Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Pokemon: Generation I (Part 5 - Sabrina and Koga)

We rejoin Pokemon Yellow in progress as Ambrose takes a break from DDTing random passerby to take on the Team Rocket boss and free the good people of Silph Corporation from their vile clutches. Also starring not one, but TWO gym leaders...and one future gym's going to be a mad house.

We left off with Ambrose about to tackle the Silph Co. office building, a slightly-annoying dungeon at the end of a line of slightly-annoying dungeons in the middle of this game.

I wish the foyer had elevator music playing, like the first part of Booster's Tower in Mario RPG.

The tower consists of a bunch of floors with teleporter tiles that send you all over the place. It's confusing without a map.

Oh, there's also an annoying mechanic of needing to find a card key to open any doors in here; until you find said key, you're constantly running into dead ends. Fair amount of Team Rocket goons in here too.

Atop Silph Co. HQ, Giovanni once again challenges our hero. Even though I'm battered and beaten from climbing the (short) tower, I win fairly easily.

Giovanni is a vile mobster, and if this were the real world he'd probably put out a hit. "$100 for whoever takes out Ambrose! $150! $150 and a BJ!"

The Silph Co. president gives me one of the best items in the game. There's only one of these, and it can capture anything with a 100% rate. Saving it for Mewtwo (the only postgame foe in the game) is advised if you're planning to catch 'em all or even merely planning to get Mewtwo. Otherwise, using it on one of the three legendary birds would work too.

The fifth gym follows shortly after that. Didn't realize how close I was to it when I ended the last episode. This one is Psychic-themed, and teleporters are the only way to move around the gym. It's confusing without a map, much like women.

I don't know what's going on with Slowbro...and I don't want to know.

 That figures, because even though he's from the future, Ambrose fits right in with the 90's Grunge.


In any case, all of her Pokemon are Psychic-type and they're all waaaay higher-level than my characters. Luckily the first one is just Abra, who is stoned out of his mind and mumbling something about "the Hebrews".

Next is Kadabra, here to give me a deadly dose of my own medicine. Literally, with that spoon. Luckily, my underleveled team is able to get off enough attacks between being one-shotted, and I move on to...

...the big mang, the one I can't get since I can't trade. I have to fight Psychic with Psychic for this one, and Kadabra is the last 'mon standing as they trade beams. Barely survived this gym, glad she only had three 'mons.

I thought you could see the future? FRAUD! FRAUUUUD!

God, I could stare at those legs for hours. Kadabra has a great pair of 'gams, let me tell ya.

I get a potent new Psychic move thanks to her TM. Since Sabrina is the cutest gym leader in all the land, Ambrose considers asking her to be his girlfriend, but she already left a note out saying "No".

At this point it's time to Wake the Snorlax, which is also how I refer to my man-parts in RL.

Small planes fly around Snorlax's head as he trundles around. YEAHHH! IT'S A BIG SHOOOOOW!!

The best HM ever, because it lets you warp around the world. It's essentially Return from Dragon Quest, though you still also need Outside. That's supplied by Escape Ropes, mainly.

 Speaking of ropes...

Next up, our hero brings his Bike Voucher (he found it while rummaging in the trash to piece together a dinner with some damn protein in it...too much junk food around here) to the bike shop, and the bastard who runs the place has no choice but to lower his price from 1,000,000 yen to 0 yen.

Ohhhhh man. Ambrose is now Biker Ambrose, the Last Son of Anarchy.


A PERFECT LIII- ::record scratching:: Dafuq is this, a bunch of other bikers are sassing me.

Not only does this guy wield a whip, he also sports a king-sized codpiece. Is he keeping an Ekans in there?

A PERFECT LIII- ::record scratching:: Oh COME ON.

"If it ain't white, it ain't right!" says the trainer. I did NOT see that coming!

Finally, I arrive at the 6th gym location, Fuchsia City. Fun Fact: I had to look up how to spell "Fuchsia". That word is NOT easy to spell, even after seeing it quite a bit.

 This guy thinks it's hilarious that I had to use a spell checker. You know what I think, dude? I think you hate us 'cause you ain't us.

Unfortunately, our hero has the upper body strength of an infant, so he can't roll this rock out of the way.

A nice guy in a hut supplies me with a fishing rod, which is a great way to catch aquatic Pokemon. Alas, aquatic Pokemon tend to be quite weak in this game, aside from the trio of Squirtle/Starmie/Gyrados.

