Thursday, January 30, 2014

Highlander: The Series 1x19 - Eye of the Beholder

 Today on Highlander: BIG HOUSE RICHIE. "Here in the slammer, if you wanna last, you gotta take out the biggest dog in the yard."

Dude, it's the town jail, and you've been in there for like five minutes. 

This episode is, for some reason, very forgettable for me. As in, I remember nothing about it except when I'm watching it.

The episode begins with Gabriel, the villain of the episode, enjoying some post-sex brooding with a model.

She is fetching in the long shirt garb.

While walking around Gabriel's swank bachelor pad, she finds this wind-up doll that emits music straight out of Chrono Trigger.

It opens his secret treasure vault, and now that she knows about it, he has to kill her. Le sigh.

Oh yeah, and he's an immortal. So... Duncan will have to bring him to justice by the end of this episode. He's like the cop of immortals.

Meanwhile, stuff happens with Richie trying to order in a French restaurant, upon which he meets some model. Yep, this season Richie is rolling in des filles.

Next scene, Richie's model friend is strutting down the runway to "She Drives Me Crazy". WTF!

"She drives me crazy!"

 Boco: "Cooo cooooo!"

"Like no one else!"

Ramirez: "Coooo cooooooo!"

"She drives me crazy! I can't hellllp myself!"

Duncan: "She also drives ME crazy."

Tessa: "Cooo cooo?"

Next thing we know, there's a flashback to Duncan having some sort of drunken orgy with bellydancers or something.

Gabriel is here too. Of course, they know each other. Gabriel is a legendary fashionista, who apparently holds drunken orgies in his home.

This whole thing is a bit...unseemly.

Drunkan brawls with troops in the street. Can't he take anything seriously?

The horde of women arrives at the scene. ...with a midget? Is that the future Tyrion Lannister?

Back in the present.

Gabriel: "You're looking fit. Not as much as me, but good enough."

For being trapped in Old Guy Body all this time, Gabriel does well for himself on the womanizing front. So what we have here is a Duncan's Old Friend Returns And Is Now Bad episode. I've said it before, but nearly every episode of this show falls into one of three or four templates.

Richie has a drink with the mysterious model.

We get a SWEET TRAINING MONTAGE~! as Duncan trains with a staff.

Richie, dressed as Satan, poses an eternal question to Duncan: "Why do women always go for guys who are jerks?"

Richie just doesn't know how to make women love him as much as he loves them. First of all he's gotta stop caring so much. Unfortunately, Duncan is no help.

"I feel bad for you" says Duncan, then goes off to have sex.

Later, Richie sneaks into Gabriel's house. You see, the model he likes is under the employ of Gabriel, and Richie is jealous.

Through a bizarre chain of events, Richie ends up SETTING GABRIEL ON FIRE.

Richie tells Duncan about his misadventures and Duncan is, once again, pissed.

Duncan goes to smooth things over with Gabriel and keep Richie from getting decapitated shot or something. Because a mere bullet would do young Richie in. For good.

A flashback shows Duncan boning The Duchess. Much like the last woman he was on top of in a flashback, she's scrumptious. Unfortunately, he senses another immortal nearby. "I have to go" he whines.

She's got a great mane going on there.

Gabriel is here. Duncan is all "The Duchess is a special friend of mine!"

Really? Macleod beds all of his female friends so it's hard to tell which ones qualify as "special".

Now we get a great little scene. Steel your loins for this one.

Richie, in a deep voice: "I am Duncan Macleod of the Clan Macleod."

Richie, in a raspy voice: "And I am Connor Macleod. Same clan, different vintage."

He nailed both of the poses, too. Awesome.

It just occurred to me that if this were a modern show, Richie would be the main character and Duncan would be some old guy in the background while Richie battles teenagers episode in and episode out.

Duncan is kinda mean to Richie in this episode. "No one's ever accidentally beheaded themselves before, but you might make history."

Stuff happens with Gabriel and Richie continuing to harass each other, landing Richie in jail.

Tessa interrupts Duncan's kung-fu with some sobering news.

"Richie's in jail!"

BIG HOUSE RICHIE is living large in the... big house. This reminds me of my time in D-Block, where I had to lovingly cup Julio's balls to make it through the day intact.

Meanwhile, Gabriel is going to kill Richie's model friend because... uh... I'm not sure. She likes Richie? I apologize for the weakness of this recap, but this episode really is super-forgettable.

Duncan is finally wise to Gabriel's model-killing ways, and it's time to put an end to it.

Duncan doesn't want to fight him, because he sees a lot of wasted talent in the guy. And in the immortal words of Sonny from A Bronx Tale, there's nothing sadder in life than wasted talent.

The fight ends very quickly and abruptly as Duncan overpowers him and takes off his head in one smooth motion. That had to be the shortest fight in the show so far, ended right when it seemed like it was getting started.

THIS! IS! THE QUIC... wow, nice statue.

After the quickening, Duncan breaks down and seems to cry a little bit. Also, the statue got destroyed. Seems like wasted talent is the theme here on all levels.

The episode ends with Duncan and a presumably-acquitted-for-breaking-and-entering Richie patching things up. Looks like Richie somehow survived the bubbas of D-Block in one piece.

This guy was fairly interesting. And like most of the villains in this show, criminally underused.

And now for something completely different.


 "She drives me crazy!"

Xenomorph: "Coooo coooooo!"

"She drives meee crazyyyyy oooh yeahhhh DIG IT. The Madness is takin' takin' OVERR. Like no one else yeahhhh."

1 comment:

  1. The singalong in this post is nearly as great as the Muppet version.