Sunday, November 6, 2016

Pokemon: Generation II (Finale - Blue and Red)

Professor Oak greets our hero as he searches for the Viridian City gym leader. With Broken Matt defeated, along with the Elite Four and basically every other gym leader in existence, very little remains for Nero to prove.

Nero encounters Blue (aka Rollins) on an island. What he fails to note is that he was only champion for like five minutes. Here's his chance to win back the belt.

Here's Rollins' hot Armenian sister.

...with Rollins' sister!

Here's the man himself. He's the ruler of Viridian Gym now, which is a bit of a downgrade after being the Pokemon Champion.

It's champion vs. former champion as Nero takes on Rollins!

Wait a minute, is Viridian Gym made of legos?

This spiky-haired bastard has something to prove. it's pretty weird that he leads off with a Pidgeot. It's level 56, at least. We're severely outgunned here.

He also has me trumped on psychic Pokemon, with a full-fledged Alakazam.

This fight is way harder than the optional Broken Matt fight, and waaaaaay harder than the last few gym leaders in Kanto. For him to not be the Pokemon champion anymore, Red/Ambrose must be quite the badass.

My overlevelled Dragonite gets field-tested here...and does extremely well. He's burly.

A taste of my own medicine follows, as he attacks with an Arcanine. Suicune makes short work of him, though. Suicune is like fire-kryptonite.

He said "heck"! How ribald.

With Blue defeated, I've cleared out Kanto. Except...people keep mentioning Red, the hero of Gen 1. AKA Ambrose, AKA Ash Ketchum.

Looks like Ash has "upgraded" to an N64 in the three years of storyline time since Gen 1. No wonder he ran away from home, his mom got the system that can't play Final Fantasy VII.

Professor Oak is impressed with my collection of SIXTEEN gym badges, and tells me the wherabouts of Ash:

Mt. Silver, a tall peak to the north. Looks like our final battle will be a showdown of Gen 1 and Gen 2 heroes.

But first! I try catching the remaining legendaries. Besides Suicune, there are also Entei and Raikou. Suicune is this game's Articuno, while Entei and Raikou are Moltres and Zapdos respectively. Catch all three of the aformentioned legendarys, and you can go after super-legendaries Ho-Oh and Lugia. They're both Mewtwo level, I guess. Then there's Celebi, the uber-legendary, which is this gen's Mew.

...well, none of that matters, because I couldn't get Raikou to appear and Entei kept fleeing immediately. WTF. No legendaries for me. But that's okay, because Mt. Silver is home to...

...Larvitar. My God. It's the proto-form of Tyranitar, my favorite Pokemon that I've never actually caught in a game.

I catch Larvitar and spend the next hour or so leveling him up to round out my team. WHO NEEDS MORE LEGENDARIES?

Larvitar reaches his second form soon enough. This is no Metapod situation, though. Pupitar is a FORCE.

Mt. Silver is ideal for level-building, with enemies in the 40's. Aside from taking time to level up this guy, I also got my other 'mons a bunch of additional levels.

 Here's a one-minute snapshot of what it looks like to level-grind at 2000% speed in this game.

Oh My God. This is it. The moment of truth.



Ponyta: "oh shit, i'm outta here"


Unfortunately, Tyranitar doesn't learn any particularly great attacks in his own leveling, so I go out of my way to find a TM that'll give him a beefier offensive lineup.

Earthquake is perfect for TYRANITAR.


Behold his splendor!

Tyranitar would have been the greatest starter ever, but unfortunately I was stuck with Totodile. Sorta wish I'd gone with Cyndaquil in retrospect. Totodile's maximum-evolved form ended up being my obsolete HM mule, which I've documented. Strength and Surf are pretty strong attacks, at least.

Mt. Silver is mainly composed of caves. It's Victory Road 2.0.

This is absolutely the ideal place to level-grind for this gen, and one can get their Pokemon team from level 40ish to level 70ish in a day's work. Or...if they have a way to speed up the game...a couple hours work.

Finally, our hero arrives at the summit of Mt. Silver to find... our other hero?

Indeed, the heroes of the two gens are practically mirror images. This is it, the final battle. My team going in: Tyranitar, Feraligatr, Dragonite, Suicune, Arcanine, and Kadabra. None of them have let me down yet.

Only one is Ash Ketchum, though. I think.

Yep, he's the real deal alright, as he leads off with the electric death-machine that is Pikachu.

Pikachu may be LEVEL EIGHTY-ONE, but I have two Pokemon with potent water-type moves to tap here. I went ahead and sent my starter against his starter, and despite the level disparity I won easily. That's round one...five to go.

Next up is Bulbasaur's final form. Arcanine shines here, as the fire wolf unleashes hell.

If you can't match up with this guy on levels, it's all about hitting weaknesses. Level-grinding on Mt. Silver to at least get closer to his stats is advisable, too.

What the hell? Espeon? Is that another Eevee form? Regardless, this looks like a job for TYRANITAR and his new Earthquake attack.


Yes, thank you.

Round four has him unleashing Blastoise. I don't have anything particularly strong against water, but Kadabra is generally pretty awesome.

Kadabra blasts Blastoise, and this round also ends in my favor. So far, I've won every round, so we're up 6 to 2 on remaining Pokemon. What could go wrong?

...Snorlax, that's what. I thought the Snorlax I fought earlier was tough, but this one has a ton more levels and can heal itself to full. Dragonite, my ringer up to now, actually LOSES this head-to-head.

Snorlax also has some heavy-duty attacks that plow through most of my already-weakened Pokemon lineup.

Finally, the Ford-tough Tyranitar manages to score the pin on the massive Pokemon.

Level 70? Man, I really grinded some levels for this guy at the last minute. Let's see how my team is looking going into the final round:

Yeah, Snorlax did a lot of damage, but we're still up 3 to 1 and I can't imagine anything else will be as difficult to topple as that last one.

Charizard is his final 'mon. Joke's on him, though, because I saved my strongest 'mon for last and it's water/ice type.

UNLEASH THE HYDRO PUMP! That was a one-shot victory.

Aside from The Devastation of Snorlax, that final battle wasn't too bad. His levels are out of control, though.

He doesn't say anything, and the credits roll. Weird. Well, the game's finished. Time to move onto Gen 3.

Wait, what? Nero's former squeeze is on the phone. What does SHE want?

Huh? I thought they were over. What game are you playing, Gina?

.............she wants to see our hero.

Go to her, Nero. Go to her.

::fade to black::


  1. Wow, look at the plumage on that Pidgeot. Such majesty.

    Even worse, Ash's mom sold his SNES, along with his copies of Final Fantasy 2, Final Fantasy 3, Secret of Mana, Chrono Trigger, Lufia 2, and Super Mario RPG. In its place, a N64 with Quest 64.

    Tyranitar > *

    Ash is cap forward, you're cap backward. That's how you tell.

    Huh, the levels are a bit lower here than in Soul Silver. Everything was in the 80s in that one.

    Great job clearing that hurdle at the end!

  2. She picked up sexy lingerie.
    Bitch been blue balling the hero for hte whole goddamn game.
    Tyranitar is a beast. Both him and Dragonite are massive juggernaut and they destroy everything.