Game Review: The Mega Man X Series, Part I

The Mega Man X series includes some of my favorite action games of all time. I enjoy the original, non-X Mega Man series as well in its various incarnations, but for me, the X series at its best (well, the first two) can be even more fun. It's Mega Man on speed, with a faster pace, more abilities, and a badass edge to it. Over the holidays I'll be replaying these games for the first time in years, and as I play them I'm going to do some mini-reviews of each one. I'm certainly looking forward to replaying these games...well, some of them. Some not so much. It's a hit-or-miss series, and the reviews will reflect that.

With the mild amount of resurgent interest in the series, possibly due to Gamestop's re-issuing of the game, it seemed like a good time to do this. I'm starting with mini-reviews of Mega Man X1, X2, and X3...in later installments I'll cover the rest of the X series up to X8 and Command Mission. Since CM is a big - and more modern - game, expect it to get more of a full-sized review than the mini-reviews the rest are getting.

For the record, I'm playing these (well, the first six) on the Mega Man X Collection. That is, the Playstation 2 version...do not, I repeat DO NOT get the Gamecube version unless you want a vastly inferior control scheme and a severely bent penis.

And to the women out there, don't think you can get away with playing that version just because you don't have a penis. Matter of fact, without penis assistance, I wouldn't even attempt to play Mega Man X with an unwieldy Gamecube controller in the first place.

Game Review: Bioshock

Bioshock

"Fallen, fallen is Babylon"


Playstation 3 / XBox 360 / Pretty Much Every Computer Format, 2007

Publisher: 2K Games

Developer: Irrational Games

Time to Complete: 15-20 Hours

Some time soon, I'm going to get around to playing and reviewing Bioshock 2. Because of this, I thought it was a good time to review the first game, which I played not once, but twice over the past two years. I'm going to go right ahead and say it: Bioshock might be the best game of the past decade. Maybe. It's definitely on the shortlist, and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would give it that distinction. I'd give it Top 5 status for sure. It's so good that it's available on every major HD gaming platform possible, including the PS3, XBox 360, and -  as dweebs, geeks, nerds, and dorks of all stripes already know - computers.

What is Bioshock? A great first person shooter. Then again, calling it that is like calling Lebron James a "good basketball player". It goes way beyond the expected level of quality. Also, it's so much more than just an FPS. It's one part Resident Evil 4, one part Metroid Prime, one part Blade Runner. Add HD graphics, a heaping plate of modern political philosophy, and an incredibly unique setting, and you get Bioshock. Speaking of unique, somehow this game manages to be both futuristic AND retro with the location and storytelling. It flat-out makes me proud of the people who made it. The only way Bioshock could be better is if the whole game were Tina Fey wearing a burlesque outfit and playing an accordion while sitting atop the luckiest piano ever.

What the Thunder Said

This is a story that I wrote for one of my classes. It was the only opportunity I had all semester to do creative writing in school, so I pounced. An encounter between Shakespeare and Milton in a modern mental institution. Once I came up with this, I ran with it and didn't look back.

A little Silence of the Lambs, a little Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a little of Nolan's Joker, and more than a sprinkling of what I actually think.

Radical Dreamers (Super Famicom) - Pt 2

Get ready for the climactic PART 2 of the Radical Dreamers fun-fest. Our last episode culminated with Serge and company defeating the Mystical Gobbler Team, the Ginyu Force of Radical Dreamers. Now, they look for the Frozen Flame and finally meet the dastardly Lynx.

Here, I'll look at the remaining 33 and a third of the game.

See what I did just now?

Radical Dreamers (Super Famicom) - Pt 1

Time to take a look at a game that never got released outside of Japan. This game was released in 1996, and was, sort of, the sequel to Chrono Trigger. It is most certainly the predecessor to Chrono Cross... actually, it's far more of a predecessor to Chrono Cross than Chrono Trigger is. I don't know what's more wrong: that, or the fact that CT got this as a sequel.

That said...it isn't bad on its own.

Here it is. There are lots of people who insist that this game is neither a CT sequel nor a CC prequel, taking place in a separate but similar world. Really, who knows? Square didn't exactly take good care of the Chrono-verse after Trigger.

