Sunday, December 2, 2018

Pokemon: Let's Go Pikachu, Part 2 - Pikachu es Muy Suave!

 Pokémon is back. Look at how angry Brock looks back there. Ya know, with the way Giovanni never actually shows up at the eighth gym, they should have named HIM Brock.


Previously on Let's Go Pikachu...

 I nearly played the game en Espanol!

 Here's our hero inspecting a plush Pikachu, which the game informs us is MUY SUAVE! While that sounds pretty great, I don't advise going around telling people that you're "muy suave", because it means "very soft".

 Also, the Generalisimo was buggering about. Cataluña's hot mom was having none of it and sent him on his way.

 Get out of here, Generalisimo!

 Also, dog was driving. "WATCH OUT FOR THAT CLIFF" says the other dog.

And now, we join Let's Go Pikachu in progress, only on Telemundo.

 After the fight with Brock, our heroes are the worse for wear. This means a trip to the...

 ...Pokécenter, which of course heals your party to full. It means this "nurse" confiscates them momentarily though. How do I know I can trust her? What if she's a quack swindler, waiting for someone to bring in a Mewtwo so she can disappear out the back door?

 "One Winged Angel" plays as my army of Pikachus regain their power. My theory for this playthrough: If you throw enough Pikachus at the enemy, you can win any fight.

 This next route has some of my favorite trainer dialogue. Here's the lass that accuses your hero of checking out her ass.

"Bum-looker!"

 Here's something that I think might be new for this remake. Every so often you find "elite trainers". They're optional fights unlike the other trainers that stand around, and they tend to be more difficult.

 This one isn't -that- much more difficult, with his sole Pokémon coming in only a few levels higher than the ones we've been fighting. Winning gets you a Revive. With how incredibly easy this game is, I'll let you know if I ever use it.

 Here's Shorts Guy Dudley, another memorable trainer from waaay back in the day (then again, I played almost all of this series in the last couple of years...more on that later*)

 That's right, though Cataluña is wearing short lady-shorts.

 Shorts Guy Dudley sics his pet rat on us. "Pop a cap, Rattata!" he says. "Brrrap! Brrrap!"

...Is that you, Tekashi?

I'm pretty sure yoga pants are, but you keep justifying all that stock you purchased in shorts.

 Here's Mt. Moon, the first real dungeon of the game. There are only a few major dungeons in Gen 1 Pokémon, and they're all lengthy. However, the fact that random battles no longer exist might make the dungeons actually easier than the routes in this version.

...what's Meowth doing sleeping up there?

 ...WHOA, IT'S TEAM ROCKET. Half of the things happening are a surprise to me, even though I've played Gen 1 three times before this.

 Why would anyone wait for their friends in a cave? Are you going to murder somebody?

Speaking of Mt. Moon, the translations for the area in different languages are fun:


Some of them are pretty sexy, like the Russian and Italian names. Also funny: Maanberg of the Netherlands. Beware of undefeated wrestling sensation MAANBERG.

 Meanwhile, I get one of my favorite 'Mons: Geodude. I like him so much because he's early in the game and has two cool evolutions. Back during the first evening that I had Pokémon Blue, my team pretty much consisted of Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Pidgey, and Geodude.

 The hell? What exactly is it that you DO here, Chansey? Like, what's your job?

 I finally have enough variety to shelf the non-hero Pikachus. It's good to have Geodude back. I've never had a Clefairy on the team, so we'll see if it's as powerful as I think it might be.

 I wonder if this is the same lass that was waiting for her friends. Your friends suck!

 Of course, Mt. Moon is also home to noted serial killer, Hiker Marcos. He's probably the "friends" that lass was waiting for. Tinder LIES!

 My God. Can you imagine running into this grinning, soulless visage in the depths of a cave, with no phone reception and no one else around?

 During the course of this dungeon I saw one Onix, and it appeared while I was talking to an NPC behind him. I've GOTTA GET IT

 I then proceed to have him break out of like six catch attempts before running away. I timed some of them perfectly too, if it makes a difference in catch rate. We're starting to see some cracks in the cathedral of this game (aside from the Wii-level graphics and overall slowness). Since there's no battle involved, having it take a bunch of tries to catch random foes isn't interesting so much as tedious and time-consuming. I might start avoiding more regular fights if this keeps up.

