Super Mario 64 - Act III

 

Today, I finish off this solid-gold game that damn near defined a console era. September 29th 1996 is a day that lives on fondly in the hearts of many, many, many kids who grew up in that era. The NWO had just dawned as the hot thing in wrestling, the 3D era had begin in gaming, and so much was fresh and new. People's brains were still producing dopamine, doomscrolling didn't exist, and we were playing the original versions of all those games that game companies are now selling to you even though you already have them.

It's been no secret that I'm not a fan of the third act of this game, or the levels therein. They're still good, because even when this game isn't great, it's not far off. The issue is that compared to the earlier levels, by and large, they're not as fun.

In any case, we've got a lot of fake paintings in this part of the game that don't actually do anything, like the bomb painting seen here. So you have to feel around a lot to find the paintings that actually go somewhere. Just don't "feel around" too much. The castle will sue!

Tiny-Huge Island is an interesting level because it has multiple entrances that determine the scope of the level. Leaping into the large painting results in the level being huge, while leaping into the small painting results in Mario being huge and the level being small.

As a big fan of World 4 in Super Mario Bros 3, I love the idea of giant versions of things like goombas and koopas.

That said, this is one of my least-liked levels. At least it has a shell to surf around on.

What's my beef with this level, you ask? Tiny walkways, an irritating climb around the level, and a large pit all around it that's easy to fall into. The small version of the level is particularly obnoxious, as giant Mario can easily fall right off of the level.

Get to the top of the mountain in large form, stomp on it, and then return in small form to find an entrance leading to a boss fight that's VERY easy to miss. Wiggler here is one of my favorite foes from Super Mario World, and functions similarly here. Jump off his head and he'll turn red to zip all over the place for a few seconds. Repeat 3 times and win. It's always 3 times.

One of only two paintings on the main floor that actually go anywhere is this nondescript image. This is Tall Tall Mountain, basically a much tougher version of Bob-Omb Battlefield.

I mean, that's kinda simplifying it a bit, but it's a tall mountain, and you climb it in a spiral. There are stars hidden in some really tough spots, like the one here. See it behind the waterfall? You might have to squint. Yeah, good luck trying to grab this one without plummeting back down a ways.

There's another out on a mushroom that requires some gymnastics to get to. You're supposed to launch out of a cannon to get this one, but I AIM TO MISBEHAVE. Also it's more fun to just long jump onto it from a higher point on the mountain. The camera is very uncompliant though. The camera is always uncompliant in this game. It might be the game's one glaring weakness.

I actually like this level a bit, as it plays like a tricky ascent that keeps you on your toes. It's pretty bland-looking though. There's also a monkey that grabs Mario's cap and leaps around like an asshole. It's even worse than the buzzard. Can we not have foes that steal Mario's cap, please?

Getting to the very top of the mountain gives me a star, and I'm gonna consider this one all set. I liked it more than Tiny-Huge Island but it isn't a place I'd want to spend much time in.

Next is the only level I really like in the last third or so of the game, Wet-Dry World. The noteworthy thing about this painting is that the water level changes depending on what height you leap into the painting at.

Backflipping into the top of the painting (to completely flood the level) is the best bet, and the water can be adjusted downward from there inside the level by hitting switches.

None of the stars in this level are difficult to get and they're all fun in different ways. It's a creative level that passes the bar for what I consider a good Mario 64 level: Is it fun to just play around in aimlessly? The answer's yes for this one, unlike most of the lategame levels. I also like the Egyptian-looking city in the distance, which might mean this is in the same sub-dimension as Shifting Sand Land. Who knows.

70 stars is enough to beat the game, so I could wrap this up right now. However, I want to take at least a look at every single level, and I've got a few more of those to do. That's right, no skipping Tick-Tock Clock, despite that level being banned by the senate for violating the Geneva Conventions.

Snowman's Land is a very short area, but it has some cool stuff, like this ice maze that contains a star. This is a good time to mention how quick and easy most of the stars in this game have been. I remember all of the stars being at least somewhat of a challenge to get as a kid. Each one was a damn JOURNEY. Now, though? A lot of them take all of 30 seconds in a level and I'm not sure how they gave me any grief at all in the past. I've got well over enough stars to beat the game and I only have like 7 hours on the clock.

