Pokemon: Generation III (Part 5 - Norman)

Mirage Tower is an optional area where you can get a fossilized Pokemon. Fun Fact: The original Final Fantasy also has a place called Mirage Tower in the middle of the desert.

There's a collapsing floor in here that I wasn't able to get around. You have to use the bike to get over it before it falls apart, but I couldn't make that work either. What it comes down to is that you have to gain momentum with the Mach Bike, then do a rapid direction-change before you hit the wall. I never revisited this area, though. It's purely optional, and gives you a fossilized Pokemon.

Flirting: It isn't what it used to be.

At this point you need to do a substantial amount of backtracking to get back to the early areas of the game. Specifically...

...Petalburg, lair of Renee's Dad. This is going to be a tough fight.

But first! Brendan is here to test Renee (and lose) yet again. Just bugger off! Is this doofus seriously going to be the final boss?

Petalburg Gym is a succession of trial rooms. Each one has a different theme. You need to get through three of these rooms to reach the boss, and they're all challenging. Completionists will need to spend a while on this particular gym in order to get to all of the rooms in question...

I think that this room has the effect of giving all abilities 100% accuracy. This means that low-accuracy heavy-duty attacks excel here. I'm surprised that the developers didn't utilize these "room effect" mechanics in more parts of the game.

The followers of Norman fall quickly to the sheer power of Blaziken. This guy is whooping up and I'm living large. The only way this game could go south now is if there's an OP Psychic-themed gym coming up. Or if the Elite Four now all have Surf on all of their Pokemon. I know the devs are into nerfing Blaziken for this edition, but that'd be ridiculous.

Editor's Note: Those things are all going to happen

Behold. It's Noiman. He's such a noice boy!

"HAAAPPY HAAAPPY HANNUKAH."

What a sick, twisted maniac. I like how the dad looks like he's about 20.

"Dreidel Time, Bitch."

Norman unleashes the most horrifying Pokemon I've ever seen. GET OUTTA THERE, BLAZIKEN!

The B-Team fights valiantly. Skarmory is actually very good, but lacks levels. Torkoal is a bit slow, as expected from a turtle. Zubat is still the last one at the bar at 2 AM. And finally, Kadabra has definitely taken a hit from the nerf bat since the previous two games.

Norman's next minion is an adorable ferret...that quickly goes rabid and latches onto Blaziken's neck.

Rounding out this menagerie...nay...this ROGUE'S GALLERY is...Harambe. Blaziken kills him again with Blaze Kick.

"NO!! HARAMBE!!"

I like how generic this guy is as a gym leader. He uses Normal types, his badge is Balance, and he's like super politically neutral. Take a stand on something, man!

We get a flash of the occasional emotionally-driven dialogue in this game. He's happy that his child is now a powerful Poke-master, but...where did the time go?

Another (yay) Hidden Machine is acquired at this point. This is Surf, probably the most important one in this game besides Fly. Now I can get to the whole eastern half of the map.

Wally is that kid I helped out at the beginning. He pops up throughout this game as kind of a "junior rival" who is trying his darndest to be as good at Pokemonning as our hero is. Wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be the final boss.

Meanwhile, Wally's mom... is banging the mailman.

At this point I had to interrupt the flow of the game to track down a Pokemon that can actually use Surf. Luckily, Zigzagoon is one such Pokemon, and it's extremely common around the early towns.

Now equipped with a surfing raccoon, I patrol the rivers and seas. The waterways in this game are surprisingly linear and basically amount to more of your standard Routes. Swimming trainers abound, which means...

...lots of hot women in swimsuits. What's Yukari from Persona 3 doing out here?

Those annoying interviewers are back again to ask me how I feel about beating up my dad. This time, Renee smashes their camera and goes "NO FURTHER QUESTIONS."

After a lot of excuses and guilt-tripping, I finally give in and at least give them a statement.

And that statement...

...is "dude".

Here's Steven, one of the strongest trainers in Hoenn and another final boss candidate.

Editor's Note: In Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire, I believe Steven IS the final boss. This one, however, may shuffle things a bit. We'll see.

"I'M AN ADULT!" screeches this random grunt as he throws his phone on the ground.

It'll never be hooked up, for the same reason I can't get Allakazam or Golem.

In a political twist, this hot jogger in a "Make Hoenn Great Again" hat now lectures Renee on the dangers of not wearing a condom. I did NOT see that coming!

In other news, guarding is hard.

Team Aqua is not happy about Renee getting in their way. Much like her dad, she's politically moderate, and won't take a side.

Oh shit, it's Brendan again. This guy is the most annoying Pokemon rival ever. He isn't a menace, or even interesting. He just sorta appears every little while to act all cheerful, lose to you, and scamper off to parts unknown.

"Let's make this a great battle! #thingsI'mthankfulfor #endwhitepriviledge"

Wait, what?

I didn't get any shots of the battle, because Brendan is just that darn lame.

On the bright side, I FINALLY get the HM of Fly. With that, I can quickly and easily get all around Hoenn.

Castform is a weird little 'mon that I wish were more powerful than it is. It uses ice and water attacks and can change the weather (and thus its form). Seems like a pretty interesting Pokemon...but it really isn't powerful. I did try to level it up a bit, but it was having issues with lower-level enemies.

Skarmory is another 'mon I'd like to get more use out of. It actually IS powerful (and being able to run Fly for me is a good perk). Alas, it takes a very long time to level up in this game compared to the first two gens, so most of my efforts go towards Kadabra and Blaziken.

Stopping for today at Fortree City, a forest town reminiscent of Kelethin from Everquest. I love tree-top towns like this; if only it were 3D so we could really see the scope of it. The next gym leader is nearby, and she's a master of birds like Faulkner. More on this later.

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