Friday, November 4, 2016

Pokemon: Generation II (Part 8 - Misty, Brock, Blaine, Broken Matt)

...pest. The next thing she says - and this is true - is pest. What's her beef?

She then proceeds to throw open her trench coat and flash our hero in a onesie. Well, I suppose she's a bit older now. She's strutting her wild oats a bit.

Her primary offensive powerhouse is still Starmie, the water/psychic wonder. Aside from Starmie, the overall battle isn't much to write home about. bed. That's totally what she said.

Next up, I chase down a Team Rocket goon who stole a mechanical part. Unfortunately, he dropped it somewhere.

That this completely obscure tile in Misty's gym. You have to face it from the right. I imagine lots of players got stuck trying to find this.

With it, we fix a generator and finally get repair-certified for massive generators. No more competitive Pokemon tournaments for this guy!

That leads to our hero getting the radio, which lets him...yeah. As far as I can tell the most important function of it is waking up Snorlax. Too bad it doesn't let you change the BGM like in Fallout 3.

She goes on to bellow that "THERE IS NO PSYDUCK. ONLY ZUUL."

Speaking of Snorlax, here's the big guy. He's the only major obstacle to progression in Kanto, and waking him up will let me reach the eastern part of the map. Unfortunately I need to do more fetch-questing first...

Another fetch quest I have to do is obtaining a train pass. This entails returning a Clefairy to this child, who it turns out is the sole source of train passes in all of Kanto or Johto. With this kind of monopoly, it's a good thing she isn't old enough to understand the power she wields over the citizens of the land.

...for now.

Now I can take the train back and forth to Johto, which is necessary to revisit Goldenrod City.

I visit the radio headquarters and talk to DJ's. I also take a moment to slap the oxycontin out of Rush Limbaugh's hand.

Finally, I take a quiz to get...

...a radio card that lets me tune into MORE stations. Yawwn. Sorry, this episode isn't too eventful so far...

Riding the metro.


I tune into the "Poke Flute" station, a network of didgeridoo folk tunes and liberal musings.

This stirs awake Snorlax, who it turns out is a rabid republican.

After our heroes administer a beatdown to the half-asleep pokemon, I capture him in a ball. This game is horrible.

Next I get a call from...wait, what? Who is this menacing clown?

This sounds like the villain of the next game. Keep an eye on Irwin the Juggler.

Going from one creepy thing to another, here's a house with no doors. It's apparently just called "SCIENCE". The horrors that took place within this compound are unspeakable.

Ohhhhhhh shit! We've arrived at the very first gym in all of the Pokemon series. This is the home of...

....BRRRRROCCCCK! ...well, just Brock.

He may not have a last name, but he's about to take our hero to




He's much smarter than he was in Gen 1, and now attacks with FIVE Pokemen instead of two. Unfortunately for him, he still isn't smart enough to attack with six. You're doing it wrong, man!

Brock's troupe of suicidal, homicidal, exploding rock-mons are a bit tedious to fight, but my team easily cleaves through them.

This thing looks oddly like a Predator's head. Get to the choppa.

Snorlax absolutely whoops up in this fight due to his high level and HP.

Onix is no longer Brock's top Pokemon; he now sports a fearsome Kabutops. This thing is what happens when Scyther mates with a stealth bomber.

Brock muses about the world being large as he takes a hit from his doobie.

Going south through the woods to the 8th gym of Kanto now. There's also the 7th gym in the Cinnabar Islands.

The 8th gym, much like in Gen 1, has an absentee leader. THEN WHY ARE THE LIGHTS ON?

Continuing south to the Seafoam Islands, I find that a volcanic eruption destroyed Blaine's town and the 7th gym.

...which means that the 7th gym is now Blaine's cave. Yeah, this all suddenly seems very unsafe.

Blaine looks like Dr. Wily in Witness Protection. He's three years older than he was in Gen 1. Meanwhile, these kids and their Pokemon continue to be the same age as they pummel him for badges year after year. Little is made of Blaine's plight.

This is one of the easiest gym battles in the entire game. He only has three Pokemon and they're all fire-type, meaning Suicune's water attacks dismantle them.

That's...another gym down, already. I gotta say, I was expecting Kanto to be a pretty lengthy "second half" to this game, but what we've gotten instead is a fairly bare-bones recreation of Gen 1 that can be blown through in a day.

Blaine's follower comes in and expresses his sheer denial at the situation. Gym leaders don't need gyms, he says. That's the old-school way to do things! Now it's all about caves. Let's leave them to their denying and move on.

...for Massacre? My God! Does this mean...

::piano music wafts in as Broken Matt Hardy appears::

This is it, our final battle. As far as I can tell, it's a totally optional fight.

He unleashes the rodent menace known as Sneasel. "My Preciousssss" it rasps while trying to get Kadabra's spoon.

Next up is the single coolest Pokemon in the entire verse, Gengar. This guy is perfect for Broken Matt.

I win, thanks in large part to the force of nature known as Suicune.

He speaks.

Unfortunately, that day will never come, because his time in this game is at an end. Wow, they really scaled down the role of the rival for this one, huh?

Next time on Pokemon: THE GRAND FINALE, as I take on the 8th and final Kanto gym leader...and then, a champion of the past.


  1. You interrupted her date, you pest! You're her cooler!

    In 1998 we called him "The Brock"

    The rival didn't really do it for me in this one. I wasn't expecting him to be Gary 2.0, but the way he fizzles out and almost randomly appears in Kanto and then vanishes seemed abrupt. I feel like I missed a real final confrontation somewhere there.

  2. There's an optionnal FINAL FINAL battle with the rival on a certain day before going into the elite four.
    There could also be one at Lake Rage but I'm not sure.