Pokemon Crystal (Generation II), Part 8 - Janine, Misty, Brock, Blaine, Broken Matt

Whew, that's a lot of bosses in this episode. It's possibly the largest post in Gen II, as I sprint for the goal line.

Moving on, I arrive at Fuchsia City, home of Koga. Since he's a member of the Elite Four now, who will be his replacement here?

The gym is much as I remember it, with weird semi-visible walls. Any of the trainers in here can be the gym leader, because she's in disguise.

Looks like I found the right one, as she unleashes Mirko Crobat.

And the new gym leader is...

...Janine, the daughter of Koga. She dishes out the same poison-types as her minions. Missed getting shots of the fight, but trust me, nothing is really being missed here.

I think we all learned something today. Disney's Doug!

Oh God, this hot teacher has a spanking whip and everything. Gina who?

Looks like my path is blocked by a Snorlax. Need to find something to wake him up.

...pest. The next thing she says - and this is true - is pest. What's her beef?

She then proceeds to throw open her trench coat and flash our hero in a onesie. SURPRISE

Her primary offensive powerhouse is still Starmie, the water/psychic wonder. Aside from Starmie, the overall battle isn't much to write home about.

"...in bed."

Next up, I chase down a Team Rocket goon who stole a mechanical part. Unfortunately, he dropped it somewhere.

That somewhere...is this completely obscure tile in Misty's gym. You have to face it from the right. I imagine lots of players got stuck trying to find this.

With it, we fix a generator and finally get repair-certified for massive generators. That should generate a pretty solid income as a career. No more competitive Pokémon tournaments for this guy!

That leads to our hero getting the radio, which lets him...yeah. As far as I can tell the most important function of it is waking up Snorlax. Too bad it doesn't let you change the BGM like in Fallout 3.

She goes on to bellow that "THERE IS NO PSYDUCK. ONLY ZUUL."

Speaking of Snorlax, here's the big guy. He's the only major obstacle to progression in Kanto, and waking him up will let me reach the eastern part of the map. Unfortunately I need to do more fetch-questing first...

Another fetch quest I have to do is obtaining a train pass. This entails returning a Clefairy to this child, who it turns out is the sole source of train passes in all of Kanto or Johto. With this kind of monopoly, it's a good thing she isn't old enough to understand the power she wields over the citizens of the land.

...for now.

Now I can take the train back and forth to Johto, which is necessary to revisit Goldenrod City.

Riding the metro.

RIDING ON THE METRO AT NIIIIGHT

I tune into the "Poke Flute" station, a network of didgeridoo folk tunes and liberal musings.

This stirs awake Snorlax, who it turns out is a rabid republican. "Turn that trash off!" he bellows.

After all this trouble, I finally get him. This should be a huge boost to my forces, but Snorlax is never as powerful in practice as he is on paper. In every game I try to make him a fixture in the party and quickly give up.

Ohhhhhhh shit! We've arrived at the very first gym in all of the Pokemon series. This is the home of...

....BRRRRROCCCCK! ...well, just Brock.

He may not have a last name, but he's about to take our hero to

SOUP

PLEX

CITY!

He's much smarter than he was in Gen 1, and now attacks with FIVE Pokemen instead of two. Unfortunately for him, he still isn't smart enough to attack with six. You're doing it wrong, man!

Brock's troupe of exploding rock-mons are a bit tedious to fight, but my team easily cleaves through them.

This thing looks oddly like a Predator's head. Get to the choppa.

Snorlax absolutely whoops up in this fight due to his high level and HP.

Onix is no longer Brock's top Pokemon; he now sports a fearsome Kabutops. This thing is what happens when Scyther mates with a stealth bomber.

Brock muses about the world being large as he takes a hit from his doobie.

Going south through the woods to the 8th gym of Kanto now. There's also the 7th gym in the Cinnabar Islands.

The 8th gym, much like in Gen 1, has an absentee leader. THEN WHY ARE THE LIGHTS ON?

Continuing south to the Seafoam Islands, I find that a volcanic eruption destroyed Blaine's town and the 7th gym.

...which means that the 7th gym is now Blaine's cave. Yeah, this all suddenly seems very unsafe.

Blaine looks like Dr. Wily in Witness Protection. He's three years older than he was in Gen 1. Meanwhile, these kids and their Pokemon continue to be the same age as they pummel him for badges year after year. Little attention or care is given to Blaine's plight. Where is the spinoff that tells Blaine's story, damn it? No one knows what it's like...to be Blaine.

This is one of the easiest gym battles in the entire game. He only has three Pokémon and they're all fire-type, meaning Suicune's water attacks dismantle them.

That's...another gym down, already. I gotta say, I was expecting Kanto to be a pretty lengthy "second half" to this game, but what we've gotten instead is a fairly bare-bones recreation of Gen 1 that can be blown through in a day. It's still pretty awesome, but it's on the quick side.

Blaine's follower comes in and expresses his sheer denial at the situation. Gym leaders don't need gyms, he says. That's the old-school way to do things! Now it's all about caves. Yeah, I don't know, man. I think you're just being lazy.

...for Massacre? My God! Does this mean...

::piano music wafts in as Broken Matt Hardy appears::

This is it, the final battle between the two of us. It might be an optional fight...not sure.

He unleashes the rodent menace known as Sneasel. "My Preciousssss" it rasps while trying to get Kadabra's spoon.

Next up is the single coolest Pokemon in the entire verse, Gengar. This guy is perfect for Broken Matt.

I win, thanks in large part to how damn OP this one Pokémon is.

He speaks.

Unfortunately, that day will never come, because his time in this game is at an end. Wow, they really scaled down the role of the rival for this one, huh?

Next time on Pokemon: THE GRAND FINALE, as I take on the 8th and final Kanto gym leader...and then, a champion of the past.

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