The Big Bully returns here, except it's on a slippery ice platform now. The ice water under the platform is actually deadly, and bounces Mario out like lava. Look at all the 7's up top. I should have gotten 7 coins to complete the set.

The level is centered around (and named after) the giant snowman at the center. He only figures into the very first star, though, where you hide behind a giant penguin and sneak across a slippery walkway to avoid getting blown off into the yonder. Not sure why this penguin is up here pacing back and forth to begin with. Drugs?

Fail to stay behind the penguin, and Mario goes FLYING. It's fun except you have to repeat the annoying climb back up. Yeah, even when this game gives you problems, it finds a way to make them FUN PROBLEMS.

Do this perfectly, and there's a star at the top of the level. It took a few tries. Finally, a star that isn't a gimme!

I've been told that it's possible to backflip on top of the penguin and just stand there while he walks across, to totally avoid this whole deal. Too late now, though.

Ya know, in a lesser game, the first stars (which are usually at the top of any given level) would be the ONLY stars. You'd get to the top of a level, "beat" the level, and move on to the next one. Not this one! They got the most out of every level.

Behold! This is one of the levels with a seashell you can surf around on, which is always a big plus and fun to play around with. It lets you surf right over deadly ice (here), lava (Lethal Lava Land), and even quicksand (Shifting Sand Land).

There's also a sub-area, accessed by crawling into this igloo. Man, this game is just brimming with cool things to find.

This leads to another ice maze, this one indoors. I like this level a lot, I just wish there were more to it. Hard to rank it very high. It's got snow, it's got personality, but it's over so quick.

And now we're down to the castle tower and the last couple of levels.

After a 50-star door (which seems like it should have a Bowser level behind it, but more on that later) I reach the tower. There are only two main levels here, but they're the two toughest in the game by a mile. First is Tick Tock Clock, bane of my existence when I went for 120 stars in this game back in 2012.

Like some other levels, the way you leap into the portrait (or in this case the clock) affects the level. Jumping in with the minute hand at 12 stops time in the level, making it MUCH easier but also locking off some of the stars. Jumping in at 3 slows time, which makes things easier (and allows you to get everything) but it'll still be a bit tougher than most of the levels. And jumping in at any other time means you're going to have a rough go of it.

This is basically a full-on challenge level and exists for the skilled players who want to be pushed. It's a mostly-vertical obstacle course.

The worst part are these conveyor belts, which at least shut down when time is stopped.

Get used to seeing a lot of this. Yeah, this level is BRUTAL. ...and yet it's nothing compared to some of the challenge levels in later Mario games. As a kid it was my least-favorite level. Now? It at least has a purpose. It's the game's big "test everything you've learned" battle. The deadliest foe standing between you and 100%ing the game.

Me, though? I'm off to the next level. BYYYYE.

Next up is a side-stage I want to like, Wing Mario Over The Rainbow. This is technically the final area of the game, but all it has is a red coin star.

As amazing as this level looks, the Wing Cap controls aren't exactly spectacular, and failing the stage (i.e. running out of momentum in midair) causes you to land outside the castle and have to climb all the way back up to the tower to try again. Which ruins it. Well, it was a cool stage in 1996.

The last normal 6-star level is Rainbow Ride, which is designed to destroy people who have any kind of fear of heights. I liked this one as a kid, now I don't. Weird how my views of these levels keep ending up reversed from where they were before. The problem with this level is the very thing I liked the most about it as a kid, the magic carpet rides. More on that in a moment.

I think this level is supposed to be tougher than Tick-Tock Clock, but it isn't for one main reason: Most of the stars are found in individual challenge areas (like this one) that branch off of the center of the level. So it doesn't take long to get back to them and try again. Meanwhile, Tick-Tock Clock's stars are all found in ascending order as you climb the level, so you're making that climb over and over no matter what.

The main gimmick of this level is riding a magic carpet very slowly along a rainbow. As a kid, I thought this was pretty much the coolest thing ever. Now, it's more annoying than anything else. You have these long stretches of time where nothing happens, and repeating those spans of time is just...not fun?

Quick, activate nostalgia goggles: This level LOOKS mystical in screenshots. What a wondrous game! Meanwhile, in wrestling, Hollywood Hogan was facing "Macho Man" Randy Savage at the upcoming Halloween Havoc, with the very SOUL of WCW on the line! Both Final Fantasy VII and the Mr. McMahon character were mere twinkles in the eye of Hironobu Sakaguchi and Mr. McMahon, respectively.

