Sunday, August 11, 2013

Highlander: The Series 1x09 - The Sea Witch

I always forget that this episode exists, because it's quite forgettable. It also isn't very good, in general. This is to be expected, considering it's from the first half of Season 1, which is the worst run of episodes in the series. This one involves a nefarious mobster and a boat. Featuring 10% more Creepy Richie. Batteries not included.

This title makes me think maybe the episode will involve something mystical. Like maybe an immortal witch who lives in a lake. But no, nothing that interesting.

Richie WALKS! Is that Shigeru Miyamoto over there? That man is adorable!

Lame stuff happens with Richie's old friends from the ghetto. He dated (or something) that woman, but she's kinda trashy and constantly gets into trouble.

I liked that first "old girlfriend" of Richie's. The one he smuggled into Duncan/Tessa's bedchambers. She was CUTE. Why didn't he get together with her? Every other woman he's been around has been issue city.

Stuff happens with like, mafia guys and cocaine or something. Yawn.

Jesus, not another crime episode. These early episodes suck so much. The creators of Highlander have this weird boner for doing a Cop Show, and they really tried to turn this into one early on. Unfortunately for them, Adrian Paul kinda shut down the idea and pushed the show in the direction it'd end up being. Not to worry, they'd get another shot at making a Cop Show with Highlander: The Raven, and with no one around to push it in the direction of something more interesting, that show died after one season.

Stuff happens with gunshots and rock and roll music~!

This show isn't Miami Vice. It's trying to be Miami Vice, but I knew Miami Vice, Miami Vice was a friend of mine, and this is no Miami Vice.

Here's Alexei, the villain of the episode. He's a Russian mobster, and of course, he's immortal. Well, this is a step up from Doctor Pantoliano, at least.

His hooligan thugs try to kill Richie's saucy redheaded friend, but he whisks her to safety. She has their drugs, or something.

Whoa! Look! It's the star of the show! He brawls with the hooligans to save Richie. You'll pay for this, Alexei!

...though really, I'd fault Richie's lady-friend more for bringing these problems to the doorstep of our heroes.

Richie took a beating during the fight, and now he must be tended to by the Saucy Redhead.

Richie lets her stay with them until the mafia stuff blows over.

They may be all sweaty and not wearing much, but they won't be getting their freak on. She's too busy giving him attitude for helping her. Yay.

Tessa walks in, and immediately the redhead starts up with her attitude. She's FROM THE STREETS~! and doesn't like rich ladies like Tessa.

Richie is upset by his friend's hostility. I vote that they just kick her out and call it an episode.

She has a daughter (not with Richie). Tessa takes care of her for a bit, and gives her a doll that she herself grew up with. The whole thing makes Tessa wish she could have kids, which is a recurring issue for her.

The 'tuded one gets caught by the villains, and things aren't looking good. They want their drugs and their money.

Luckily, the Dynamic Duo of Richie and Duncan swoop in and save her.

Alexei calls Duncan on the phone and they have their first conversation. Turns out they know each other from The Past~!, as per usual with this show.

Ya know, Alexei is pretty creepy here. Damn near as creepy as Creepy Richie. They should team up to rap the Bing Bong Bros song.





We flashback to Soviet Russia, as Duncan is helping people flee from Stalin while looking like he just heard the Bing Bong Bros song.

Alexei, his good friend at this time, is the captain of a proud boat called the Sea Witch. He's using it to transport refugees out of Russian waters safely.

Thing is, one day, Stalin made him an offer he couldn't refuse, so he sells out. It's a MAD HOUSE as the troops rush in and seize everyone.

Duncan hasn't forgotten that act of betrayal. He wants Alexei to repent by letting Richie's friend go, but Alexei doesn't go for it.

Duncan heads out to the ocean and boards the Sea Witch 2 (new and improved).

Alexei doesn't seem to mind the challenge. Now they must battle, as is tradition.

They fight outside the boat in an eerie mist. It's pretty cool, actually.

It's a strange fight because Alexei spends most of it hiding from Duncan. Well, he didn't seem like the most honorable guy...

At the end, Alexei gets knocked into the ocean and beheaded on the ship's propellers. Duncan doesn't realize what happened at first. This shows us that if an immortal dies on an object rather than to a person, their quickening just goes to the nearest immortal. If none are around... well, there probably isn't a quickening. We can assume that nothing happens, or perhaps the electricity just dissipates.

Here, the electricity travels up the boat and into Duncan. THIS IS THE QUICKENING

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Richie's friend and her daughter are saved. They bid farewell to our heroes and mercifully leave.

Tess is going to miss The Child, though. She'd be a good mom, too bad it isn't destined to happen.

Another episode ends with Duncan by himself. He throws Alexei's sword into the ocean mournfully.

A random fisherman sees Duncan throw the sword into the water, and says "that must have cost you quite a bit!"

Duncan replies with "you have no idea."

Deep. These things would have more impact if this show had more of a continuous story thread, though. If these characters lasted for multiple episodes and were more fleshed out.

Here's the villain. I stand corrected: he isn't Russian, he's Serbian.

"Please let me show you my penis!"



  1. Yeah, this is just another pre-Band of Brothers episode.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Your blog makes me insanely happy. Loved the show. Love this. Thank you!

  4. Great review! 🧜‍♂️