Saturday, January 21, 2023

Dragon Quest V SFC, Part 2 - Gulag Blues

 

This game got 99% on Rotten Tomato.


Next stop: Reinhart Castle, home of Prince Harry.

I hope Papas rolls his R's when he says Santa Rrrrrosa, like you're supposed to. I can't really do that unfortunately.

The thoughtful old guy. He's here decade after decade mulling over the nation's fate.

At some point he'll pause for reflection and realize he never really had any control over the nation's fate and could have spent all of that time making it with hot chix.

NO. DON'T YOU DO IT.

NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

After wandering around for a bit, I find Prince Henry. He's a real gem, as usual.

Wait a minute, isn't this kinda the story of Elden Ring?

After roaming around more, Gaz finally gets enlisted as a goon. Dreams DO come true!

Then Henry immediately gets kidnapped, cancelling my goon-ship right out of the gate. This goon-ship was gonna do a lot for our careers, dammit!

A really welcome improvement from previous games: When characters get knocked out, you don't have to drag them all the way to the local church for a revival. They just come back with 1 HP. I loved when Chrono Trigger did this after several FF games without it, too.

Future Edit: Not actually the case, as once things move to Act 2, the automatic revivals seem to end.

Our heroes chase down the kidnappers, and they're a bunch of drunk Russian guys in tracksuits.

EVERY. TIME.

"Tarzan Boy" by Baltimora wafts in from somewhere while Puckle stands on his hind legs and waves his front paws in the air.

At last, they reach the fated hour. Bishop Ladja is just "Gema" here, but we have the same end result of a loss. His hands look like a Facehugger.

Jahmi and Gonz are the name of the two goons here, and they still get jobbed out to Papas.

Gema then proceeds to crush the Golden Orb, slay Papas, and the kids get thrown into a work camp.

This is some real Conan the Barbarian level brutal shit. At least they left Puckle alone. Not to spare him, but because they figured he'd expire on his own.

IN THE GULAG...

"2 + 2 = 5, CITIZEN!" says the guard while our heroes work.

Here's Maria at her lowest point. Well, it's everybody's lowest point. They're all wearing tattered rags, like I'm back in the Pogo chapter of LAL.

I fight this surprisingly-tough miniboss and escape the temple. Seriously, this fight was way harder than it had any right to be. Feels like something that escaped from Paladin's Quest. Which is probably the hardest DQ game out there. But really, most problems in that game can be fixed with some leveling up, much like DQ.

This nun...has seen our hero nekkid.

The nun, in a Dot Matrix voice: "You didn't...DO anything in the barrel did you? You better keep your hands to yourself mister!"

I can't believe this game got 99% on Rotten Tomato.

This thing is devastating, and best of all you can't lose it because it comes back. However you have to make sure to like, dodge out of the way or it'll slash your jugular.

Our next stop is to head back to Prince Henry's kingdom. However, what we find...

...is a land in the midst of recession and disrepair, with supply chain woes and hyperinflation. The worst part is the news won't talk honestly about any of it and Big Tech mutes people who try to. A lot of people are totally okay with this because their guy is in charge, not realizing that who's in charge can flip very quickly and THEN you've got all this consolidated power and censorship in the hands of someone you don't agree with. Not that it matters because you're talking about two "sides" of a neoconservative "Uniparty" that destroys any outsiders that muscle in on their grift.

Anyway, we can start by getting this floor swept.

The very first shops in the game now have new stuff, being ten years later.

Oh yeah, monster-taming is a thing in this game. However with a 3-person party rather than four, choices are substantially more narrow. I really like this version of the game and its look, but so far the remake trounces it hands-down. Just the increased party size ALONE is a massive improvement.

I get the Monster Wagon, which is said to be a great place to make out.

My hometown is also in shambles, with drug-fueled tent cities springing up and everything covered in anti-cop graffiti and shit. Man, if I ever wake up in a world like this, just kill me.

Evil Apples spawn around here and I tried to recruit one since they're good at getting critical hits. However, them topping out at level 20 is even worse with the limitation of a 3-person party. Doesn't matter because I couldn't get one anyway.

First appearance of Metal Slimes, and their run-rate seems lower here than in the other games.

Also the exp is increased.

I get my first recruit here (unfortunately not a Metal Slime, just a regular Slime)

It's Noted Communist Leader Slalin. "Hail Comrade!" he says.

This dungeon has this weird area where walking on one floor makes water disappear on another floor. Slalin looks happy, probably because he just purged some Bolsheviks. He keeps mumbling about "Useful Idiots" while bouncing around.

The game's ultimate weapon is found, but of course, no one can use it yet. The good news is, this game is absolutely flying by compared to the remake, so I'll probably have The Kids in a matter of hours.

This nun knows way too much.

WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?

Slalin equips the only armor that's available in his USSR utopia: Pots and pans.

I also get a Bladed Boomerang for Slalin. Stop! He's already responsible for millions of deaths!

Speaking of Slalin, looks like the Kingdom of Reinhart has devolved into a Papers Please society.

Luckily the guards recognize Prince Henry and let him through.

Don't say that too loud, next they'll start purging the troops!

I farm Slime Knights for a bit until I recruit one of these guys. They're basically clones of Gazpacho, sort of a paladin class. The 3-character party limit is already a bit of an issue because I can't mix and match the monsters at all, it's just pick one and go. Slime Knight is probably the best one I can have for a while, going by the remake playthrough. Orc King and especially Golem are better, but much later on. With the 3-character limit I'll need to be very selective about who is in the final party. Golem is most likely to make the cut. That's a few posts off though.

TO BE CONTINUED






No comments:

Post a Comment