Sunday, August 28, 2016

Portable TMNT Games

Time to look at a few of the non-console entries. Come on in, there will be Punch and Pie. ...well, Punch. All the Pie already went to The Rock.

Playing Fall of the Foot Clan means a lot to me because I never got to check this out as a kid. It's one of the games I considered getting when I first got a Game Boy (my first system, mind you). Luckily I went with Kirby's Dream Land and, even more importantly, Metroid 2, but I have to say this game wouldn't have been a horrible choice either.

Game Boy 1990: We don't need graphics for character selects!

I choose Mike, and he traverses what looks like a post-Judgment Day apocalyptic ruin. It might just be Detroit though.

Rocksteady is the first boss, armed with a machine gun as usual. The reason our hero looks like that is because he's taking damage and recoiling from it. Don't worry, he isn't "acting all street" like in Bebe's Kids.

They're really hip!

This is a standard beat-em-up, but instead of having multiple planes of movement it's just a flat 2D game. In some ways this makes it easier, in some ways it makes it tougher.

Bebop is next. The only way to defeat this foe... to repeatedly mash the "groin kick" button. BEHOLD HOW HE HOPS!

Also note that the bosses don't have very many HP at all in this one.

This is bad. The Foot Clan... now have driver's licenses. They have become The Wheel Clan.

Jump kicks rule the day, as usual.

Baxter Stockman is the boss of Stage 3 (of five). I've never liked this guy.

Single-shot cutscene! Go Michelangelo!

 In 1st grade or so, a cop visited my school and talked to everyone about how cops work. When he was talking about the nightstick, he said "we don't beat people up with these like on Ninja Turtles. We only use them when absolutely necessary." and when he was talking about the gun, he said "we don't shoot at people like on Miami Vice, it's only for self defense." The guy had his pop culture references in order, I'd say.

He also blatantly lied to us.

Stage four has some underwater combat, with vile robo-fish. No bombs to disarm here, Thank God.

Shredder! Here on the Game Boy, he gets to play second-fiddle to Krang for some reason.

I wonder who would win in a fight between Shredder and Shao Khan. They're very similar-looking.

Playing as Leo now, by the way.

Fifth and final stage is the iconic fortress of evil.

The Technodrome is full of robots and indestructible balls called "Donuts". These things bounce around and damage you and you can't do anything in retaliation. It makes for a somewhat difficult stage, but this game is generally pretty easy otherwise.

 Krang is the final boss, and attacks with his GIANT MAN SUIT. He also has the same weird, irritating theme music in every single game.

He jumps a lot. That's his fighting style... jumping. I wonder if this guy ever met any sort of demise in the show. Not that I can remember, but I never saw the entirety of the show. Only the first few seasons.

April is kidnapped, as usual. Hey, Mike! Watch the hands!

They ripped this ending right from the NES games. It STILL doesn't make any sense.

That was quite a short game. Let's go on to the next one, because the Game Boy actually got several. They didn't get the attention that the NES games in the series did, but they're not bad for the scaled-down platform.

Back From The Sewers is the even less-known sequel. It says "Hero Turtles" because I'm playing the European version.

The hideously mutated turtles are back! This time we get character portraits, though they're all palette-swaps. They're also eerie and weird-looking. I half-expect them to slowly transform into Xenomorphs before our eyes, with elongated heads and clicking inner-jaws.

The Foot Clan are now equipped with coneheads, for some reason. Maybe they're the ones turning into Xenomorphs.

The turtles share one life meter that carries over from stage to stage, so you're heavily reliant on pizzas for healing.

Rocksteady gets to play first boss again, this time with a longer life meter. The turtles may look...unpleasant, but the graphics are much better than the previous game.

It's like they're... soulless or something. Between that and the coneheaded Foot, I don't approve of the visual style. At least we're out of the post-apocalyptic cityscape.

After an autoscrolling surf level, Bebop retur... wait, what the hell? Why is his head gigantic? AND WHY DO THEY ALL LOOK SO SOULLESS

I whip out Don, and he whips out...uhhh. Not bad at all, Don. Not bad at all.

Now he just needs to meet a woman with a 4 ft. deep vagina.

Whoa! Leave a Turtle idle for a bit and we get some actual personality out of them. That's surprising. I was probably hoping he'd start regenerating.

Krang shows up early this time, piloting his battle mech. I like this thing more than the creepy MAN SUIT.

Stage four is a cave, where our heroes must dodge giant balls of dung.

XENOMORPH ALERT. Why does it have such a huge head? Ya know, I don't even care... it's an ACTUAL XENOMORPH. After all the hype for something I didn't even think would happen, this is an amazing moment for me.

 Shredder...looks like normal Shredder, but it might be a badly-drawn Super Shredder. See how gaily he prances!

Splinter actually does something, piloting a flying ship to drop...our hero into the enemy base. Which hero IS that? Without color, it's hard to tell.

 The next supervillain on tap is Baxter Stockman. Still don't like this guy. More importantly, it looks like our heroes were already here, judging from the grafitti.

Right after that is a massively-deformed Stone Soldier with no soul.

Defeat him, and you find...

...April, bound and gagged. What our heroes don't realize is that she just read that terrible 50 Shades book and got kidnapped on purpose. Now she's all tied up, awaiting a prince who will give her copious amounts of oral. You're gonna be waiting a while, lady.

 Saving April is just the beginning. This game has a SIXTH stage, and herein lies the true final battle.

Sewer-surfing follows en route to the Technodrome. I get attacked by about 30,000 little robots here and eventually fall simply from not being able to deal with so many assaults without a heal. It's a similar experience to playing the story mode of Destiny. Without any checkpoints for long amounts of time, eventually you're just gonna get worn down from fighting such ridiculous numbers of trash mobs.

