S.C.A.T.: Special Cybernetic Attack Team (NES, 1991)

     

A jetpack-based shoot 'em up with an absolutely terrible name, this one has been on my radar for about 30 years. Seriously though, this has to be the worst-named game in the entire NES library. It's a pretty solid Natsume game, though, and deserves a bit of recognition.

Bad Dudes (NES, 1989)

Caution: Reading about the patriotic super-duo of BAD DUDES may cause spontaneous and uncontrollable arousal in women.

Originally posted in 2013, now it's back

Sword Master (NES, 1990)

This is a cool little NES game that nobody seems to remember. It's a bit of a Zelda II clone, a side-scroller where you go through seven levels and slash your way through various monsters. Each fight is treated like a miniboss / duel, and your character gets a variety of different sword attacks they can employ. So it's a little different from your average game, and deserves mention.

 

Vice: Project Doom (NES, 1991)

An NES game that a lot of people have sung the praises of over the years, most notably James "AVGN" Rolfe. It's a cinematic action game that is 80's as F, despite dropping in 1991. It's been on my list for a while, and I was way overdue to hit up something on the NES, so it's time. I'm just trying to figure out if that guy on the cover is based on Reb Brown or a younger version of John Kreese.

Silver Surfer (NES, 1990)

Before there was the T-1000, Marvel was making gleaming silver metal dudes cool with Silver Surfer and his rad to the max space-surfboard. This game has been on my radar for a while, as it's said to be one of the worst games on the NES. So of course I had to play it. Let's see how bad it really is. Will it be "bad" in the Power Glove sense, or "bad" in the "BAD DUDES" sense?

The Little Mermaid (NES, 1991)

 

Here's a game that isn't in the Disney Afternoon Collection and probably should have been. I never played it before this, but I heard only good things about it over the years. It's just a pleasant little game, starring a cute redhead. Not sure why a drunken fish is sidling up next to Ariel though.

Today is a dark day for wrestling fans, but I'll do my best with this.

Darkwing Duck (NES, 1992)

Darkwing Duck was one of the many shows/things I was into as a kid. Like HUGELY into. That said, I don't know how long I was a fan of this show. It might have been like a month or something. Either way, it was memorable. I liked it for the same reasons I liked Carmen Sandiego and Dick Tracy, it had a cool roster of bad guys with their own gimmicks and whatnot and a crime-fighting hero trying to apprehend them all (but never actually seeming to).

I don't know what happened with the show or what the overall mythology was. Were there multiple seasons? Did new Big Bads get introduced? I don't know. I didn't even follow the TMNT lore that deeply and TMNT was the biggest thing on the planet.

In any case, this is a game that I 100% would have begged for if I'd had an NES as a kid. Probably near the top of the list for it too. This, Power Blade, Mega Man 3, Metroid, and Super Mario Bros 3 are probably the first things I would have gone for. ...that is, if I didn't burn through the game budget getting terrible Terminator games.

Journey to Silius (NES, 1990)

 

Whoa, it's good to play a game that doesn't make me feel like drinking. So this legendarily started out as a Terminator game. Sunsoft lost the license midway through development and quickly converted it into...well, a non-Terminator game. They changed a bunch of sprites to avoid a lawsuit, but you can clearly see the Terminator influence regardless. You can also pretty much see the moment where it steers away from a Terminator game in the development process.

This game can be found easily enough on Switch Online, and made it onto IGN's "top 100 games of all time" list. So I've got some hope for this one.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (NES, 1992)

 

LJN debuts with a bang. This was featured in one of the first Nintendo Powers I ever looked at, so to this day I still have this perception of the game as being really cool. Time to completely ruin this memory.

The Terminator (NES, 1992)

 

Time for me to play a loathsome, shitty game! One that I no doubt would have tried to get if I'd ever had an NES in this era, as I was pretty obsessed with Terminator movies circa 1991-1993. T2 might have been the first movie I ever saw in a theater, not sure. That was a tough act to follow.

