Monday, September 7, 2015
11 Games I Tapped Out On Midway Through
Almost Made The List: Super Princess Peach. I finished this game, which disqualifies it, but it would have been very high on the list if I hadn't. The game itself is actually really decent; the problem is that it doesn't let you into the final level unless you've found all of the collectibles. I'm all for platform games having collectibles and secret levels that you need to find collectibles to unlock. That said, never ever EVER lock the final level of the story behind a 100% collectible wall. It's one thing to have a reasonable collectible requirement for the final level, ala most of the modern Mario games, but it's another to require you to 100% the game before you can play the finale.
Considering no other levels up to that point had any such requirements, it really came out of nowhere and completely stalled out the momentum of the game. I wasn't expecting it and felt kinda cheated, since I had no intention of 100%ing the game. Things like that should be optional. I imagine very few players actually reached that point with full collectibles, and finding an inaccessible final stage at the end was like running into a wall. I very nearly junked the game at that point, but for some reason I decided to go ahead and get the rest of the collectibles and finish the thing. It didn't take as long as I thought it would at all, and the final boss was fun, so I'm glad I did. But yeah, that endgame wall was not cool.
Now for the actual list.
Later, Mortal Kombat III came out and it was clear the bloom was off the rose a bit. It changed the gameplay too much for my liking, and the general roster/world seemed like a step sideways or even back from MKII. Looking at the penultimate boss, Motaro, even that guy wasn't up to the cool-level of the bosses in the first two games. Long story short, I wasn't that interested in UMKIII when it came out. It featured a huge roster with a bunch of new characters, but the roster was too big for its own good. It seemed like nearly all of the newbies were palette-swapped ninjas. Add in considerably higher difficulty than the previous games, and I just couldn't get through this one. That said, it's the only game on this list that I might try again eventually. It's like a thirty-minute game if I can get the hang of winning.
Alien 3 (SNES) - Here's a game that should have been fantastic, but is merely average at best. And by that I mean average for the time. Nowadays games like this don't hold up at all anymore in retrospect, not with competition like Super Metroid. While there's a great deal of potential for Alien 3 to be a blast to play, it gets ruined by the confusing area structure and objectives. During the short time I played, I spent nearly all of my time lost. Right from the get-go I had no idea where I was supposed to go at any given moment, with hallway after hallway that looked identical. Being forced to explore wouldn't be such a big deal, but the enemies instantly respawn the second you so much as look away from them, making travel very tedious. Factor in limited ammo and the fact that enemies don't drop any health or ammo...well, you're basically screwed without extensive maps/notes/patience, and I gave up fast.
The problem for me was the "realistic" part. I like realistic characters and relatable stories, but I'm not so crazy about realistic gameplay. There's no fast travel here, no hints, no checkpoints, no map markers, and no clue what to do half the time. You're hoofing it everywhere, with nothing telling you where exactly to hoof it to. You can't even look at the map while driving! This game is very rough around the edges, and despite my best efforts I just couldn't seem to enjoy it in the least. I gave up after a couple hours of stumbling around in the jungle. I can see hardcore purists being into this, at least. The good news is that when I moved on to Far Cry 3 I had a blast.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) - I tried this game fairly recently and didn't get very far. It was also one of the first NES games I played, as a friend had it. Back then, we weren't experienced enough to realize how terrible this game really is. We were just happy to be playing something Ninja Turtles related. Trying to play through this now, I was pretty shocked at some of the design choices here. The game just isn't any good, and the water level is the stuff of nightmares. How hard was it to make a simple Turtles beat 'em up? Apparently, pretty hard, because they didn't start doing that until the second game. This game is dreck, and the people who made it were ROBBING KIDS.
Fast forward to 2004 and RPG Maker 2 released for the Playstation 2. I was stoked about this and put a couple days aside to work on creating something with it as soon as it was out. It had keyboard support, superior graphics, and weather effects; basically everything I wanted out of the first game and didn't get. Unfortunately, once the game arrived, I discovered the horror that was the character models. Every character archetype was a short, superdeformed cartoon character. That's right, all of them. There was no changing the core character model, and you could do everything possible to make them look like badasses, but they'd still be short bobbleheaded toddlers with heads as big as their bodies. What a colossal disappointment.
I created about 20 minutes of gameplay, total, then shelved the game without finishing anything. I didn't even play through the included finished game that ran on the game's engine to see what it was capable of. I just wanted to get as far away from those character models as possible, and never looked at the game again.
Terminator 2 (NES) - Nearly all of the old games based on Terminator (see link) are awful, awful crap. If I had to pick one that I really despised, though, it'd be this one. I barely got past the first level, only to almost immediately die on the auto-scrolling second level because they put a wall right in front of where you start. A wall that immediately crushes you. Yep. Along with a host of other baffling design decisions, this game was barely playable, and I tapped out fast. Sad thing is, I almost definitely would have bought this game if I had owned an NES as a kid, because Terminator 2 is one of the greatest movies ever. It's still great to watch even today as an adult, and when I was 8 or 9 we were insanely hyped for it. It's horrible that people who had an NES and wanted to play as Arnold got to be treated to THIS game. Once again, YOU ARE ROBBING KIDS.
Ultima: Warriors of Destiny (NES) - The NES ports of Ultima III, IV, and V are a mixed-bag to say the least. While the original computer games were great for their time and a lot of fun for RPG fans, the console ports of the series have been spotty. Exodus for the NES is a brutal, difficult game that looks like a lot more stress than I want to deal with, but I can definitely see hardcore people having a lot of fun with it. Quest of the Avatar is a marked improvement in every area, up there with the Dragon Quest games of the era in enjoyability. Aside from the confusing portal mechanics, it's a great game and one I want to return to later.
