Sunday, November 20, 2022

Live-a-Live #8 - Cave-Plundering

That's unfortunate, because no one took baths either.

This is the prehistoric chapter. It begins with some purple-haired lady running through the wasteland, dropping all her clothes in the process.

 This caveman happens by and finds her clothes...and they smell like lady. All of the "dialogue" in this chapter is in the form of emotes like this.

 The hero of this chapter is Pogo, but I change his name to Kino. Like the guy in Chrono Trigger. This marks the first time I've changed a name in this game.

 I acquire Kino's first weapon... a bone. 

 In this chapter you can collect parts from defeated enemies and trade them in for items. It's just like the merchant in the prehistoric chapter of Chrono Trigger. I quickly trade up enough to get the strongest weapon in the chapter.

 That's a huge improvement, for sure.

In the Orgy Room, there's a guy who gives you tons of trading items... if you talk to him last.

 Now I've got enough to start trading for armors...

 ...and do, getting the best armors I can. I'm still level 1, but I have a huge advantage right off the bat.

 Now to progress the actual story. Kino gets thrown out of his village, where he has to deal with...

 ...vicious puppies, apparently. Luckily, he has an accomplice.

 Huh, this is pretty cool. I hope the final boss of this chapter is a t-rex.

 Kino finds the naked purple-haired lady hiding in a hauystack, and we get some more "dialogue".

 Beru joins! ...and I'm pretty sure she's still nude. I never properly introduced Kino's ape sidekick, Gori. He's... well, he's an ape.

 Our heroes rest in the "inn". Beru is all "no third bed" in dismay.

 Kino throws Gori out of his bed, then pulls the beds close together and invites Beru in. This is COMEDY GOLD.

 In the morning, Kino wakes up and Beru is nowhere to be found. He sniffs her out and finds her under the nearby haystack.

 Soon, the cave is attacked by goons from another tribe, who try to take Beru away.

 Kino grabs her away from them, and everyone is angry. I wonder if Beru is getting tired of being yanked around by all these greasy, dwarven men.

 A battle erupts! This is truly bizarre.

The chief then proceeds to cast our heroes out of the village since Beru has caused so much trouble. existing, and being the only woman in the land apparently.

They take refuge in a nearby cave, and it's time to grind some levels.

 These characters level up very fast, and they gain a ton of stats when they do. I'd say they get stronger faster than any other characters so far. Beru has an area effect attack that does HUGE damage, seen here, which makes level-grinding easy.

 Kino has a dream that he's laying in a field with Beru...

 ...then he wakes up right before it gets good, and he's pissed-off!

 The enemy tribe corners the gang in a cave, then knock them down into a pit.

 In this pit? Crocodiles. Giant prehistoric crocodiles. And we don't have Beru anymore.

 As if that weren't bad enough, an army of moles ambushes our heroes.

 Continuing through the pit, Kino's ape sidekick finds himself surrounded by pink ape-women.

 One of them shakes her massive boobs at him. This game is TWISTED!

 Kino drags his buddy out of that evil place. There's a weird stone head on this cliff, and if you try to examine it 100 times... unlocks a secret room with the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

 Inspecting it gets you a rock that increases Kino's IQ by 50. That's huge in this game, and I believe it makes all of his special moves more powerful. Or increases his MP. Not too sure which stats do what, exactly...

 Our heroes fight their way back to the enemy cave, where they have Beru tied up.

 Kino fights through them and saves her without much trouble. With his levels and equipment, he's unstoppable.

 Just when Beru is saved, there's an earthquake!

 The ground breaks apart and everyone falls into a bone-yard.

 Hell yeah! A tyrannosaurus boss!

 Beru's super-attack is the key to victory here. Two rounds of that attack and this one's over.

 The two tribes now unite in peace and harmony...for some reason.

 Roll credits? Wow, that was one weird-ass chapter.

 After the credits, we see the pink lady-apes show up again and drag Kino's buddy into a cave.

 Cut to outside as the cave shakes violently.

 Annnnd we get the first spoken word in this chapter.

Well, I'm speechless.

More Live-a-Live Posts HERE



  1. Best ending ever lol

  2. Best ending ever lol

  3. That chapter... was something else. You got thrown out of not one but TWO villages.

  4. I loved this. I can totally believe our ancestors were like this.
    I'm starting to see the Chrono Trigger influence, too. The movement panels on the battlefield is one thing. Another is all the different worlds. The third thing is the humor, which isn't quite like CT but has some hints of it.