 Team Rocket Grunts lurk all over the place in here, and they look like sinister henchmen from a 60's Batman show.

 Oh geez, more fossil farming? I just got done with that in Wild Arms 3, and now Meowth has to do it.

Live to win, Meowth!

 As is Pokémon tradition, the female Team Rocket Grunts have way hotter outfits than the weirdo guys. No wonder the dating situation in Japan is dying and no one's boning anymore.

 This is what I say when I encounter breasts.

 Otacon is after the two fossils of Mt. Moon so that he can extract the DNA and digivolve it into a dinosaur army ala Jurassic Park. Unfortunately for Otacon, Cataluña has other plans: Pretty much doing the same thing.

 But I won the fight. Why does the loser get 50% of the spoils? That never happens anywhere in anything. In other words, I WANT BOTH FOSSILS GIVE ME BOTH FOSSILS I'M NOT GREEDY

 Trying to remember which one is Aerodactyl, which I'd like to get later. I could look it up, but I'm going to wing it (heh) and be surprised.

 But wait! Team Rocket is here and THEY want the fossils. Meowth got tired of living to win and sold the Wild Arms 3 CD to some kid who believed it was a super-HM.

 I was waiting for this fight. They look goooood in these Wii graphics. Remember, this is the first console Pokémon game ever, which gives all of this a certain degree of newness in Gen 1 presentation that even Pokémon FireRed didn't have.

 They send out the snake from the Garden of Eden and - even more frighteningly - a cigarette company lobbyist. Pikachu and Bulbasaur could easily defeat them in battle, but can they see past their LIES?

 Stealth Rock sounds like when you rock out with your band in the garage, but it's late at night, so you have to rock out very quietly to avoid waking up your parents.

 How are we supposed to deal with this bush? Let's take it to Justin Timberlake and Nelly for the answer:

JT: "We gotta trim the bush in a strip, right?"
Nelly: "Naw man, we gotta trim the bush NEKKID."
JT: "Strip!"
Nelly: "NEKKID."

 I'll worry about that later, because now I've found one of those fairy fountains from A Link to the Past (coming soon!) that you can throw money into and they give you more bombs and arrows. I don't know what this does, but I make money way faster than I spend it, so let's throw some in.

 It looks like all it does is make Pikachu happy. I wonder if things like this and petting him raises a hidden stat that we can't see. It must have some effect later on. Like if your faction with Pikachu isn't good enough, you get a bad ending where the hero gets petrified, then Pikachu just goes "Thank GOD" and leaves.

 Bill...Clinton? This really IS a remake of a 90's game!

 I was kinda wondering about that. Why DO people beef on William Jefferson Clinton so much?

Moments after this picture was taken, The Man From Taured disappeared, despite the windows being locked. I wonder how you say "Mt. Moon" in the language of Taured.

 I don't know if I trust a man holding a lollipop in one hand and a whip in the other. It's alright though: This guy teaches you the INSANELY OP ability Zippy Zap. It's basically a Quick Attack that always criticals and does elec-element damage. I don't remember this move from any other versions of Gen 1, and for the time being at least, it's an "I win lol" button that really wasn't needed. In the interest of continuing to progress quickly, I'll take it.

 Time for the second gym, home to the sex bob-omb known as Misty. In the original Pokémon Yellow this was probably the most challenging gym in the game. Both of her Pokémon could make short work of Pikachu unless you leveled WAY up beforehand, and it wasn't easy to have a team strong against her at this point. In other versions of Gen 1, Bulbasaur could whoop up here, Squirtle was neutral, and Charmander ran into issues (much like Pikachu).

 Of course, I get accosted by Jim's Dad at the doorway, who won't let me in unless I have a Pokémon strong enough to roll over the place. Why not let the player try whenever they want? Low-Level Playthroughs would be impossible in this version, but I guess it also prevents little kids from running into any kind of steep difficulty.

Misty's gym is basically Elysium, and every time you turn around there's another bikini-clad, prancing woman.

Beautiful girls don't swim, they glide.

Been there, sister

Misty (and her incredibly cute outfit) is the boss here. How difficult will the fight be in this version? Will Pikachu get dismantled again?

Oh God, that pose. For a kid's game, Pokémon sure knows how to give the female characters sexy outfits and curves.

This is definitely my favorite gym leader. At least until Sabrina.

