Saturday, November 19, 2016

Pokemon: Generation III (Part 2 - Roxanne)

This guy is just too cool for school, isn't he? Not only is he wearing hip shades, he can't even be bothered to look at our hero while he addresses her. She's also clearly way too weak of a trainer for him to bother with, so he apologizes for wasting her time. F**** off, dude.

The gym leader in the first town is...Renee's Dad! I'm actually surprised that it took this long for the series to give us a family member as a gym leader.

Yeah, no thanks to you! Renee has been moving boxes all day while this guy sits in a gym acting all high and mighty!

At this point I have to accompany a kid while he gives me the tutorial on how to capture Pokemon. This...seems a little late.

The big question is... WTF is Ralts?

After helping out the random kid and getting a tutorial, I return to Renee's Dad to battle him. He slyly begs off and sends me to the next town.

Roxannnnne! You don't have to put on the red light!

He won't fight me yet...apparently he's the 4th or 5th gym leader.

Am I the only one who read this as "We must have been farted to meet"?

Whoa, trainer graphics are substantially improved over the previous games. The colors and detail are on another level.

The trainers around the first trainer tend to utilize lots of bug-types, as is tradition. The early parts of most Pokemon games harken back to the bug-collecting of the creator's childhood.

Next up, Renee goes to a nearby Pokestop and finds some creepy guy laying in wait. It's just like real life!

Knee him in the balls and run!

Luckily, the creepy guy is chased off by Team Aqua, who are apparently one of the heirs to the Team Rocket villain dynasty. There's also Team Magma. They despise each other, because Team Magma is pro-life and Team Aqua is pro-gay marriage.

After a couple more battles, my sole Pokemon evolves. Already? Wow. Torchic may be cute, but I'm happy to see him evolve into something more fearsome:

...Kung-Fu Chicken.

He gets a Fight move right off the bat, which will be a HUGE help against the rock-types in the first gym. Much like Gen 1, fire is at an early disadvantage... until it reaches level 16 and gets this move.

Now that he can likely run over the first gym by himself, I'm considering going ahead and doing a one-Pokemon run of the game. That'd be insane, but it's possible.

...I might have to because at this point I think this guy will one-shot any Pokemon that I try to capture. I just haven't seen any Pokemon that I wanted yet. I'm not out to catch 'em all, I'm out to build a solid main force.

The guy has to get going and deliver his sex offender registration to the DMV.

Yeah, that's gonna happen. WE'RE SURROUNDED BY TALL GRASS.

Man, Trump isn't even president yet and we're already de-regulating forest protection.

On a much nicer note, here's Lass Haley. With the much-sexier character sprites in this game, Renee briefly considers dabbling in lesbianism.

Finally, I arrive at the next town...and the first gym. For real this time! Who is inside? Why...Roxanne, of course.


I'd be in trouble right about now if my sole Pokemon didn't have that one Fight-type move. I suspect the developers put it in on purpose to bail out people who chose the fire starter.

Better than who? What is this trainer-supremacist bullshit?

This first gym is a total maze, and home to the big man known as...

...Hiker Marc. He's knows where all the bodies are.

ROXANNNNNE! (put on the red light!) ROXANNNNNNE!

Renee briefly considers lesbianism again. What is with the super-sexy trainers in this game? If I had played as a male hero his hormones would be going bonkers.


In any case, the gym leader fight music in this game is really good. I think I might like this more than any other gen's boss theme.

Roxanne is essentially Brock 2.0, and unleashes a couple of Geodudes. I see we're already following Gen 2's methodology of throwing a bunch of the same 'mon at the player during trainer fights...

Double Kick one-shots them, which is great because Combusken's fire attacks basically plink off of rock-types.

After two Geodudes, we meet the Triple H stunt double known as Nosepass. What the actual...heck?

Combusken psychs himself up for WAR!

That took not one, but TWO Double Kicks. After the win, Roxanne very politely says something about how the Pokemon rulebook states that she must now give me a badge for winning. She just realized that? How'd she get to be a trainer?

That's one down...lots to go.

This town is actually pretty cool from a looks standpoint. Really comes off as something different from most of the Poke-towns. Unlike Gen 1 and 2, they actually had the technical leeway to make the towns in this game look different from each other.

Looks like the next part of the game will involve the (sinister?) Devon Corporation.

The founder of this mysterious new group?



  1. I don't know what Ralts is, but I think it was stabbed by a popsicle stick.

    Your Combuskin is in its awkward years.

    Nosepass is no Onix.

    This is actually what Bubba is talking about when he asks for tables. The Devon Corporation makes them.

  2. Additionally, Pokemon breeding was brought into the game. With the introduction of the new Johto region, the Kanto region got its name and became a bonus area to explore. The choice of male/female protagonist also changed gameplay for the rest of the generations.