Game Review: FFIV - The After Years

Final Fantasy IV - The After Years

Shoot for the Moon


Wii (Download Only), 2009

Publisher: Square Enix

Developer: Matrix Software

Time to Complete: Anywhere from A While to A Very Long While

This noble endeavor is the 2009 sequel to the 1991 Super NES semi-hit, Final Fantasy IV (Which was at the time renamed Final Fantasy II in the U.S.... I think everyone understands the whole wack FF numerology thing by now). For anyone who knows about FF, the phrase "sequel to an FF" is a tricky one. Final Fantasy games simply don't flow into each other within the main series, much like how the planets of our solar system don't orbit each other. FFV wasn't a follow-up to FFIV... FFVIII wasn't a follow-up to FFVII... FFXI wasn't a follow-up to Mog House. The only true sequels in the FF-verse come from outside the main series, much like a moon would orbit a planet. Final Fantasy X-2 continues X's story. After Years continues FFIV's story. Revenant Wings continues FFXII's story.

Lots of things continue FFVII's story, including but not limited to: Dirge of Cerberus, Crisis Core, Advent Children, and lots of really screwed up fanfiction.

Game Review: Odin Sphere

Odin Sphere

Because Odin's Ball just wouldn't sound right


Playstation 2, 2007

Publisher: Atlus

Developer: Vanillaware

Time to Complete: 40-50 hours

Odin Sphere is a cult favorite from the latter days of the Playstation 2's lifespan. 2007 was actually a pretty good year for the PS2, even though the next-gen systems were taking over by then. Why am I reviewing a game that is several years old? Because for some ungodly reason I played it earlier this year, and I need something to show for those efforts besides a debilitating spleen injury.

The Goodness of Game Music

A friend of mine did this write-up. It turns a lot of my own thoughts into eloquent words.

http://jsmyth.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/how-video-games-pass-on-traditional-culture/

I also feel like game music in general can be highly underrated by the non-gaming populace. There are definitely games out there that have brilliant soundtracks. On the other hand, some other news that came in over the past couple of days indicates that perhaps game music is starting to gain more recognition:

http://www.joystiq.com/2010/12/03/civ-iv-theme-nominated-for-grammy-first-game-music-ever-nominat/

My viewpoint is that in their own way, some of the best game music composers can touch us with their music as much as any mainstream musicians can.

Lune

50th Post Spectacular, Continued

This time, focusing on night or twilight shots...mostly. Also, the JFK Library.

Soleil

50TH POST.

Time to take a look at the city I reside in. I took all of these pictures myself on my travels, in an effort to convey the city's cosmopolitan suavé.

If I can convey the magic and power of the place, then mission accomplished. It's a historical and majestic locale.

Hell, it's where one can find the nation's first subway AND the nation's first college.

One of the most interesting things about this city is that most of it sits atop a man-made island. Indeed, the original area of the city was much smaller, until the diligent people who lived here expanded it over the water.

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (2010)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Spoiler Alert: Butter Beer is People

Directed by David Yates

Written by J.K Rowling

Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert "The Fuck" Grint

Rated PG-13

The seventh and penultimate installment of the storied Harry Potter movie series is upon us. The decision was made to break the final book up into two different movies, a part one and part two, in an effort to flesh out the series finale as much as possible. Thus, the movie series will get an eighth installment, covering the rest of Deathly Hallows. This was apparently lost on a percentage of the people in the IMAX theater I watched this movie in, given how the end was greeted with a chorus of "wha? huh? where's the rest?" from a decent number of the fans in attendance. Most of these people likely then went back to watching Glenn Beck reruns and wondering if OJ ever found the real killers.

Highlander: The Source (2007)

Starring Rob Schneider.

Welp... Highlander is one of the cooler franchises of the past 25 years. We've got the iconic original movie. We've got the six-season Highlander: The Series which ended up being one of the cooler TV shows of the 90's... for a long time, it was my favorite show.

Aside from that...there were a bunch more Highlander movies. They run from decent to extremely, extremely awful. It's almost like entirely different people were behind each installment. The movies have little correlation and largely ignore each other. Considering the greatness of the original movie and the series, it makes little sense.

The fifth and final movie, The Source, was the worst, and that's what I'll be looking at today. Why would I write about something that totally put a franchise that I love into the grave? Because I have an idea. I WANTED to like this movie. Really, I wanted to give it a shot. And at first, the movie is pretty cool. So what I'm going to do here is look at the movie right up until it starts to suck. This should be good comic relief, and I need to lighten things up around here after all the serious postings lately.