She sends out Staryu Psyduck? Wait a minute. When did THAT change happen? Psyduck is an easy opponent, like Brock's Geodude, which leaves...

...Starmie, still intact as the final fight here. This thing was practically an uberboss in Pokémon Yellow (mainly because it tended to go before all of your Pokémon and often one-shot them). In this game it's easy because the wildly-overpowered Zippy Zap completely negates its speed, and defeats it in two hits.

Your midriff is too much. Alright, I'll stop creeping on these giant-headed Poké-women. My mind says no but mah body says yes!

Oh for crying out loud, it's YOU again. Get outta here, vile Generalisimo!

"HA HA HA HA HA" he laughs maniacally while shrugging off our bullets.

One fight later, the diabolical dictator is fended off again. If this guy's playing the Gary role, he's the final boss. And yet, for whatever reason, I'd be surprised if that ended up happening. Feels like something else is in store. That'd be nice, because quite frankly this guy is on the lame side.

He tells our hero of a talking Pokémon that's currently inhabiting the house of Bill, which is our next stop. But first: Another Route!

For crossing this bridge, I get a nugget. A nugget of what, though?

Guy: "That's my business." 

He takes off his shirt to reveal the NWO shirt of Team Rocket, then demands over and over that our hero join them. You may have given me a Nugget, but I wouldn't join you if you gave me two-hundred Nuggets!

I saw this guy standing here with a Charmander and was really hoping he'd trade it away in some form. Turns out he just gives it away, and now I've got two out of three Gen 1 starters. Just need to find Squirtle now. Where could he be?

*Final Fantasy IV character join theme plays* 

This guy is adorb, and probably my favorite Gen 1 starter. They're all so cool, though.

Razzle-Dazzle!

While the visuals aren't modern high-def, the game can still look impressive with the right colors and vistas. It's certainly an improvement from the Game Boy and Game Boy Advance iterations.

Everybody's leveling up like crazy due to how much exp the "battles" give out, and I could see this game flying by at this rate.

NO! BULBY!

Well, he doesn't look that different at least, just angrier. This is probably the best of the tier 2 starter forms. It also means that when I get Squirtle, he unfortunately won't be Squirtle for long at all.

NO! NOT CHARMANDER TOO!

He becomes an angsty teenager with a penis on his head, and that's all she wrote for my favorite starter. #GoneTooSoon

….okay? I wonder if he's one of those douchebags who brags about how hot his girlfriend is, then wants to punch people for talking to her.

OH GOD, HIKER MARCOS IS CLOSING IN! He's like the monster from It Follows.

We get a great reference to The Fly here, as Bill accidentally combined himself with a Pokémon via a teleportation device. Between this and the Jurassic Park references with the fossils, someone on the development team was a Jeff Goldblum fan.

The most important takeaway from this: It's safe to say we'd all be in a lot less trouble today if Bill Clinton didn't try to "combine" with things so much.

"Listen, toots, it'll be the day when a skirt like you tells BILL what to do!" yells the former President. Well I never! Pikachu is shocked!

I flip the switches on the teleporters, and Bill is back to normal. He immediately starts talking about sex. I DON'T. EVEN.


* - I said I'd talk about how I didn't play most of this series until the last couple of years. It's true. Here's when I actually played each Pokémon game:

Blue (Gen 1) - 1998

Diamond (Gen 4) - 2007 to 2010 (yeah it took me a super long time to get through, this version of Gen 4 is SO SLOW)

Black (Gen 5) - 2015
Black 2 (Gen 5) - 2015
X (Gen 6) - 2015
Yellow (Gen 1) - 2016
Crystal (Gen 2) - 2016
Emerald (Gen 3) - 2016
Platinum (Gen 4) - 2016
FireRed (Gen 1) - 2017
Soul Silver (Gen 2) - 2017
Alpha Sapphire (Gen 3) - 2017
Sun (Gen 7) - 2017

To be continued.




1 comment:

  1. That route really does have the best trainer dialogue!

    Monte Luna!

    Geodude really is cool, and I ended up rolling with an Alolan Golem until the end of this game. He has an awesome beard.

    Neither is Aerodactyl, these are Omanyte and Kabuto.

    That Zippy Zap dude is a game-changer for the Eevee version, he teaches an OP move for each type of Eeveelution that exists. They all have bonus effects like the grass one doing damage AND activating Leech Seed.

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