Sunday, May 11, 2014

Kirby Super Star Finale - The Great Cave... That Some May Find Offensive

 Just how offensive are we talking?

Kirby: "Today we're takin' a look at tha most venamas spidah in tha world, tha deadly trapdaww spidah!"

Kirby: "Aw shucks! Well folks, it seems ah fell in!"  

Kirby lands in the underworld, and the first thing he sees... is a gnome. A filthy little gnome!

The objective in this game is to find various treasures that are spread throughout this huge "dungeon".

 It's sorta like Wario Land. Some would say that this is the best of the games in Kirby Super Star. I'd say that's probably a fair statement to make.

It has save points! Yep, this one isn't the quick and easy mission that the others are.

Some of the treasures are ridiculously valuable...

 ...while some go in the other direction. This is all that's left of Locke, who was viciously eaten by the gnomes.

 A shark dolphin with a pipe accosts our hero at this point.

That's one dastardly whale! Get outta the way, Kirby!

 Kirby helmets up to ride the mine cart.

Well, this'll come in handy if I get sick from riding mine carts.

Yoyo Kirby sports a backwards cap. Look at him acting all "street".

The main thing this meta-game is known for? It has a couple of RPG battles. It's pretty awesome, actually. Those are some Windows 95 style windows there.

 Victory nets you not EXP, but Happy Smile points. Alllrighty then. The real question is, why didn't we ever get a real Kirby RPG? It could have been as good as Mario RPG. Perhaps. You've got Kirby as the averaged-out main dude, Rick/Kine/Coo as supporting characters (tank, healer, and DPS respectively), Dedede as the Bowser-like powerhouse... Meta-Knight could be a foe and then join late in the game, ala Magus. All of the characters could have rainbow weapons as their ultimates, with difficult quests to get them. The possibilities are endless.

Moments later, Kirby gets into a vicious umbrella-fight with a goon.

Holy crap, an Earthbound reference? That's awesome, and unexpected.

The environments just keep getting weirder and weirder. Not even sure what's going on anymore in this LSD trip of an area.

Ultimately, you do battle with a giant face. Win and all of your treasures get added up. Not sure if Kirby buys a castle or not.

 At this point, I believe we've entered Milky Way Wishes, the final game.

At the bottom of the ocean, our hero finds a milkshake. It brings all the boys to the yard.

 Miniboss fight in front of stainglass windows. This is sweet.

Kirby battles this sly whale again!

 "HEE HEE" he says while rotating.

 Milky Way Wishes seems to be an odd assortment of bosses and concepts from the other games.

 That is, until you get to the shooter stage. That's right, there's a shooter stage.

The bastardly MARX is our latest villain. He shows up and takes control of a space station or something. It really isn't important, let's get to the SHOOTIN'.

 Turns out that MARX is basically a complete lunatic.

The shooter stage has Kirby flying around, firing stars rapidly to the right as things auto-scroll. This totally makes up for the lack of Kaboola in this game, since it's essentially the same mechanic.

The Skynet Core is the boss here, and you get to pummel it with stars. Gradius, this isn't, but it's a fun change of pace.

 Unfortunately, things go back to Regular Mode for the actual battle with MARX. Kirby KO's him via RD 1 sword, and that's all she wrote.

The ship explodes to pieces. Ya know, for a guy hellbent on bringing joy and happiness to people, Kirby sure does wreck a lot of spaceships.

Credits roll. Most of these meta-games have their own credits, interestingly enough.

 Kirby now takes a well-deserved nap.

 Oh, but it ISN'T the end. There's still one more thing to do. Milky Way Wishes was effectively the last game, but in order to truly finish this you need to unlock and slay the Arena.

The game-select screen is now COMPLETE. The Arena is the last thing to unlock. Too bad there isn't any real way to tell which ones you've finished, aside from keeping mental track of it. Still can't express enough how cool this game is, and it's a shame that it has to end.

The Pink Wonder? What does the clitoris have to do with any... oh.

The Arena gets its own title screen! This looks like serious business.

 Before the ultra-violence begins, Kirby can arm himself with any weapon/power. I go with sword, and summon Triple H as backup. Let's do this.

 BEHOLD! Heavy Lobster returns. This time around I can take him on. Or better yet, stand back while Triple H decimates him with the mighty sledgehammer. It's cheap, yet effective.

 Between fights you go to this room with five full-heals hanging from The Tree of Might. Better conserve them as much as possible, because there are 18 more boss fights to go. Yikes.

 After defeating the face from Great Cave Offensive (which might be the toughest boss in the game), I go right to a battle with Meta-Knight. I ignore the sword and blast him with the fire power.

 Lololo and Lalala, a tandem once again. I had a lot of trouble beating these guys in 1993. Not so much in this game when I can fireball right through them.

 Midway through the boss rush, we get a freebie in Whispy Woods Fight #922.

 Even the shooter stage boss is here. It's quite comprehensive.

 Dynablade? My God, she has turned heel again! I think she went from face to heel ten times while just flying onto the screen.

 Sweet colloseum visuals here. Too bad all the boss fights don't take place in this room.

Then again, for Dedede we get a rad wrestling ring as KIRBY TAKES ON THE WORLD CHAMPION AT WWE SUUUUUPERSLAMMMMM!

This was the easiest Dedede fight ever because the Fire power completely stuns him until he falls.

A Magician Draws Near. Command?

Ents! The Ents are attacking Isengard!

At the end, we get MARX again. Is this guy supposed to be the Dark Matter of the game?

....and I lose the final battle. An exhausted Kirby keels over.

That is, until a surprise appearance by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, The Drill Sergeant From Full Metal Jacket!


I reload and try again, and this time I easily conquer MARX. And it's all thanks to an inspirational pep talk from Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, The Drill Sergeant From Full Metal Jacket.


The winner, and NEW Undisputed Champion... Kirby. Unfortunately the audience won't stop chanting for Triple H.

 Somehow, I only have 87% rather than 100%. Wonder what the deal is there. Either way, I feel pretty confident in saying that Dark Matter won't show up in this game. MARX was it. A bit of an anticlimactic villain, but hey.

This is THE BEST Kirby game of all time. Do yourself a favor and give it a whirl.

Read other Kirby-related posts!


  1. Most of your missing percentage is probably treasures you missed in Great Cave Offensive, it's pretty tough and a little time consuming to get them all. Some might also be from the powers you collect in Milky Way Wishes if you didn't get them all.

    God bless the ring? God bless this game.

  2. A whale with a PIPE LOL I need to start appreciating these boss and enemy designs more.
    MR. SATURN! Right after a hypothetical Kirby RPG! I'm loving it!
    That face boss is something all right. Seems to have come from another era.
    A fight in a church?
    The enemy is Marx? Marx is a lunatic? SUCH A PATRIOTIC GAME!
    I love, love how Meta-Knight is facing away from the camera and wearing a cape when he gets introduced.
    Whoa, Lololo and Lalala really are characters from old NES games, revived for a new generation.
    The Arena is a brilliant conclusion, especially with the genre-bending inside the same run of bosses!
    Cheers on playing this for us and giving it the three-post treatment it deserves!

  3. As a kid completing 100 % the great treasure quest is almost impossible but as an adult it's a blast, finally conquering something that you could not as a kid.