Yes, that was my first death. Game is easy, yo. Looks like each Turtle has a mere one life.

A less-fugly Stone Soldier awaits in the Technodrome. Maybe this one is General Tragg. I always liked that guy when I was a kid, even though I largely missed the Stone Soldier era.

Shredder, MK2. He's tougher this time, and he might have more spikes. If he wasn't Super before, I think he's Super now. Still can't really tell, though.

And the final boss is Krang in his MAN SUIT. Yes, you fight three bosses in a row here.

Luckily, this last fight is a total joke. I win by jump kicking repeatedly, much like the Goro fight in the original Mortal Kombat.


There's yet another Game Boy game to talk about. This one is very different from the previous two. Rather than a beat-em-up, it's a Metroid-type dungeon exploration game. Without the items and whatnot. really, as bare-bones as possible.

 Splinter and three of the Turtles (Mike was out cavorting with his 'hoes...homie gets the poon) set out to stop Shredder from doing... whatever Shredder is doing this week.

::record scratching:: But wait! THEY get kidnapped, and it's up to a returning Mike to rescue them.

This has more of a platformer feel to it, with multiple elevations to the level design.

The objective here is to rescue the other three Turtles. And Splinter, I guess. Not April? MY GOD, NOT APRIL, A NEW DAY HAS ARRIVED FOR WOMEN

 Mike has an awesome gliding move. I think he did this in the show back in the day.

The map is... quite a maze. Very different layout from the previous games (which were... a line). This one takes quite a bit longer to get through, as well. The dots represent bosses, keys, and prisoners.

Mega Man style boss door! That's pretty cool, actually.

It's... uh... I have no idea who the hell this is. A prison-convict cat?

Victory gets me a key, and that lets me break into one of the prison cells I've passed by. Who is inside?

LEO. His special power is drilling through some breakable floors, as long as you aren't in a state that has banned fracking.

They didn't torture Leo or anything. Which means that the Foot Clan is nicer to prisoners than the Bush Administration.


This game also features heart containers to expand your life meter. Hey, this is all pretty cool. I'm pleasantly surprised.

Is that Dirtbag? The bosses certainly aren't the all-star roster of TMNT villains. This is more like the D-League of bad guys.

That said, the graphics are again a step up from the previous game; the Turtles look good, the bosses look good... I give this game a thumbs up.

I free Raph with the key from that guy, and it appears that Raph has the power to duck into his shell and roll through narrow passages. Yes, like Samus' morph ball. This game definitely took a lot from Metroid.

Boss three... a triceratops with a shotgun? Who are these douchebags?

I free Donatello, who has the power to climb walls. Not as good as it sounds since wall-climbing is very slow and he can't jump off. Ehhh.

Donatello confirms what we know, that the evil Shredder is attacking. Luckily our heroes, and I quote, won't cut him no slack.

 About 90% of the game transpires in this mine, so it's nice when it takes you outside.

Fourth boss... I don't even know what the hell this is supposed to be. He's the most difficult fight in the game, whatever he is. With that, Splinter is saved.


While this game wasn't difficult up to now, it's time for the final stage. ...the worst final stage in series history. Seriously, this final stage is HORRIBLE.

It pits you against all four bosses in a row. They may be a bunch of nobodies, but all four in a row is a bit excessive. You get healed between fights, but you lose your pizza (which is essentially an E-Tank that you can only have one of at a time) if you lose any of the fights. You need that for the final boss, and you can't get it back without resetting. In other words, you need to reset every time you fall here and redo the last area. If you lose your E-Tank Pizza, you're screwed even if you make it to the end.

Also, you have to start at the beginning of the boss rush if you die, in addition to losing your pizza, so there isn't even the advantage of checkpoints.

 Shredder is the final boss, as the Lord intended. Here, he channels a Spirit Bomb.

 You NEED a pizza for this fight, and therein lies the big problem with the finale. Get here without a pizza, and the death loop of the boss rush will continue ad nauseum.

Win, and April is saved.

"Brother Leo! I knew you'd come!"

Annnd that concludes this game. Pretty good until the end. Can't say any of these are must-play or superior to their console counterparts, though.




    1. Sure, why not. Don't know when, though...

  2. Krang's rulxing theme is in the Game Boy games too? ...hey, that theme rulx!

    My guess is that Krang never met his demise, no. Villains on the old shows back then never died.

    Heh, pretty funny that the ending is the same as TMNT2. Don't they sleep in their shells... in their beds?

    Man, you aren't kidding, everyone looks pretty crappy in Back From the Sewers.

    Considering Shredder lasted 10 seasons I believe the Turtles did cut him a fair bit of slack. Either that or they're bad at their job.

  3. The Angry InternetJune 23, 2015 at 12:02 AM

    The triceratops with a gun is probably a Triceraton, one of the earliest TMNT villains (in fact Eastman and Laird created them before the Turtles and then brought them into the franchise). No idea who those other guys are.

    1. Triceraton, eh? I learn something new every day. Thanks for the comment!

  4. I've played this game before! Not on my Game Boy, but on one I borrowed from a friend.

    The cop who came to your school sounds like a really good guy, better than a lot of cops we see in real life. Cheers to him.

    Hero Turtles instead of Ninja Turtles? Very interesting.

    You're right about the character designs being off in this second GB game.

    OK, Metroid Turtles is an inventive swerve, too bad they put that insane non-fun boss rush at the end.

    The Turtles show went 10 seasons Brayn? That's pretty awesome longevity.

    Reading this many mails in a row, April is starting to hypnotize me, and I'm wondering what kind of reports she does on Shredder.

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