Friday, January 24, 2014

Highlander: The Series 1x18 - The Lady and the Tiger

Today on Highlander: BOOBS.



We begin with a guy in a straitjacket being transported. And he DOES NOT ESCAPE. Nope. Not at all.

Moments later, he escapes. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.

He's Zachary Blaine, an immortal escape artist. He leaps onto a moving truck that's carrying cars, climbs into one, and hotwires it. That was all a bit impressive, actually.

Duncan and Tess are on their way to the circus. What are the odds they'll run into an immortal from Duncan's past who happened to murder someone?

...high, but that doesn't happen in this episode.

Here's the debut of Amanda, seen here doing Circus Things. She's an immortal from Duncan's past. And by that I mean, like, ALL of his past. Apparently they hang out and have sex all the time whenever they're both in the same town. Well, that works.

Duncan is all "helloooo"

Tess has no idea what's going on. If she watched this show, she'd be pissed.

We get a flashback to olden times, when the men-folk were hardy and the women-folk were all busty milk-wenches. Here we see a smithy banging his anvil, much like we're probably about to see Duncan banging Amanda.

Because, you know, it's Season One and the only time Duncan can have sex with non-Tessa women is in flashback.

There's Amanda. She's a little bit insufferable in a lot of these episodes (though I do like her in Season 3 when she mellows out a bit and has long hair). That said... she's wearing a corset. A+.

"I hear a lovely lady is in need of Hot Dickings" says our hero.

Wall Street took a nosedive today, and this Highlander post is just what the beleaguered American people need as a pick-me-up.

So, yeah, these two get it on. And judging from their insane chemistry, I'm pretty sure they got it on in real life too.

This scene is hotter than any of his scenes with Tessa. Seriously. The chemistry is off the charts. This is the kind of thing you can't force, no matter how much you want to. Either you've got it with someone, or you don't.

Not sure if this is a statement on Duncan the character or Adrian Paul the actor.

BOOBS. Exquisite BOOBS.

Duncan is all "MY PRECIOUS"

Let's just move on.

Amanda proceeds to take all of Duncan's stuff while he's passed out from having the hottest sex that meteorologists recorded that calendar year. This is one of the reasons why she's a bit insufferable: She's a thief, you see, and she's fairly unscrupulous.

Back in the present, Duncan's modern family meets Amanda. Almost immediately, Tess doesn't like her.

Richie "Have Penis, Will Travel" Ryan does, though. He's all "Since Duncan is taken, I'm the one who gets the women in this season. Here's my card."

Tessa is all "whatever" at Duncan's sly friend from the past.

The main story of this episode is thus: Zachary Blaine (that guy from the beginning) has Amanda cornered and wants to behead her. They used to be lovers, but now he hates her. There's only one way out for her, and that's if she gets him Duncan Macleod. Because the only person Blaine hates more than Amanda... is Duncan. Or something. Jesus, did Duncan sleep with his woman or some...

...ohh.

Amanda goes to the barge and talks to Young Richie.

Amanda: "So... your name is Richard? Reminds me of Richard the Lionheart. I knew him. His heart wasn't his only attribute. He had... the stamina of a bull."

Richie just became an extra in the video for Lonely Island's "Jizz In My Pants".

Meanwhile, inside, Amanda discovers that her wily charms don't work on Tessa. She doesn't swing that way! Except that one time in prison.

...alright, prison jokes really don't work with Tessa. Her going to any kind of jail is about as believable as George W. Bush never doing cocaine.

Duncan gets back, Amanda tells him about Blaine... but she leaves out that she sorta sold him out. She correctly expects that Duncan will rush to her defense just knowing Blaine threatened her, and she's hoping Duncan wins the fight. So she's giving Blaine what he wants, in a roundabout way.

Blaine finds his old sword in the weapon collection of some dude. He gets his sword back, because fighting Duncan is an occasion that warrants only the BEST sword.

He then kills the guy with it! YOU RAT BASTARD! THE MAN HAD A FAMILY!

Duncan and Blaine have a duel, but this is one of those quick mid-episode duels that gets interrupted rather than the climactic end-of-episode battle.

Macleod gets on the internet to look things up. Since this is 1993, I assume he's on AOL. After eight solid minutes of modem screeching, he is able to check his email. Now Darius won't need to mail him runes any more!

Meanwhile, Blaine is sassing Amanda. This might be a good time to mention that Bill Clinton had an affair with this actress (no joke) while Highlander was on the air. He probably watched this episode and was equally impressed with her corseted boobs.

She finally tells Duncan the whole crooked plan. He instantly forgives her and says it can be fixed. See? Honesty really does make everything easier.

Stuff happens, and Duncan ends up having to fight a bunch of circus performers. Carnie folk. Small hands.

He then gets trapped in a big net! HE'S BEEN CAPTURED LIKE A MERE FISH!

He escapes by convincing them to let him ride a horse standing up so he can throw daggers at targets, because he's a crack shot. And can ride a horse standing up.

::checks notes:: Seriously? Wow, this episode got weird fast.

Meanwhile, Amanda is back with Blaine and they're robbing a museum. I know I'm summing up a lot here, but these episodes don't really have the deepest plots. They also tend to go around in circles a bit to kill time before the climactic final battle.

Duncan shows up and "accidentally" drops a coin, causing the museum alarms to go off. Was that really necessary? Now we're probably going to have to deal with cops. Actually, the show has been oddly cop-less for a couple episodes now. A NEW ERA HAS BEGUN!

Amanda wants to fight Blaine at this point because she's tired of his bullying. He pulls a gun, which last I checked is against the rules. ...isn't it? If not, you'd think bad immortals would just shoot their opponents all the time.

Duncan shows up to fight him instead, and the battle is on!

This fight has the rare sword-sparks. Awesome. I wish they saved those for particularly big fights (your Graysons, Kalases, Kronoses, or even Xaviers) because the way they show up at seemingly random times (often during fights with immortals that are nowhere near a challenge for Duncan) is odd.

Blaine uses a trash can lid as a shield. That's pretty unique, but it's hard to believe the katana doesn't shear it in half.

Amanda looks on, wet with perspiration. She's playing both sides here, nodding at both of them.

She then steps in and slices off Blaine's head. That HAD to be a flagrant violation of the immortal rules. You can't just jump into a fight and cut off someone's head! Even the Four Horsemen didn't do that! They'd wait for a winner, then step in and kill the victor while he was down from the quickening, but THAT isn't as bad as what we see here.

Yes, I'm saying Amanda has even less morals than the Four Horsemen.

Duncan is all "the fuck, woman?"

Exploding phone booths! THIS IS THE QUICKENING!

Amanda tries to convince Duncan to run off with her, but he's all "no thanks, I'm staying with Tessa".

Yeah, I wouldn't run off with Amanda either, especially after that display. Well, she'll be back.

A slightly-skewed code of ethics, indeed.

And here's the villain of the week. Yep.

Is anyone actually reading these Highlander episode posts? Leave a comment below.



4 comments:

  1. Came for the boobs, stayed for the witty sarcasm. Also, I agree wholeheartedly with your comment about the sword-sparks being misused.

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  2. Empire / Regency era + corset / stays = boobs. Easy calculation.

    I guess when it comes to guns, there are rules, there are some bad Immortals, and then there is Methos. Good point about Amanda's morals, too...

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  3. Corona Jumper is my anti-drug.

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  4. I don't see how guns could actually be against the rules since they didn't exist when all of this stuff started. Amanda REALLY shouldn't have been able to interject though.

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