.....and then we have the port of the fifth game, Warriors of Destiny. It's like they forgot everything they learned when making the NES port of the fourth game, because as far as I can tell this one is nearly unplayable. It looks and handles horribly, with a weird diagonal view of characters/NPCs and a way-too-small portion of the screen dedicated to actually showing you the gameplay. This game isn't just bad, it makes me feel ill to even attempt it. While Exodus made me tap out with some regret, Warriors of Destiny made me tap out and run for the hills.
Funny thing is, the PC version of this game is regarded as one of, if not the BEST game in the Ultima series, with an epic storyline where the once-beloved Avatar is hunted as a criminal by the corrupt government now in control of Britannia. The NES version could have been even better than the NES version of Quest of the Avatar. Instead they made this mess that looks, sounds, and handles terribly. Oh well.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2, XBox, PC) - Here's the other controversial pick. I think this might be the only time I've ever deleted my save files for a game just to ensure that I didn't waste any more time on it. See image at the top of the post. This game managed to alienate me so much that I had to make sure that my future self wouldn't go back to it like a battered spouse going "I CAN'T LEAVE! I LOOOVE HIMMMM!"
About this time two years ago I played GTA: Vice City and I enjoyed it a lot. In the mid-00's I played GTA3 and while it's no Vice City, I enjoyed that one too. After I finished Vice City I had big expectations going into San Andreas, given how popular it is. It's a fun sandbox, for sure, and great if you have no other games to play because of all the time-consuming sim elements like working out and...eating.
Problem is, once I actually got going with this game, I started having problems with it very early. The missions weren't fun, the characters are as un-likeable as possible (seriously, they give Drakengard 3 competition for being just insufferable people), and a lot of the game design elements here are baffling. The game is unnecessarily bloated, with tons of mandatory missions that probably should have been optional sidequests. It takes ages to get through, and those ages aren't fun. The lack of checkpoints on the missions adds to the frustration, while repeatedly having to drive to mission locations (some drives can be up to ten minutes long) makes this an incredibly tedious experience.
I played about a third of the game, but nothing about it was exciting or appealing, so I shelved it for a long time. Two years later (this past July), I resumed it, deciding that I'd finish the game once and for all so I could move on to GTA4 and GTA5. That was a waste of time. I got through most of the remaining game, stopping at around the 80% mark when I reached a flight mission that was damn near impossible. The flight controls in this game are so bad that I could barely get the plane to do anything I wanted it to do. It was like playing Superman 64. Hell, I even had to fly through rings! THAT wasn't happening when I couldn't even seem to move in a straight line.
So...yep. As unenjoyable as the game was, I stuck with it, but a lategame flight mission did me in. It's awful the way it forces a completely new game mechanic (flight) on you very late in the game, after you've spent the whole game using ground-based controls/vehicles. It's even more awful that it forces you to use the worst-handling plane for that mission. About two-thirds of the times I tried the mission, my plane would just refuse to gain any altitude to begin with. The third of the time where it would comply with my vague controller-based suggestions, it'd usually gain too much speed and end up spinning out of control.
After spending about three hours trying to fly through more than one or two rings in a go (you have to fly through about ten), I gave up. Nothing I did seemed to make a difference, and my success/failure seemed almost random. If I went too easy on the controls, the plane would peter out and lose all momentum. If I went to hard on the controls, the plane would spin out. If I went medium on the controls, one of the above two things would happen. My plane also seemed to just go into a nosedive randomly whenever I'd start to do well, and no amount of research let me come up with a good solution. The mission just sucks, and you need a lot of luck to get past it. Well, no thanks. I deleted the save from my PS2 and never looked back, something unprecedented for me.
The game just isn't good, regardless of the flight mission. It never was good, unless you've got tons and tons of time to put into it and nothing better to play. It's got plenty of content, but there's nothing fun about the design. I would have finished it anyway if they hadn't thrown in a lategame roadblock that uses terrible flight controls that you never use anywhere else. Looking it up online, tons of other people couldn't get past the flight stage either, so it isn't just me.
San Andreas certainly has an expansive world and a fair amount of fun to be had, but when you get down to the brass tacks of mission design, it's atrocious and shittily-designed. As much as I wanted to "catch up" with this series, I just couldn't get through this one. On the bright side, while it too has a lot of problems, I've enjoyed GTA4 a lot more from what I've played of it (10% or so). The characters are much more interesting/likeable, the setting is more compact and MUCH more interesting, and the mission designs are fairer. The vehicle controls could be better, but I think I'll be able to get through that one. Probably.
Superman 64 (N64) - As much as I wanted to put Drakengard 3 or San Andreas in this spot out of pure spite, I can't in good conscience put either of them above Superman 64 in awfulness. I'd rather play anything else on this list over Superman 64, and there was absolutely no way I'd be able to stomach it long enough to get to the end of the game. My problems with San Andreas' worse missions (like short timers, lack of hints, and flying through rings) are the entire core of this game. What do rings have to do with Superman? Imagine being a Superman fan in the late 90's, getting this game home after paying $60, and finding out what garbage it actually is.
I tried to play this to do a post. I fully intended on covering the whole game, but I just couldn't do it. It isn't even "so bad it's good" like Bebe's Kids. It's completely unplayable, and the barren wasteland of an environment isn't even something you can look at and make fun of. There is NO redeeming value to be had here. While GTA: SA saves the horrible flight missions for late in the game, this one makes you go through lots of them right from the get-go. At least the flight controls are marginally better here than in San Andreas, but that's like being the least-smelly litter box.
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