Saturday, December 3, 2016

Startropics Pt 3 - Resurgence

Time for the finale of Startropics: A true NES classic.

The alien spacecraft is hiding out in some mountains. I don't really know what's going on, but let's roll with it.

There are actually not one, but three dungeons in the spaceship, and they're the last three dungeons of the game. At this point the difficulty spikes like the NBA's ratings in 2010.

This dungeon is a mess of teleportation devices and it's difficult to keep track of where you are at any given time. It's like a drunken Friday night in the big city.

What follows is the hardest boss fight in the game, as you take a brutal beatdown from two psychotic mechs in a room full of little platforms.

 After barely scraping through that predicament, Mike finds one of the space cubes and his yo-yo reaches max power. Now it can fire all the way across the screen, which is pretty useful. I don't know why NES games had this fascination with shortening your firing distance until you got a certain upgrade.

Next dungeon... more robots await. And not the beautiful, porcelain Japanese sex robots that populate most video games. No, these are vicious, Terminator style death-machines.

"Damn Machina!"

The boss of the second dungeon... this one is a huge step down in difficulty from the previous boss. Since you're fighting on a one-dimensional plane (the strip in the middle), jumping a lot is enough to dodge most of the boss's attacks.

Winning is a matter of pushing the boss over to the right and then hitting the switch to drop it into the pit. Crocomire style!

And there's another cube. One dungeon remains...

But wait! The alien spaceship is taking flight... with our hero in it! How will Mike get out of this one?

The eighth and final chapter begins. It's final battle time.

The villain of the game makes his appearance, finally. Zoda doesn't really show his true form in this game, unlike Startropics 2 where he shows up repeatedly throughout. Startropics 2 is mainly remembered for being one of the last NES games.

Mike responds to Zoda's evil remarks by plugging his ears with bananas. Really? ....Really?

The final battle with Zoda begins! ...and for some unexplainable reason, Mike starts at three hearts for this battle despite having full hearts when the chapter began. That makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Luckily, the fight is pretty easy.

Yeah! Die, Zoda! Of course...he has another form after this one, so it isn't over yet. And on that note... it just hit me that Zoda's name might be a continuation of the Cola theme in the game.

Most of the final dungeon plays like a 2-D sidescroller, which is weird.

The midway boss of the level is this computer core. It's one of the easiest fights in the game and nothing worth writing about. Stationary bosses are pretty un-threatening in general.

Our hero wins and we move on quickly. So far, the final dungeon is pretty anti-climactic. Will the final boss pick things up?

And here he is, Zoda's final form. This fight is nasty, considering that bumping into the guy is insta-death.

Also, he's totally a ZETA METROID! MY GOD!

"Bwaaawk!" says the Zeta Metroid when reached for comment.

After a pitched, moderately difficult fight... Zoda falls. You know he's beaten when he violently vomits all over the place. Just like Friday night in the big city!

The Metroid escape theme plays as our hero must flee. ...not quite, but that theme might as well have played. I get the feeling the two games shared some development talent.

Thus, Startropics is beaten. Good game, and worth checking out.

Next thing we know, the alien spaceship starts blowin' up. Welcome to Earth, bitches!

Mike lands smack in the middle of the ocean. Good thing he can swim, unlike me. If he were me, right now he'd be insta-dead.

He washes up on a nearby beach. After everything I went through, I feel like he should be greeted by a tribe of beautiful, half-naked hula girls.

Hawr hawr, Creamed Zoda! You so clever, game!

Our hero drinks up and gets healed. Way to send a message to the kids, Nintendo! A generation of alcoholics is ON YOU!

Dr. J appears again here. He's all like "you're the champion, son!"

Moments after this picture was taken, Taloon began to remove his pants. Animal Control had to be called. I don't want to talk about it.

Meanwhile, a group of very special... and I mean special... children file out of the crashed spacecraft. What?

"Daaah!" says the boy on the right when reached for comment on this startling development.

Have I no shame, you ask? No, I don't.

Well, get to repopulatin'!

We get a bird's eye view of Earth.

And an even more bird's eye view. I guess the Argonians are saved now since Zoda is gone. Or something. It's an NES game, just roll with me here.

Whoa, is that the Milky Way?

Not entirely sure what I just played, but I liked it.

But wait! Now we get some Nikon Coolpix™ of our hero tangling with the game's various challenges. For instance, the giant serpent of doom.

...and cross-dressing! That's hilarious! Now you know how the women feel, ya rat bastard!

I don't know what the deal is here. Master Chief, 8-bit version?

The Zeta Metroid!

And finally... Mike sticking bananas in his ears. Uh...yeah. This guy has "douche" written all over him. Regardless, thanks for joining me in this look at an old NES classic that few people care about... but should. It was fun playing through this.

"IF YA SMELLLLLLLALALALALALA.... what the Wakka... is cookin."


  1. That ending came out of nowhere!

  2. That really made me happy. It was just a good-natured game, and it looks well-designed. The alien group including a girlfriend for banana-ears was pretty great, too...I guess they were stuck in that pod so long they were just happy to get out and had already gotten over everyone else they ever knew being dead. I know there are more well-known titles you could have covered, and I should have read this earlier, but regardless, I enjoyed it.