Saturday, January 28, 2023

Dragon Quest V SFC, Part 4 - Sledgehammer



Previously on DQV... our rude boi Rudaman is making all the life decisions for his stunningly-hot daughter.

But that's okay, because Rudaman is a Thicc Boi.

"Yeah! Yeah!"

He sends us to a nearby volcano. That's right, Flora wasn't kidding. It'd be hilarious if it turned out that Rudaman was just sending people to their deaths to appease a volcano god. "How do you think I got so rich? NOBODY is marrying my daughter!"

The volcano dungeon is...very early-SNES. Here's "Captain Friendzone" Andy, milling about.

One of the tougher mid-game bosses of this journey, mainly because there are a trio of 'em and they can all do AOEs. This fight was on the tough side, and I did a ton of extra leveling before this too.

Done with that dungeon. This place needed Gurgu Volcano music.

The next leg of the journey takes us to Bianca's town, where her bummed the hell out to hear Gaz's story.

Sounds like things have generally sucked over the last ten years for everybody. At least this family wasn't in a gulag, though.

Bianca is like...a woman now.

Bianca tells Gaz where to sit. Hot.

Then she orders our hero to keep eating. "DON'T STOP EATING UNLESS I TELL YOU TO"


This just went from being a nerdy RPG party to being an Andrew WK party. WE LIKE FUN, AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.

She's got a bunch of spells right off the bat, including the super-useful Bikill. It doubles attack power, as is tradition. It's way too powerful most of the time, and is probably one of the big reasons why they always give the final bosses AOE dispels.

After watching this lady ask to speak to the manager, our heroes set out for the water dungeon to get the second ring.

Yo, it's that very first bridge from the beginning of Secret of Mana. One of the few game moments that I still get nostalgic over.

Bianca appreciates the view up here. I think we need to bring "beautiful" back because no one says it anymore.

This next dungeon has these guys, so I spend some time in here grinding away like a Lineage 2 gold farmer fighting to meet quota and increase their social credit score.

Another one down, and I didn't even have to fight Kraken.

Since Gaz is the Protagonist, Bianca is crushed by him marrying someone else. Get in line, lady.

Though truth be told, Bianca's the only woman in this game that actually would realistically be all that interested in him at this juncture.

I pick up a Cureslime as well, which was one of my endgame bench-players in the remake. We'll see if it has that kind of longevity here. This thing can learn pretty much any heal, IIRC. Strange that it gets Healall at a lower level than Healmore. Later you can get the even-better King Cureslime, but I've never managed to do that. Too rare.

Rudaman, the thicc rude boi, is thrilled that Gaz is the sweet piece of tail for Flora.

Now we get this scene:

Now that she's laid eyes on Bianca, Flora suddenly really doesn't want to get married to Gaz. I mean surely he doesn't want to! Remember the volcano?

It's left up to Gaz to decide on one of these two willing (well, one is willing) bachelorettes.

This random guy in the inn is having some sort of Flora Sex Dream.

In this other house, some guy is watching a lady sleep. Weird. Meanwhile the ground is shaking and there's moaning coming from somewhere. Not again...

Gaz visits Flora's house, where Rudaman is up late planning wedding details.

Bianca is up late and all sweaty for some reason.

Man, why is all of this so weird?

Bianca then sighs and gets out a Pulsating Detachable Shower Head before disappearing into the bathroom.

Gaz: "I'll take 'em both!"

I don't know about that, I'm pretty sure this is a situation where something like that could potentially be worked out.

"And her nether-regions taste like cotton candy."

...wait, how do you know about this?

I pick Bianca, because she's got better spells, and has a history with our hero. And most importantly, I've never picked her before in this game. I had a wrong to put right. Also everyone wouldn't shut up about how I should marry Bianca.

::Flora goes on Tinder and has 187 matches in an hour::

What in the blue hades are Bianca and Flora doing in there? I hear a shower running and lots of gasps. Well, probably nothing.

I wander around for a while and chat with Bianca's father, who is now bedridden. He's going through the Cid stages of collapse, and Celes isn't catching the right fish.

I drop in on a bathing pool, where this Old Guy is checking out las chicas. Since he's The Protagonist, Gaz needs only wink in their direction and they'll swoon.

This horned dwarf has forged the wedding veil I need. Back in my day, dwarf blacksmiths forged Excaliburs and Adamant Armors.

Yeah yeah, the short version, let's go.

A quick peck seals the marriage.

In the remake when I chose Debora, this was more like a passionate PDA session, followed by Debora ordering Gaz to get on his knees and tear off her garter with his teeth.

Flora then loads up Tinder, while Andy is seen looking in the window and weeping. Well, he could have asked to be her wedding date or something.

I see Henry and Maria are here. Well, the Salabona Inn is gonna have to replace some stuff tomorrow.

The next day...wait, they slept in separate beds? LOL come on. Let's push these beds together and move into the 1960's.

Apparently he owes her more than that if they were sleeping in separate beds.

Rudaman is disappointed at how things have gone, and won't be swinging his hips to the side like Pumbaa for a while.

He's still gracious even though Flora is mate-less. That's why he's our thicc boi Rudaman.

Bianca's father is miraculously cured when he sees his daughter happy. This makes a lot of sense, sometimes people really can snap out of an ailment if they're delivered some good-enough news.

Even though Gaz didn't marry Flora (or invite her into a spicy love-sandwich with Bianca), Rudaman still left him a boat.

Traveling around the seas a bit, a strange island is home to all kinds of slimes.

That's right, this island is the home of...

...the Medal King!

I still haven't ever really bothered with this guy in any of the DQ games. Sorry, Yuji Horii.

Next stop is the far southern continent, a vast desert.

A castle stands in the middle of it. What's next? A monster part five of this series, that's what.


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