Friday, October 5, 2012

Wild Guns (Super NES, 1994)

Today I'm taking a quick look at a forgotten SNES game. It has achieved slightly mythical status in the last couple of years due to a number of high-profile members of the internet singing its praises. It's... surprisingly great.



 
This is a shooter along the lines of one of those Super Scope games (remember those?) like Battleclash. Difference is that it is played with a controller and isn't first person.

It also has one of THE sexiest female characters in the history of video games, Annie. There's also a dude, but this post isn't going to worry about that

Look at those legs. Be prepared because this game shows off those legs EVERY chance it gets. In other news... she reminds me of a sexy, realistically-proportioned Princess Toadstool.

She also has a super-sexy crouch. Hell, everything she does is sexy. Now before I look like I don't get out much, what about the rest of the game?

Annie is ready for action. If Annie came in powdered form, I would take a hit. A quick toot.

Wait, what? Indeed, it took me all of about five seconds to die. This game is REALLY DIFFICULT.

Why is it so difficult? Because you're manuevering Annie around the screen in a deadly game of dodge-bullet while attempting to fire back with a crosshair. I'm not sure if I can adequately describe this, but it's a bizarre fusion of a 2D side-scroller (defensively) and an FPS (offensively). This hybrid of game styles is something I've never played before and it isn't easy to get used to at all.

The first boss. This game doesn't just combine genres; it's like a combination of the Wild West and futuristic machines. Kinda like Firefly.

First boss is defeated. That first level was an epic struggle, and little did I know that the remaining five levels would make it look easy.

There's Annie bein' all hot. I don't normally like blondes, but there's something about this femme fatale.

After the first stage, you get a stage select. As a kid I thought stage selects were the coolest thing ever. If you got stuck on one level, you could go to another one. Now I find them to be a little irritating because they divert your attention around instead of having you learn the stages in a linear difficulty progression and- damn, look at those legs

Is that a dinosaur skeleton? It'd be crazy if this game had dinosaurs too.

Annie battles flying robots. Suck it, Skynet!

Next boss is a super-difficult tank. It has a flamethrower that's really difficult to dodge and...and... I don't want to talk about it.

Annie exudes 'tude and sass after winning. Look at that wink.

This game has a bunch of mini-bosses, and most of them are this jetpack-sporting douchenozzle.

The bosses are all impressive, though, even if it's hard to tell what most of them are. Are these Terminator-esque automatons? Are they being piloted by nefarious cowboys? I'm not sure.

It's MINE CART MADNESS as Annie contends with dynamite-throwing fellas in carts.

Another difficult mini-boss is this... uh, cowboy machine. It isn't too high on the intimidation factor. The T-800, this ain't.

Another boss. Some of the bosses are stationary, which makes for a much easier fight. When you don't have to worry about moving the crosshairs around much, you can focus on dodging.

And the last regular boss, an impressively-sized mechanical crab. All of these bosses are pretty damn difficult to beat, and the game is lucky it's so much fun.

Final stage pops up. Here's the villain, who looks like Joe Pesci from the video for Smooth Criminal.

 Get this: That song featured the lyrics "Annie are you okay?"... COINCIDENCE?

The final stage has a miniboss fight that consists of not one, but two of these bad boys. It's rough. Enough about that, though, look at Annie's ballerinaesque leap.

Pesci attacks! The final battle takes place in a strange, technologically-advanced room.

I lucked out and had super mode activate during this fight. The meter in the lower left fills as you damage enemies, and when it maxes out Annie basically goes Super Saiyan for about ten seconds, rapid-firing extremely powerful blasts. The meter takes AGES to fill, however, and I only saw this super mode happen three times in the course of the game. It gave me the win over the final boss without much work, at least.

DAMN that is one hot cartoon character. ...Annie is okay too.

With the defeat of the notorious Pesci, the game is complete. It was short, but pretty rad. The challenge is intense, though, and at times it ceased to be fun. Discretion is advised with this one, but the game is memorable for giving the world Annie. This proves that a leg-tastic babe being the main character of a game is something that should happen more often. Game companies, take note.

1 comment:

  1. Now maybe Cowboys vs Aliens would have been a hit if it was more like this..

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