This is a tactics game from Capcom that uses characters from the Nobunaga era. A concept that's pretty much impossible to go wrong with, and they didn't. This is one of the more underrated games of the GBA era. Never heard much of anything about it, but it exists and it was pretty cool.
Funny thing is, I played it in 2003-2004 instead of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance because I wanted to save FFTA for later/better times, and this was kinda just its stand-in as "something to do". Then it proceeded to exceed expectations. Meanwhile, when I eventually got to FFTA in 2009 or so, it was a letdown that I never want to play again, and I have way fonder memories of this one in comparison.
Regardless, since I played this in 2003-2004, it's time to take us back. Back...20 years! To a time when I was even less mature! Doodoodoo! Doodoodoo!
In 2003, the hottest movie was Teaching Mr. Tingle, starring Nintendo's own Link and beloved children's muppet Tingle. Sadly, shortly after the movie, Link was murdered by the blue rooster from Link's Awakening in what investigators called a revenge killing:
Probably the most suspicious-looking rooster I've ever seen. Safe to say that Link's beating on chickens has come home to roost. The rooster was eventually apprehended by Steve Irwin:
"Everyone stay back! This is one of the deadliest roostahs in the world!"
Yeah, that's all that happened in 2003. Time for the game. It's a game that
Announcer From The Wizard: "NONE of you have played before!"
Holy shit, is that Guy Pearce? ::checks:: ...no. Well, that would have been cool.
It really is a game almost nobody played. Gotta be the most underrated tactics game out there. Well, I'm here to raise awareness on this critical piece of the Game Boy Advance library.
Demonic entities called The Genma have been besetting upon Japan, and they're now being led by Nobunaga Oda. Yes, this does take some historical liberties.
The only hope for the land...is midriff-bearing hero Onimaru. That sword looks nasty.
Now for the official theme music of Onimusha Tactics:
Shubuda shi shi shiiiinamo!
"Hey hey let's go kick assu!"
"Taisusetsumono protect my balls!"
"So let's fighting!"
"Lettttt's fighting love!"
"Letttt's fighting-" record scratches
Who's this cute woman?
Oh, it's Onimaru's sister. Well, at least there won't be any romance in this situation.
Just constant weird allusions to it!
Here's their sensei, Sandayu. He has dastardly eyebrows, and raised our heroes.
...to kick assu, specifically Genma assu.
Onimaru has no tolerance for these dogs of Genma.
Our heroes rush to the scene...
...only to find that the Genma have already laid waste to the town. So basically they're just assholes.
Their leader meets our heroes for the first time. It's...
...Genma Lord Nobunaga Oda, with the weirdest boots I've ever seen.
This kicks into motion the entire rest of the game. Onimaru and Nobunaga will have a storied rivalry.
The villagers join Onimaru's cause. A leader has emerged! Unfortunately these guys are basically red shirts. Far more formidable is Oboro:
She wields a staff and has ninja powers. Meanwhile Onimaru is basically your knight/fighter type. The characters are rigid in their classes, no class-changing in this game. Each character has their own specialties and pros/cons for bringing them along.
Nobunaga is bulletproof, like 50 Cent. However, he beats a hasty retreat when his personal guard are outnumbered.
Onimaru vows not to let the Asses of Evil ravage any more towns.
Nobunaga may have "retreated" but he won this battle and accomplished all of his objectives, now he's off to the next land that's resisting him.
Here's his vice president, the nefarious Dick Hideyoshi. With an 18% approval rating, Dick is a real piece of work.
Meanwhile, Onimaru is doing what he can and forming alliances. Very Liu Bei type character here, rallying the farmers and townsfolk. His next ally of import:
Magoichi, master of the steel rifle! This guy is ranged DPS and he's pretty sick.
Looks like in order to battle the Genma, our heroes will have to venture into Hell.
But first, time to gather a multilateral broad-based international coalition together in an attempt to add legitimacy to our conquest of Hell. It isn't easy, as even Bulgaria won't go along with this and they'll go along with anything. We'll be sorely missing all 5 of their troops on this conquest.
Our latest ally Kabuki laments his lack of money and women. Or maybe it's just a lack of money while he has women. Which is probably why the lack of money.
Also, it's 2003, this guy hasn't seen money troubles yet. Just wait another 20 years or so and meet hyperinflation and cost of living.
Yeah, it sure is. Oh, you mean the place.
They're greeted by Yama, the doorman of Dragonball Z fame.
This is the first major boss of the game. I rely heavily on Magoichi's range DPS for this one.
"Lettt's fighting loooove!"
That's it for Hell. Back to the real world, we now encounter one of Nobunaga's chief Genma. It's always four lords.
He has a nasty mid-range spell attack, but doesn't move until provoked. So I line up all the troops around the perimeter, just out of range...
...then they all attack at once!
I thought this guy had women? Lot of mixed signals from this guy. I haven't seen mixed signals like this since a girl bought and wore tight, pink jean shorts to hang out with me a few days after we broke up, knowing how I feel about jean shorts. We're broken up and you're going to wear the clothing equivalent of super-viagra?
Our next party member is Kotetsu, a villager who beats up bandits. Also, he vaguely resembles Bruce Lee.
A mystery woman appears! And she's got another really cool sword:
Who is she? Is she friend or foe? I dunno yet.
The mystery woman runs off, and Onimaru angrily throws his jagged sword on the ground.
"EVERYONE has a cool ninja weapon now! Dammit!"
So far the only iffy thing about this game is that you can't replay maps, which makes it difficult to get new characters leveled up. Other than that, it's pretty great. More on this game later.
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