Still, I take a few minutes to fish, sipping a beer and letting my woes be gone.

Goldeen is a magnificent golden fish. Them's good eatin'!

The 6th gym (...yeah, already) is a ninja dojo filled with invisible walls. They actually ARE visible, but they're difficult to see. I could make them out ingame but I can't in these screenshots...

After spiraling around to reach the center, I meet Koga: Ninja Mastermind. This guy is dark and brooding, and spends his days landing from jumps in cool poses.

Since he's a ninja, you might think he'd be rocking Fighting type Pokemon. Good guess, but nope. 

He's all about the poison, much like my ex-wife. And after all the sex I gave her!

 First up is Venonat, a...uh... ::puts on spectacles for a closer look:: ...the fuck IS that?

Venomoth is like Butterfree's evil Mirror Universe twin. Kadabra absolutely clobbers these guys, though their advanced levels allow them to do some damage. Speaking of levels, notice how the levels of Koga's Pokemon are pretty much the same as Sabrina's? Weird. Overall, this fight is easier than Sabrina, and they probably could have switched places and had it make more sense.

Also, Koga's lineup is the most boring gym leader lineup: Three Venonats and a Venomoth. Were they running out of time at this point?

What they don't tell you is that since this is an Asian restaurant, they literally mean dogs. There's a cocker-spaniel on the grill!

My zero remaining readers might remember the Safari Zone. This is one of the most memorable locales in Gen 1, a place where you roam around throwing Safari Balls at various Pokemon in non-battle situations.

It's a pretty interesting idea, and much like the fishing it's basically a minigame with a number of Pokemon to obtain. It also looks more like a traditional RPG landscape than most of the game.

Speaking of other RPGs, I notice that this game does the same thing Secret of Mana does: When you go from one area to another and the music changes, there's a momentary delay where the old music continues playing, then fades out for a second before the new music begins. Real talk, I really like this.

You may not be able to engage in battles in the Safari Zone, but you can throw rocks at Pokemon to soften them up for capture. HOW IS THIS LEGAL?

In celebration, Ambrose downs a fistful of Zoloft and goes to sleep on a bench.

He's quickly stirred awake by some jackass on the PA. Oh yeah, and I got the Surf HM somewhere in there, so now not only can I fly, I can rule the seas. TRULY, I AM POSEIDON REBORN!

Before we go today, it's time for some evolving. First off...Charizard! My favorite of the third forms of the starters, easily. (My favorite second form is Wartortle, while my favorite first form is a tossup between the three).

Note: I wasn't able to learn Fly until now because Charmeleon can't learn it and I refuse to put that tiny-peckered Pidgeyotto back on the team.

Note 2: In the Blue and Red versions of Gen 1, Charizard can't learn Fly. So this is a Yellow version change and a VERY welcome one.

"Hey guys! I'M CHARIZARD!" he says helpfully. "Watch out for my big teeth and sharp claws!"

He then proceeds to eat Pidgeyotto whole before licking his lips and bellowing "YUM YUM IN MY TUM TUM!"

Who knew Charizard talked this much?

Next up, Ivysaur evolves into Venusaur. Weirdly enough, this evolution takes place at level 32, while the other two starters go to form 3 at level 36. I wonder why this is. Did they think Ivysaur was underpowered and thus needed to move up quicker?

Last but not least, I make sure to get a few levels for Wartortle just to complete the hat trick. Venusaur and Blastoise are both formidable and all-business, letting their devastating grass and water (respectively) attacks do the job. Unlike Charizard, who just talks all the time and helpfully informs his foes of their imminent destruction. All three are gonna be mainstays on the team for most of the remainder.

We'll leave off on this. I get the final HM, which means our hero can finally move heavy objects like rocks. It also means he can now lift women into the air, so for his wedding photos he won't need to have Charizard carrying Sabrina for him while he stands there crying.


  1. Oh man, that Booster's Tower music. So good.

    I've seen Slowbro's further evolutions, and that darn shell has just about eaten the original Slowpoke entirely at this point.

    Sabrina doesn't play around, does she? Impressive that you managed to clear all of that. I usually go into a gym leader battle mostly fresh, if the trainers roughed me up I'll leave and heal up. Or use some items if I'm feeling lazy.

    The trick with fuchsia is remembering that the first part is the same as Fred Fuchs.


    In a way there is a Fighting-type gym in this game, but it's in the same city as Sabrina and it seems her Psychics moved in and took over the official gym status.

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