010

Developer: Inti Creates, Capcom

Publisher: Capcom

Time to Complete: 1-3 hours

Mega Man 10 is the latest edition of the storied, beloved series featuring the pantless blue wonder, who wears his underwear over his tights. Actually, to be more accurate, it's the latest expansion pack for Mega Man 1. It begins with what may well be the longest intro scene in Mega Man history, clocking in at approximately 14 hours.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Game Review: God of War

God of War

Should be called God of Boobs

Playstation 2, 2005

Developer: SCE Studios Santa Monica

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Time to Complete: 5-7 hours

The very first, debut edition of A Serious Review™ is for a game I just recently played. Seemingly 90% of everyone else on the planet with a PS2 already played it years ago, so I'm a bit behind the times. For that other 10% who, like myself, aren't "hip" or "with it", here's the story. God of War is a third-person action game set in ancient Greece. You play as Kratos, a mortal who is on a quest to kill Ares, the renegade God of War...and anything else that has the misfortune of running into his grumpy, wrathful self. This review may or may not actually be Serious, and it is likely to be not very serious at all. Void in several states. Read on, if you dare.