The moment the movie completely stops being good...this post will self-destruct. Like a light going out. Because that's when this once-great franchise dies.

Let's go.

The Richest Man in Babylon

Things I Will Teach My Kids

I Am A Semi Transparent Eye

November seems to be Serious Month here, much like October was Halloween Month. Things will be getting less serious again in the near future, but lately I haven't been in the mood for putting out the usual Comedy Gold. I've been doing a lot of thinking over here, and life has been more stressful than usual. It happens. Time for a deep thought here.

Chosen (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Retrospective)

Some thoughts on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, mostly written upon finishing the last season:


Caution: Spoiler-riffic

Well, wow. What to say here. The seventh and final season was a step down from the previous seasons (namely, five and six). It wasn't bad or anything, but there were a lot of story elements I could have done without. There was also a lot of rushing, as if they had to get as much done as possible before the buzzer. Seemed like the characterization suffered from this throughout. Kind of the same issues I had with Serenity, actually. Also like Serenity, it's tough to see characters you care about die in the final battle.

I may have had some issues with the final season, but it picked up hugely in the last seven episodes. The last episode, "Chosen", was pretty amazing.

I'll get it out of the way right now... this may well be the best TV show I've ever watched. What starts out as a campy "highschoolers-fighting-demons" show quickly evolves into something incredibly thoughtful, insightful, and self-aware.

Originally the series was seven years long, but for me it took a lot less time to traverse. Join me for this trip down memory lane.

Demon's Crest (SNES)

Today I'm going to be looking at an old SNES game, Demon's Crest. It's actually the third game in the Gargoyle series, a forgotten little group of games by Capcom. I've never played the first two, but Demon's Crest is decent. This should be a fun little jaunt.

Demon's Crest. It sold about 1000 copies, so no one knew it existed.


UNTIL NOW.

Movie Review: Buried (2010)

Buried

Starring Ryan Reynolds

Directed by Rodrigo Cortes

Let's get this out of the way first - Buried is a disturbing, deeply uncomfortable film, and claustrophobic moviegoers in particular would do well to avoid it. The film stars Ryan Reynolds as Paul Conroy, an American truck-driver working for a company in Iraq. After an attack on his unarmed convoy by insurgents, he awakens to find himself trapped in a coffin; armed with a phone, a zippo lighter, and a knife, he frantically searches for a way to escape before it becomes his tomb.

Dark Autumn

It was a lean September here at the Corona Jumper, but things are about to change.

My favorite month of the year, October, is upon us. Here in the northeastern U.S., it's a month full of magic, wonder, and nostalgia... and the dread of winter being on its way, rushing in to turn the landscape into a frigid wasteland not unlike the nether-regions of Ann Coulter.

In order to celebrate October and its tradition of darkness, over the course of the month I'm going to undertake in a number of posts pertaining to dark things.

-A review of the upcoming movie "Buried"

-Image-blogs related to the Castlevania series

-A special, not-so-in-depth-yet-still-mildly-deep look at Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the groundbreaking Joss Whedon show - not the awful 90's movie or the upcoming awful movie brought to you by those strapping Kuzuis)

And possibly more. Stay tuned.

Redefinition

Here are new variations of my Scott Pilgrim and Expendables reviews, edited and elaborated on. These are the versions that I published in the newspaper. They're a bit different from the original versions that I posted, crisper and more well-written but lacking in some of the humor. I humbly request that, if you're reading this, let me know which versions of the articles you like more in the comments section of this post... this will help me in the future.

Game Review: Mega Man ZX Advent

Mega Man ZX Advent

There Is No Dana, Only Zuul


Nintendo DS, 2007

Publisher: Capcom

Developer: Inti Creates

Time to Complete: 3-8 hours

Mega Man ZX Advent is the hottest, sexiest game I've ever played. If this game were any sexier, it would consist entirely of me having a three-way with You and Your Clone. Who? You know who you are. This game is just that sexy. If this game had a human form, I would make love to it, and it would wake up the roommates, the neighbors, and the dead from the nearby Indian Burial Ground with the sheer noisiness. This game knows it, as the Mega Man series continues its dominance of the DS with this sexy-ass game. I legitimately want to spank Mega Man ZX Advent, and spank it good.