Saturday, December 7, 2013

Alien 3 (Super NES, 1993)

 I was going to do a full post on this game next, but the game suuuuuuucks. I didn't get very far. I did take some shots, so I'm going to take a moment to talk about it. This game has always been intriguing to me, but now I'm glad I didn't bother with it.

I always expect Kintaro and Shao Khan to walk in and smash this logo up.

 The game recaps the movie Alien 3's intro. Course, that movie has the lamest intro of all time, as Newt and Hicks die in the first five seconds off-camera.

"We're dead! OK? Can we GO NOW?"

Ripley proceeds to crash-land on a nearby prison colony filled with bald guys, and that's the last time this game will have any similarity with the movie.

...aside from Ripley being bald.  You start with a flame thrower, pulse rifle, and grenade launcher. You're up against a horde of Xenos.

Which is funny, because in Alien 3:

A) There's just one Xeno in the movie

B) No one has any guns to fight it with

So... is this game based on Aliens, just set in Alien 3's penal colony for corporate movie synergy no explicable reason?

This game takes place in six stages, and each stage has a mission set. Here's stage one's mission set. You choose one, it gives you an objective, and off you go.

 Well, I make it sound simple, but it really isn't. This is CONFUSING. The objectives are poorly marked, and this isn't like a traditional stage select. You need to stumble around blindly and find your way to wherever you're supposed to be.

 Oh, and no matter what, you're going to get lost in hallway after hallway that look the same as you fight off facehuggers. Weird thing is that you can't duck while firing; you have to duck, THEN fire. Pressing down while firing will just cause Ripley to shoot at the floor, which is bizarre and useless. Caused me to take a few hits at the beginning before I got adjusted.

 At least the game over screen looks awesome.

 Early on, there's a section where you have to monkey-bar across a pit and drop onto a moving platform. Your timing has to be perfect on the drop, because you can't control your trajectory AT ALL while falling. Ripley just drops straight down like a stone. Yikes.

Took me an age to get to the goal in this first area. There's a hidden pit behind the vertical girder, and there's a facehugger on the other side to knock me into it if I leap across (with the god-awful jump controls... that give you no control at all). Hard to shoot it, because the screen won't scroll over enough.

About to die, but I finally made it across. ...only to find that the computer doesn't do anything. I guess this is for another mission. I have no idea what to do, and the controls are so bad that I'm getting my ass kicked by all of these instantly-respawning enemies. Well, that does it for me. Let's take a look at the box art, which is the coolest thing about this game.

 I always wondered what the deal was with this image. Where are its legs? I suspect this is a chestburster hanging out in someone's stomach. Judging from the head, it's a baby queen Xeno. Must be the one that Ripley was "pregnant" with in the movie. Said movie isn't bad (even if it can't hold a candle to the first two), but this game is just weird. It's like the developers wanted to make a game based on Aliens, but had to do something more "current" instead.
All of that said, the box art for the Super Famicom version is AWESOME. Holy shit! I can't possibly top this with any further images.


  1. Ugh, licensed garbage. At least we have Contra games.

  2. Hope the creator of that Super Famicom cover never had to worry about getting work again.