Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Pokemon: Generation III (Part 1 - Emerald Begins)

As America - and Earth itself - teeters on the precipice of annihilation, I start the third and final Pokemon that I'll be playing on here. Whooo! I'm not drunk!


Huh huh, it looks like "bitch". Huh huh.

He says this for the one player who doesn't already know that. Casper from Wyoming, congrats on getting the Game Boy Advance powered on!

I face the most important decision that anyone on the planet will make today. Do I go with the guy, or the girl? One of them has some pretty strong qualifications, while the other has a penis. We know he'll be able to take on the Elite Four!

I pick the girl, because it's a change of pace. That and I have a certain name in mind for her...

The game begins with her jumping off the back of a truck. Er...what? She lives in a truck?

My God! She just moved to a new town, and her parents made her ride in the truck with all the furniture! That's not only illegal, it's incredibly dangerous.

Continuing into the new house, I find the hottest new Nintendo system. As for what game is in it currently... you guessed it, Petz Catz.

Gen 1 had the Super NES.

Gen 2 had the N64. Now we're in the early 00's. If we ever get a prequel Pokemon that takes place before the rest, I hope the hero has an NES.

Man, that Gamecube is the coolest. You can connect the Game Boy Advance that you're holding right to the system. Can the Playstation 2 do that? And this new Microsoft XBox is just embarassing. The odds of that company becoming a major player on the console wars are about as good as the odds of ever getting a black president.

I turn on the TV to see Tom Hanks' Big. Surprised there isn't something more contemporary on, like Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.

Behold, our hero is the aptly-named Renee, WWE interviewer extraordinaire. She may or may not have once dated Ambrose from Gen 1, depending on when this takes place and the legality of all participants.

This dill-weed is the rival for the game...and I can't name him. WTF. So I can choose which character to play as but I can't name the rival? One step forward, one step back.

Unlike the first two gens, in this game you set out into the world before claiming a Pokemon. Before long you find a guy under attack in the woods, and intervening in that fight is what gets you into the Pokemon business. Or I could turn around and go back to the town and play Gamecube while that guy gets torn apart by his bloodthirsty Pokemon.

We have the usual Grass/Water/Fire types for starters. Respectively, they're Treeko, Mudkip, and Torchic.

I got a unanimous vote from my co-workers to go with Torchic since he turns into Blaziken later, a Fire/Fighting dual-type powerhouse. I found Fire-types pretty underwhelming in the first two gens, so hopefully this will break the trend...

Torchic's first foe? Zigzagoon, the villainous rodent that was assaulting Professor Bitch. Er, Birch.

After winning that fight, I return to the lab. Looks like I get to keep Torchic, while Brandon got Mudkip.


Is this guy trying to set us up? I'm happy being a single woman so BACK OFF.

Continuing on, I find a town with shops. No Pokeballs yet, though. I don't like these early delays on getting the 'balls. Let me start collecting!

Oh, first I have to fight Brendan. As far as rivals go, he's the nicest one ever. He isn't a competitive jerk like the Gen 1 rival, nor is he a dark goth menace like the Gen 2 rival. He's just... a dude who is happy to be alive. #owningit #blessed

Also he wears underpants as a bandana.

I dispatch him so quickly that I don't even get a shot of his Mudkip. Huh. Next time.

Let's go to Renee to get Brendan's thoughts on the battle!

"I'm here with Brendan, who just suffered a loss in his Pokemon Emerald debut. How are you holding up?"

"Great, thanks! I'm going to catch more Pokemon and do better next time! #blessed #lovinglife #badass"

If he'd stop using hashtags for anything he'd be more of a threat in the Pokemon arena. Now make with the 'balls, Professor Bitch!

YEAH! Now I start my collection! ...that is, if I run into anything particularly eye-catching. The Hoenn region, where this game takes place, has a very different Pokemon lineup than the early areas of the first two gens. At least, so far. No Pidgeys or Rattatas. Haven't seen anything I wanted yet, so Torchic might be flying solo for a little while. He's likely to get to his second evolution pretty quick.

"The most important thing for me is that we be safe and have fun! Hashtag loving life, hashtag next Pokemon champion!"

I was starting to lament at the slow movement speed in the game when this happened. Now I can sprint around at a VERY nice clip, instantly making this game much faster than the first two in terms of overworld roaming. The only problem is...the battles do seem slower than the first two gens. Not sure yet how much of that is in my imagination, but there's a definite plodding pace to these fights.

I know Gen 4 is super-slow compared to the first two, so I suspect the slowness began here. Luckily Gen 5 onward improved on this.

All of that aside, I've noticed a few major improvements over previous gens already. One, the graphics are better. Not only does it have more colors and detail, it also has some pretty cool effects. Two, the sound is much better. The dialogue has also gotten a massive upgrade, which I'll go into more later.

When she says extra-fast, she isn't kidding. Renee's running speed is now roughly equal to the biking speed of the first two gens.

Torchic continues to go on a killing spree, racking up the levels. No idea who the first gym leader will be or what their element is...I'm going into this game with virtually zero prior knowledge about it.

As is tradition, punk kids sass our heroine in the first area.

Man, it's pretty sad how Edge's parents got turned into trees.

I arrive at the next town, which is home to the first gym. I'll tackle it - with my sole Pokemon - next time. Maybe I should go ahead and see how far I can get with a solo-mon...

This kid is talking about the journey of being a Pokemon trainer. Perhaps the biggest improvement in this game is the dialogue. It's SO MUCH BETTER than previous gens, and some of the NPCs talk in flowery verbiage that is reminiscent of games like Earthbound. I'll go out of my way to talk to everyone in this one.

One hour in, that'll do it for today. I chose the lady, but how will America choose later today?

1 comment:

  1. The player riding in the back with the furniture is still one of the strangest things in all of pok├ędom to me.

    Edge's parents... man, I see it.

    If I remember right, that first gym belongs to your pops and you won't be challenging that one just yet.

    But... the future refused to change.