In the latest episode of Pokemon Emerald...we get the first snow of the season. ...Or is it something more malevolent? Has infamous drug czar El Papi Dios put out the call to rain Bolivian nasal dust onto our streets? THAT'LL TEACH US TO BUILD A WALL! IT'S A MADHOUSE OUT HERE!
Next up, I trundle through a fire cavern. Luckily...there's nothing hot about it. It isn't like the old Final Fantasies and Dragon Quests where you'd take damage from the floor. The boulder on the left can only be moved with the HM Strength, which I haven't found yet.
After crossing that cavern, I end up in a snowy area at the foot of a volcano; the "snow" raining down here is actually volcanic ash.
This is a new and fairly strong Pokemon that I pick up mainly so that I have a minion that can utilize Fly. Turns out it's good in battles too, which is to be expected from a sharp-edged metal death bird. The Devil's hands have been busy.
The next boss is found in Lavaridge City, also at the foot of the volcano. Why would anyone build a town at the foot of a volcano? ARE THEY MAD? YOU LEAD THEM DOWN A PRIMROSE PATH, FLANNERY!
Our hero takes a break from smashing everything with her OP starter to enjoy the scenery.
what the actual f*****
Combusken reaches level 36! We know what that means...
Time for the final evolution! I've been told that this is possibly the best final starter form in the entire series, so expectations are high. He combines Fire-type and Fighting-type to devastating effect.
He immediately learns Blaze Kick, a devastating maneuver. I imagine this to look like a combination of Guile's Flash Kick and that Fire Sword double-tech from Chrono Trigger.
Next up, our hero confronts Team Magma. They stand for traditional American family values, like missionary position and the right to carry machine guns into Denny's.
But wait! Now Team Aqua shows up! They're obsessed with talking about how racist and offensive everything is.
Everybody is gonna have a reason to be mad when they read this post!
They tell me why I shouldn't follow Team Magma. He says Team Magma's leader is a biovating jerk who thinks brown people are Hoenn's biggest problem. I did NOT see that coming!
Meanwhile, the Blue Team is ready to lecture Renee on being more PC! Soon, all of
Hoenn will be a safe space where no one can say anything Team Aqua doesn't
like. Free Speech REQUIRES GUARDRAILS.
lol, "nob"
Here's another karate-master, Cyndy, who is too cool to spell her name with an i.
And here's...
"Spoink."
Next thing we know, some trainer lady invites Renee to stay and recover. Meanwhile, the guy in the middle peers left...peers right...and asks if there's room for him in this "lady sandwich"
I've got the HM of Strength, but I can't use it until I defeat Flannery. The mystery of what's behind that one boulder I can't move will have to wait a while...
A gondola ride follows, as I decide to take a shortcut to the top of the volcano. Lord knows Renee doesn't need the exercise. Look at those firm haunches!
At the top, I find a ridiculous scene. Teams Aqua and Magma are duking it out...with some kind of sick dog-fighting ring. They're all total pussies who are afraid to actually fight each other. This is despicable.
"We want government to stay out of people's lives! Unless they're gay and want to get married, or trans and want to go to the bathroom in South Carolina!"
"Unlike those libtards in Team Aqua! They don't even know what a job is!"
The grunts are THIS CLOSE to holding hands. No! Not outside of marriage! Team Magma would frown sternly!
Maxie here is the top-ranking Team Magma authority that we've met thusfar. "Team Aqua wants us to live under Sharia Law!" he bellows.
After that battle, I return to the nearby hot springs for a naked mud bath.
...wait a minute... PC? My God! Team Aqua has already infiltrated this town! That explains why everyone here is now afraid to joke about anything and the men are all afraid to talk to the women.
...wait a minute... PC? My God! Team Aqua has already infiltrated this town! That explains why everyone here is now afraid to joke about anything and the men are all afraid to talk to the women.
The birthrates are gonna be doing great in ten years, guys!
I can finally do the next gym. Everyone in this place is obsessed with fire.
Question is... is Flannery a dude or a chick? With a name like that, it could go either way. Suffice to say, Flannery is 100% succulent woman.
And my passion for Flannery...well, I hope that's what that burning sensation is
Oh hell yes.
::Lita's theme plays::
This is the toughest fight yet, and my B-Team (which is everyone besides Blaziken) get wiped out quickly. Blaziken, on the other hand, is able to weather the enemy fire attacks due to his fire element, while also striking back with Fighting type moves. It's the best of all worlds. Soon, Kadabra will move up to A status...in a few more levels.
Flannery's lineup isn't much to write home about. It consists of the very few Fire-types in Hoenn so far.
Much like trying to fit into one of those rigid political Teams earlier, it isn't good to be someone you're not just to fit in...but we all do it.
After acquiring her badge, I can now utilize Strength to finally get past that one rock in that one place. What lies beyond?
Either way, our next goal is clear: Norman, AKA Renee's Dad.
Or as his Jewish mother used to call him... "That Noiman, he's such a noice boi."
Whoa, good Skarmony find.
ReplyDeleteBlaziken rulx
If you battle like Norman does, then you better watch out for his one starter that's WAY STRONGER than the rest of the team!