Monday, August 26, 2013

The 7th Saga, Part 5 - Entwine

Previously on The 7th Saga, in ye olde days of... yesterday, it was time to slay the dragon.

Now, our heroes take on the nefarious Serpent. I'm getting closer to the end of the game, but first we've got some more blisteringly difficult boss fights.

Here's Serpent. Let the creep-fest begin.


Esuna blasts away with her one move, but does... very little damage. Safe to say that Serpent has more HP than any boss up to this point, in addition to being what Hitler saw when he closed his eyes.

My second reaction to Serpent's onslaught was to use everything I had to buff my characters. What was my first reaction, you ask? I peed.

Serpent's casting animation is actually pretty cool, as she starts glowing blue. This might be the most visually impressive boss since Romus.

And we win. Well, Esuna won. Olvan was too busy being stoned to help out much, hippie dwarf that he is.

PROTIP: In this game, Purify doesn't just cure poison, it cures petrification.

With that, I rescue the kids that Serpent was holding hostage. They thank me by milling about and blocking the door. Get the hell out of my way, kids!

I go to get my rune for defeating Serpent, but the guy isn't around now. He went off on a booze run, or something. He should have stuck around, Olvan could probably hook him up.

Annnnd here he is. The fifth rune is now mine!

I don't know if it actually doubles your attack power, but it is definitely a significant boost. Goes great with the rune that boosts defense. Olvan just became a much more badass character.

In celebration, our heroes visit the inn, where Esuna mounts Olvan like a Texas longhorn.

I thought there were five runes. But wait! It turns out that there's a sixth rune. It's in the possession of Doros. ...the Explorer?

Doros has been mentioned a lot in the game, so you could say he's a mini Big Bad. For some odd reason, his castle is ON FIRE as our heroes climb it.

The basement is a cave maze. This game sure does have a lot of dungeons. It's a fine dungeon crawler, though.

An imprisoned old man questions Esuna. It'd be a hoot if this guy turned out to be Doros in disguise, testing whether or not I'm loyal to him. It'd beg the question of why he locked himself in his own jail while his castle is burning down upstairs. I'd expect that kind of thing from Kefka.

In any case, the old man gives our heroes the item they need to defeat Doros, a relatively-unassuming "Star".

No, here's the real Doros. He is indeed crazy.

The battle begins, and there are... three of him? Which one is real? All of them, as they proceed to dish out some serious punishment.

Luckily, you can use the Star from the old man in the basement to consolidate him into one form, much the way one would form a line of cocaine.

Check out my new rune. Olvan just went into FURY MODE.

Despite all of my recent upgrades, Doros is the hardest boss in the game up to this point. Yes, in a game with ridiculously hard bosses, this guy is the worst. He'd be a super-boss in a Final Fantasy game.

Olvan BRINGS THE PAIN. His physical attack is now my most damaging move. After being on offense for most of the game, Esuna is on healing duty at this point.

That extremely rough battle is over, and Doros will never explore again.

His power may be gone from the throne room, but the odors and the stains are not.

Sixth rune. One rune remains. Yeah, there were seven all along...oops. Seven means there's one rune for each of the seven heroes. Maybe that's why the game is called The 7th Saga.

Doros' followers are bewildered without their leader around anymore.

The Light Rune is great. It boosts magic power, which gives Esuna a comparable buff to the one Olvan is using to whoop so much ass.

For we are TRULY our brother's keepers.

"Bring the wine and whores!" screeches the king.

Here's Muramasa, a mighty sword for casters. Equipping it would mean Esuna's attacks aren't a complete joke anymore. Reminds me of the original Final Fantasy. In that game, Masamune could be equipped by any class, and thus became the best weapon in the game for casters by default.

.....never mind everything I just said because Esuna can't actually equip it. Maybe it's just for Valsu. Well, that sucks.

At this point I realize I never stopped the Belaine/Telaine war. So I head back there, braving mortar fire and chemical weapon attacks from the CIA-backed Telaine regime as I collect rocks. This one rock should stop the war. Why? Because...

...we're going to break it down and the leaders of both countries will snort it together. Man, I'm all about the cocaine references today.

"WHOOO" say the two leaders as they rub their noses.

"Do not be fooled, though. We have very large penises."

At this point I finally get Olvan a major axe upgrade. It's about time he got a new weapon, and it figures that he'd get one in the town of the dwarves.

Olvan ends up running into his uncle. Obviously this will only happen if Olvan is a part of your team.

The uncle gives us some information about an optional dungeon. It's accessible only if Olvan is in the party. I'll check it out next.

"Have my son's babies" says the creepy shopkeeper.

With that, our heroes discover that they're in Amsterdam. This might be the most drug-filled game since Earthbound.

Here's the location of the secret cave. Easily getting in is a matter of stimulating the clitoris

-saying the password, which is...

...very profane. We can infer that the monkey in question took quite a spanking.

I wonder if Esuna spanked it. Easy there, princess. The monkey is delicate.

The goal of the cave is a room full of boxes. Most of them have valuable gems in them. My money woes are officially solved, thanks to Olvan's uncle.

Quadrupled my current money very quickly. Rad.

Oh yeah? Is that what your wife tells you in bed?

To be continued.


  1. "Sorry, we don't handle this item" sounds like every day at work to me.

    1. Haha, good one. I bet trade-in shops DO get a lot of weird, wild stuff.
      The Crystal of Peace is a powerful drug, indeed! I should go sniffing around for it.
      It's cool that that commander remembered the oath he swore to you.
      Starting to worry about what happens when all these runes are gathered together. Is this Lennus 2?
      I'm really warming up to Olvan. He even has family members to meet, that give you stuff!
      Doros has a unique--and frightening--design.
      Very timely Telaine reference.
      How were the dwarf town's herbs?

    2. My trade-in shop gets a lot of weird stuff. Yesterday we had an old Asian guy try to sell us a bag of routers. He said "yes, yes!" and was a complete charicature straight out of a 1890's newspaper comic.

      The dwarf town had some fine herb.

      Olvan is probably the best character overall, both in power and having little Easter eggs throughout the game.

  2. Yeah Olvan is the best character in this game. He got more contents then the others characters, the worst one is definitely Kamil, he was an uber god in Elnard but here he sucks dicks, his stats gain are so bad, he's inferior to Olvan in every way.