Which reminds me...how rough is it that this game, and the N64, dropped at the very end of September? Not only during the school year, but right when the school year usually gets busy! I guess it's also when the weather gets a bit colder and kids are staying in more. But still. Imagine waiting for this ALL SUMMER and it finally drops when you're too busy to play it. Eh, who are we kidding, a lot of kids were "sick" the first week of October 1996.

Back to this infernal level, the main star involves reaching this airship and grabbing a star from the deck. Much like the submarine earlier, it feels like there was supposed to be a sub-area here. Nope, you can't go inside the airship. At the most, it's a nod to the earlier games in the series. WHERE ARE THE KOOPALINGS? JUSTICE FOR ROY KOOPA, DAMN IT!

The sixth and final star is in an even higher pinnacle, a castle at the top of the level. Yep, there it is. It looks..incomplete. Where are the textures? The stainglass windows? I suspect the game was a bit rushed towards the end.

With all of the levels out of the way (and well over the 70 required to beat the game) it's time to take on BOWSER.

Bowser in the Sky is the last level, the last time we get the incredible Bowser music, and a very challenging obstacle course. This is where everything you've learned gets tested. It's easier than Tick-Tock Clock and Rainbow Ride, weirdly enough.

There are a bunch of shortcuts here, like this spot where you can backflip from a spinning platform-wheel to get to the next floor without having to deal with that purple guy over there.

Fun Fact: For the longest time I thought these purple guys were invincible. Turns out you can defeat them by running behind them and picking them up / throwing them, which generates a blue coin. Not really worth it to fight them though, since they can easily grab you instead and chuck you off the level.

Did I mention how damn gorgeous this level is? It's the best level for "wistfully gazing off into the distance"

This last part takes after Rainbow Ride's magic carpets and has you trying to stay on a platform as it goes under all kinds of obstacles. Levels where you have to patiently stay on a moving platform have always been the bane of my existence. The very last level of Donkey Kong Country, Platform Perils, is like this...and it did me in when I rented the game back in ninety-fo'. That's right, I got to the last level and couldn't beat the game. If I never have to stay on a moving platform through a level again, it'll be too soon.

This is it. The pinnacle. Bowser #3. FEEL the excitement of millions of players at reaching the ultimate moment of the game...and being confronted by the menace that is Goomba.

Where we began, so too do we end.

He is now... multichromatic florescent Bowser? Did he get irradiated or something? Is his next form going to be a Deathclaw?

This fight is much harder than the other Bowsers, because you have to throw him into bombs 3 times instead of 1 time. This...makes a huge difference. He also has a much more extensive repertoire of attacks.

The game is nice enough to give you a checkpoint right before the fight (not sure if the other two Bowser levels did that), and even better, there's a 1-Up right here so you can keep trying indefinitely. Once you get here, you don't have to repeat the level. This Bowser fight isn't a gimme fight like the other two, it's a real battle.

After two bombs, Bowser shatters the platform into a much smaller platform, making the third throw the most treacherous to land. At that point I was just throwing and praying. The key is to stay on him and grab the tail ASAP when he lands. The more time he has to spray fire everywhere, the worse it gets. All of that said, the fight isn't that bad, and pretty much in line with most other Mario final boss fights.

Bowser HATES PEACE. How much campaign money has he collected from Military-Industrial Complex lobbyists? Why is his net worth 800 times higher than his yearly congressional salary? WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR?

Always liked how Mario puts on a Wing Cap and flies in big circles around The Sky after defeating Bowser. Just a great moment where, briefly, all feels right with the world.

...then you remember that you have to go back to school the next day because you've been "sick" longer than is believable, so it's back to the daily grind and minutiae and bullying.

And begging your parents to buy Halloween Havoc so you can see "Macho Man" Randy Savage battle Hollywood Hogan.

And hanging out on AOL chat rooms. Nintendo Power Source >>> Highlander: The Source, which was a mere twinkle in the eye of a boardroom of clueless studio execs.

Season 5 of Highlander: The Series had JUST started the very week that this game came out. I'm serious. This wasn't even intentional on my part, I just found this out! Maybe subliminally this is why I chose now to finally replay this game. I was back in October 1996 mentally in more ways than I realized.

