Our heroes take on Hideyoshi's giant laser-cannon and and his legion of robo-demons, as we continue the game that Ubisoft calls "a stunningly accurate re-creation of Japanese history"
This is Nobunaga's #3 minion, Deputy Secretary of Defense Katsuie. No relation to New Japan Pro Wrestling superstar Katsuyori Shibata.
He's here to talk some trash, then beat a hasty retreat while we fight a bunch of goons.
They've got us surrounded! Luckily this has no drama or tension because Onimaru can just go Super Saiyan and wipe everyone out while everyone else passes on their turns.
The Genma Cannon has been placed, and it's pointed at our capitol. There's no time to lose!
He then takes off the skull mask, revealing his true form:
My God! It's former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld!
Our heroes are in awe of the massive, weirdly dong-like Genma Cannon.
"So...so big!"
Onimaru isn't amused by any of this!
Guildenstern sics the now-repaired Kaidomaru-bot on our heroes. Since he made him a bot, he can control him!
Sakura manages to remind Kaidomaru of his true self by wearing a low-cut blouse. Good luck taking control of Kaidomaru NOW, Guildenstern!
That stalled us long enough for the Genma Cannon to fire!
My God! It's blasting destruction all over us!
It's apocalyptic...and our heroes failed to stop it. Well, I didn't see this happening... game has twists.
Our heroes are unscathed due to being at the site of the cannon itself, and are left to lament that they didn't make it in time.
The battle over the soul of Kaidomaru continues! He turns from face to heel and back more times than Big Show in 1999.
Guildenstern is losing the struggle. Damn...low-cut blouses!
Kaidomaru finally turns around and SMASHES Guildenstern with his axe! This would get a huge crowd pop at a wrestling show.
I think that's it for Guildenstern. Is he gone? We'll see.
Now that Kaidomaru is definitely a face, it's time to avenge everyone slain by the Genma Cannon.
Another of the four lords (it's always four) is our next opponent.
She is horny for Onimaru. Did looking at the Genma Cannon put her in the mood?
At this point we have a choice to make:
A) Be her sex slave.
B) Be killed.
C) Neither, Kick Assu!
I go with option C!
"So let's fighting!"
"Lettttt's fighting love!"
"Letttt's fighting love!"
That's another Genma lord down, no big whoop. Next
Now, Onimaru and his forces march on the Castle of Nobunaga. Fueled by revenge, they will stop at nothing!
Elsewhere, Mitsuhide, the skeptic of Nobunaga's inner circle, has realized that he was wrong all along. Nobunaga will bring peace, yes... so long as it's with his sword at Japan's throat.
"It'll be a world where free speech will be under constant threat and internet search engines will purge negative articles about the political figures they're backing!" Dammit Mitsuhide, don't you want to fight disinfo and hate?
Mitsuhide rallies his loyal troops (who worked for Nobunaga before) but Nobunaga is having none of this and closing in on them. Word is that he's sending his Genma. Of course, his human troops would all turn out to mean well-a. Of course!
Nobunaga is cool as a cucumber through all of his losses, but one of his generals betrays him and he LOSES IT.
Vice President Dick Hideyoshi is here to suck up. It is HE who shall dispose of Mitsuhide!
Hideyoshi's troops engage Mitsuhide's troops! That or they're each choosing their most iron-chinned brawler to have a brutal slap-off, not sure.
Our heroes arrive just in time to make a difference! If they can get Mitsuhide over to their side...
In the castle, Mitsuhide's daughter reassures him that he did the right thing. All of his troops are being slaughtered, but he stood up for his principles and tried to change.
Mitsuhide is kinda like if General Leo had gotten a whole story arc.
With all of the troops slain, Dick Hideyoshi is outside with a bullhorn, accusing Mitsuhide of being unpatriotic~!
Will our heroes arrive in time, or will he meet the same fate as General Leo?
No comments:
Post a Comment