In any case, there's a reason why in all these years I never bothered to play any of the basic NES/SNES Terminator games. At this point I've played everything else based on those two movies (Game Boy, Genesis, Robocop Vs Terminator...) so I might as well give these others a spin and see just how terrible they are. I could be playing something good, like Castlevania or Dragon Quest. Instead I'm playing this. Official Nintendo Seal of Quality my ass!

Ranking the Pre-Millennium RPGs I've Finished

Pre-millennium was the golden age for gaming in a lot of ways, especially when it came to traditional RPGs. This list is kind of a supplement to the big 1000 list, just a fun thing for me to think about while I do that.

Note: Counting 2000. One can technically say 2000 was the end of the decade, and either way I feel like the real changeover from retro to modern happened in 2001 with the advent of the PS2/XBox generation. So Dragon Quest VII just barely gets spared from being on the list and probably scoring pretty low on it.

If something I played is a recent remaster/port and very close to the original, it counts as me playing the original for ranking purposes. Like the Langrisser games, or Romancing SaGa 2. If it's a full-on remake it doesn't count, like the completely-overhauled PSP remake of Ys 3 doesn't count as me playing OG Ys 3.

Shadow of the Ninja (NES, 1990)

 

One of the trio of games I got to play (some of) the first time I ever saw an NES. Which makes this...possibly the first NES game I ever played. It was either this, Super Mario Bros, or Destiny of an Emperor. Then in 2007 I actually played through it. It's been ages, so it's high time I took a gander at it. Going to see if it brings back any memories of that first time holding an NES controller. I bet this WAS the first one I played, because it had "ninja" in the title and I was like 7. Definitely would have reached for this first out of the three games. Also it's from Natsume, so that's pretty cool. Without further ado...

Shatterhand (NES, 1991)

 

It's time for the baddest game on the NES: Mutha-fuckin' Shatterhand! This is one of the most underrated games on the system. In it, you play as a Not-Terminator and punch your way through a bunch of platforming levels. Why is it called that? Apparently the guy's name is Shatterhand, which is a crazy coincidence considering he grew up to have a metal hand. I hope that's his last name at least. First name is probably something like Dave. This guy is so metal, he punches out his own God Damn logo! Brought to you by Jaleco!

Mighty Final Fight (NES, 1993)

 This great little game is a spinoff of the Final Fight series, made exclusively for the NES well past the system's prime. It features chibi versions of the characters, a relatively lighthearted plot, and easier gameplay. I expected it to be a bit of a joke game and it ended up being a fun time. Only from Capcom!

Repost to join the others.

Batman: Return of the Joker (NES, 1991)

Let's see if this is as ridiculously hard as the similarly-named Game Boy game. It's a similar-controlling game, but very different in terms of level layout, bosses, weapons, etc. So far, it seems like both of them are insanely hard and I don't know why I'm doing this.

I should just quit this site and become a Hot Tub Girl Streamer.

Batman (NES, 1989)

The "Sunsoft Batman" has been highly-acclaimed for a long time, but I didn't get around until playing it until the 2000's. I found it to be somewhat overrated and frustrating, but it's still worth a look. Originally, this was going to be the 1989 game in the Three Decade Project, but I got stuck on Stage 5-1 and gave up. Bad Dudes got the nod for that year instead. Later I found out that Stage 5-1 is actually the final level of the game, so it seems I quit too soon.

TMNT Tournament Fighters (NES and SNES, 1993)

 

Who were you expecting? ...The Addams Family?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project (NES, 1992)

Luckily, this one has nothing at all to do with the third Turtles movie. As far as I know, that awful piece of dreck never actually got a video game adaptation. The movie's four fans must have been disappointed.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game (NES, 1990)

Now this is more like it. A straight beat-em-up that is more fun to play in EVERY regard than the first game. Now that I've found an NES Turtles game that isn't sheer torture, I took way more screenshots than I probably should have. Let's get to it.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES, 1989)

In 1989, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was approximately the coolest IP in the WORLD. I, and just about everyone I knew, watched the cartoon. We collected the action figures. We even ate the breakfast cereal, which had Turtle-shaped marshmallows. Everything Turtle-related was amazing. Everything, that is, except for this NES game.