To thank him for saving the castle, Peach gives Mario a quick no-contact peck on the nose. That's all he's getting, because unbeknownst to him, she's been hooking up with Luigi the entire time. Luigi is slightly taller, so he has a 10x easier time chasing women than Mario does.

Mario acts like he just won the World Series! The Princess then scurries off to the castle bedroom, where Luigi is sprawled out naked while holding a rose with his teeth. He'll be going down the Princess' Secret Slide a lot for the next few days, let me tell ya.

That's it for this game. 10/10 game, put Nintendo firmly ahead in the console wars (at least until Final Fantasy VII came along).

To be faaaaaair, it is difficult to compete with Aerith's game.

In other news, I bopped over to Super Mario Galaxy and finally finished getting the 120 stars there, which 100%'s the last pre-Switch 3D Mario that I never 100%'d. Rolled right from Mario 64 into the last 13 stars here.

The toughest, or at least most-annoying star in this game is this trash-bombing minigame. It involves throwing Bob-Ombs so they detonate and clear trash piles. You've got an extremely limited timeframe to do this, and the Bob-Ombs take longer and longer to detonate the more of them you throw.

Winning is a matter of overlapping bombs and having them chain-react so they all go off in time. Which means throwing them all kinda close together for the last few. Lot of people say this is the toughest star in the game, and I completely failed to get it last time around, but this time I got it in one try...with less than one second left.

Purple Coins in the Dreadnought is another tough one, and ended up being the last one I did.

That wasn't TOO bad but it took a bunch of tries. I think Luigi's Purple Coins might have been the worst of the 13 for me.

Tremendous game and still the only one I'd put above Mario 64 in overall 3D Mario goodness, though that's all very subjective.

Toughest stars in SMG: Luigi's Purple Coins, Dreadnought Purple Coins, that other purple coin level where you're floating over a pit and slingshotting around.... pretty much half of the purple coin levels. Also the aforementioned minigame where you have to blow up trash at the Dreadnought. What were they thinking on that last one.

Back to Mario 64, I've got one more thing to do here.

SPECULATION ON CUT CONTENT:

I said earlier that it would have made far more sense for Mario 64 to have four "worlds" rather than the three and a half that it has. Bearing that in mind, here are things that I think might have been on the drawing board that got cut:

-A Bowser level after the 50-star door. My guess is "Bowser in the Frozen Expanse" or something along those lines. The Dark World and The Sky are kind of opposite counterparts to each other (the former is the underworld), so the missing Bowser level being an opposite counterpart to The Fire Sea makes the most sense to me. Also, a Bowser level with the element of ice added in would be a very suitable challenge for the 50-star door.

-An explorable sub in Dire Dire Docks. That level is so small and unfinished-feeling that it seems like the intention was to have a sub-zone (no pun intended) like the pyramid or the volcano in the same section of the game. Just so weird that the sub shows up and disappears shortly after without ever amounting to anything. Also weird that the one star that involves the sub just has you running up to the deck and grabbing it, nothing to it. Seems like it should have been the one that had you go inside the vessel.

-Two more levels added to the Tower to make it a legit fourth world. That way, each of the four worlds has four levels (except for Big Boo's Haunt which is sorta halfway between world 1 and 2). 4x4 would make sense and give this a more Mario-like roundness.

-As for the two levels in question, one of them being a Ghost House type of level would make sense, since Big Boo's Haunt is the only level in the game that doesn't share its music with another level. The other 14 levels are all neatly divided into pairs music-wise. So another haunted level, plus one other mystery level. (Note: Mario 64 DS adds several new levels; They're all pretty bad and have one star each, feeling very much like "B-Team content" if not C-Team. However it's worth noting that the two biggest of the new areas are a ghost-themed zone and a poison bog, which may be clues as to what the last two levels in the original game would have been themed around).

-I'm guessing that the 3 "free stars" given to you by Toads in the castle are to offset missing stars that would have been in the two missing levels and get you to an even number (120). Along with the second "chase the bunny" star, given how redundant it is (a second star for doing the exact same thing over again). Subtract those 4 stars from the 120 total, and add 7x2 stars for the two missing levels, and we get... an even 130 stars, which I'd bet was the original plan.

Speculation over. Great game, kinda timeless, a bit generational. We wouldn't get another standard 3D Mario platformer like this for another eleven years. Either way, this game will always be nice to revisit, as a momentary portal back to October 1996.