Thursday, December 19, 2019

Fire Emblem Heroes - Babe Appreciation Post

Now for something completely different: An appreciation of the babes of Fire Emblem Heroes. It's a free-to-play mobile game where you collect Fire Emblem characters. As is Fire Emblem tradition, it's full of glorious babes. Will this post fly in 2019? #CancelCoronaJumper

Lyn is pretty much the Chief Babe of Fire Emblem. She rides the world's luckiest horse.

Pictured: The Aforementioned Horse.

Lyn first appeared in Fire Emblem on Game Boy Advance. Japanese name: Fire Emblem 7: Blazing Sword (also can be translated as Blazing Blade). I love the Japanese names of Fire Emblem games. Someday I'll cover that series on here, specifically the first 8 games which I consider to be the retro part of the series. Probably after I'm done with Mana, Phantasy Star, and Final Fantasy. So in 2033. If by then I'm not scrounging for supplies in the post-apocalypse Russian metro.

Even the random enemies are elegant and sexy. Thigh-high boots will never not be hot.

Really good attention to detail: Her left boob has an armor plate on it when she uses a bow, and not randomly. That's the one most likely to get damaged from firing a bow.

My God, here's what Loki would actually spend all of his time form-changed into in real life if he was a perv. She won't be firing a bow any time soon though.

My go-to character in this game was Kagero, one of those critical-hit dispensing rogue type characters that uses knives. They're always OP in Fire Emblem games.

As characters get battle-damage, their portraits change.

Lyn gains a lot of levels. Sometimes she gains multiple levels in a row.

Linde is a book-wielding sorceress with Greek goddess boots. AKA the best boots.

Speaking of books and sorceresses, Micaiah is a rad unique name.

More hot random enemies. Fun Fact: In real life, garter belts do not stay on in a tussle.

Lyn isn't the only one gaining tons of levels. Here's Kagero trying to enjoy a mediocre level-up.

Here's Eirika, maybe my favorite Fire Emblem character looks-wise. Something about the red corset and white skirt creating a delightful S-Curve. She hates war, but you're here, so I GUESS WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

Yeah, pretty much any time Eirika is onscreen she's like "WELP, WE HAVE TO FIGHT" while her opponents peer at her. Ever heard of diplomacy?

Eirika is the main character from Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones. Or as it's known in Japan, Fire Emblem 8: Shining Stones of Holiness and Evil.

Eirika's sexiness is, in a word, hip. I don't mean hips, I mean she's just cool about it.

Camilla on the other hand isn't cool-sexy, instead rocking a bunny suit. Meh. What's in the giant egg, you ask? Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

Red-haired archer alert. In the world of Fire Emblem, a gigantic poofy dress is okay for combat. In the real world stairs would be an insurmountable obstacle.

Wait, I have to revise what I said. Eirika isn't my favorite Fire Emblem lady, Celica is. For a lot of the same reasons:

She makes "cool-sexy" an art. Like, not even trying.

Here she is slinging magic. Unfortunately this is all I've got for shots of her. I had ONE! JOB!

Not sure who this is, or why she's cosplaying as Quiet from MGS5. Is that a baby Ultros? BABY ULTROS!

Here's (Jesus Christ) Tiki, who...swings a watermelon on a stick. This is how I imagine all women dress in the summertime in Italy.

::Picard blinks and squints:: "There are...THREE MELONS!"

I don't know who this is in relation to the series, but whoever designed her didn't hold back on the sexy: Lower-abdominal creases, hip curves, and a literal scarf for a skirt.

Here's Tana, who infamously may or may not be in love with her brother Innes.

Another frilly skirt and thigh-high white stockings round out her ensemble of shapeliness, as she battles foes with a pike and her powerful arms. She's also a Pegasus Knight, AKA the first type of character that gets murdered if there are archers in the vicinity. LEAVE MY PEGASUS KNIGHTS ALONE!

There is no end to the gorgeousness today. Here's Azura, rocking a Brandi Rhodes type sorceress-dress.

I don't know what purpose a band of chain mail around the thigh or ankle serves, but it's some incredible fashion.

Since Fire Emblem Heroes draws characters from the entire series, there's a Predators style theme here where all of these characters are being warp-napped from their lives/regular games and dropped into the world of this game. It's just a means to get the series favorites in one place so we can have a sweet phone game.

Here's Olivia, who is dressed a bit like Jasmine. Like the other characters, she finds herself in a whole new world.

Here's ::checks notes:: Ayra, who I'm not familiar with from the series. I liked her look so much in this game that I made it a project to get her as powered-up as possible. Swordmaster class characters tend to be pretty good in this series. Not death machines like assassins or sorcerers, but strong enough to hold their own.

She's a little too similar to Lyn with the loincloth look, but it's okay. The fact that she has a normal, non-colorful hairstyle actually sets her apart here in the land of women with the hair of Tekashi 6ix9ine.

Her original source is Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of Holy War. She was the first Swordmaster character in this series.

Since she started out underleveled, she had to level up...a lot. Here she is having a really intense, deep level-up.

Yikes, what is this? Tharja is a character who had a great outfit in her source game, a dark sorceress ensemble. Here, not so much.

Here's Elincia, from Fire Emblem 9: Path of Radiance. She's got a great look and actually dresses like a knight.

Mia, another swordmaster. Unbeknownst to most Fire Emblem ladies, but knownst to Mia: The secret to holding up thigh-high tights is to have a garter belt with a buckle on it.

Here's Marisa, who has radiant shiny legs and the distinction of being one of the few characters with pink hair.

One final shot for the road. Here's Lyn in her evolved class form, which concludes our appreciation topic.


  1. Eirika is the best, but Celica is better than the best. Too bad she wasn't in the game back when I was playing.

    Ayra was a new stand-out for me too. In contrast to Lyn who was more expected greatness.

    Yeah, some of the character art are duds, like that Tharja.

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