Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening #2 - The Sea

Why is there a picture of Princess Toadstool in a Zelda game?

...Wait, Christine? Who is Christine?

I used to think Crazy Tracy here was a guy when I played this on the tiny monochrome Game Boy screen. Now, thanks to the higher resolution, I can see that man-ness isn't the case.

This means it's completely hetero-sexual when she rubs medicine all over Link's naked body while Bow-Wow looks on creepily.

I finally return the chain chomp dog to Madame Meow-Meow and Link gets more TLC. What a man-whore this guy is.

The next leg of the journey takes us to the deposed King Richard, a Frenchman who... lives with a bunch of frogs. He used to live in the nearby Kanalet Castle, but he had to leave due to all the monsters. He sends Link to get five Golden Leaves from the castle.

This castle looks SWEET in color. Growing up with this game in grayscale gives me a ton of appreciation for the DX version.

Whoa! The Ball and Chain Trooper! This guy is a crowd favorite in LTTP.

He's the guardian of the fifth and final golden leaf, bringing this quest to an end.

The next dungeon is the fairly plain Key Cavern. Not a lot to speak of here, but it features the Link's Awakening debut of...

...the EYE BOSS! Dash into it repeatedly with the newly-acquired Pegasus Boots, and... splits into two. After that it's just a matter of finishing the two halves off with sword strikes.

The Pegasus Boots are another awesome item, letting you dash around the world much more quickly. Unfortunately it's another situation where you have more items that you want equipped than you CAN equip. You can either jump, dash, or lift things, but only one of the above.

Oh, I forgot about the trading minigame. I gave the bananas to a monkey, which led to Link getting a stick, which he gave to Mario so that Mario could WHACK A BEEHIVE WITH IT. First he huffed magic dust to turn into a raccoon, now he's whacking beehives? What kind of psycho is this guy?

The way to the next area is blocked by this walrus...and it's dreaming about Marin. Wait, is that? Oh God, it's getting a boner! Ewww! EWWW!

An alligator painting a nude hippopotamus is just another of the many colorful characters in this game.

The next trade gets me a pineapple from a bear chef. The fact that none of these things appear in other Zelda games is perhaps the best evidence that this world might be ALL A DREAM.

Another Frenchman lurks on a nearby cliff, starving until I bring him pineapple.

New to the DX version is the camera booth. Inside, a mouse takes pictures of our hero., not nude pictures! WTF!

Meanwhile, Marin isn't home. Too bad, because her dad isn't home either. She and Link would have the whole house to themselves.

There's Marin, hanging out on the beach in what may be the game's best scene.

It's a thing of beauty, this scene. Single-handedly makes me think that our hero should just stay on this island for the rest of his days. The hell with the personality-less Princess Zelda.

That's right, Marin has a secret admirer: The Walrus, Paul Heyman.

Link now "acquires" Marin and holds her up like an item. Hilarious. From here on she follows Link around for a while. Unfortunately, she doesn't bite and thrash at enemies like Bow-Wow did.

Our heroes soon fall down a well, with Marin crushing Link. And who is here to take a picture but the opportunistic Camera Mouse.

Marin: "Dean? DEAN? Ohmigod he's not moving!"
Camera Mouse: "He's bleeding!"
Marin: "Oh god oh god! We have to call for help!"
Camera Mouse: "...He's dead."
Marin: "NO!"
Camera Mouse: "He's dead and you murdered him."
Camera Mouse: "Quick. We have to dispose of the body."

At least we got a good picture of Marin's VICIOUS elbow drop.

Back in town, Mario joins us for another picture, this one by the town rooster statue.

If you try to beat up a chicken while Marin is in tow, she'll have NONE OF IT.


Marin sings, and the Walrus dramatically wakes up...then rolls off the cliff. Now that Link can continue into the desert, Marin heads back to town. Yep, no more Marin as party member. Back in town, she sings to animals. What a great lady.

In the desert, Link battles the Lanmola. Much like the Moldorm, it's an LTTP refugee.

Defeating him gets you the next dungeon key. From here on out the game loses a lot of linearity, as you can tackle the remaining dungeons at any time once you have the item from the previous dungeon (as opposed to needing to beat the dungeons or progress along the story path).

Dean poses with Bow-Wow for a picture, when...

...Bow-Wow attacks! RUN!

Next, Link has to deliver messages between people who met via online dating. Neither knows what the other looks like, so our hero brings photos back and forth.

The photos look nothing like the actual people. HILARIOUS!

That results in a broom, which goes to a nearby granny. She then flies off on it to look for the golden snitch.

Fourth dungeon entrance. Getting here from the place where you use the dungeon key (lower part of the screen) is a tedious process.

Miniboss here is the memorable charging squid. It's the last boss in the game that you have to fight in order, because...

...victory gets you the flippers. This opens up the world for exploration, since our hero can now swim.

In this case, I continue with dungeon four, fighting off Mario enemies in side-scrolling sewer areas.

Fourth dungeon boss is a GIANT FISH, not unlike the one mentioned in "Like A Boss".

It's easily defeated with a few spin attacks. Matter of fact, it's so easily defeated that the fight ends by the time you finish reading this sentence. Easiest boss in the game. It barely even moves around, has fewer HP than Link does, and the weak point is a big glaring angler-lantern that is always vulnerable. Yep.

On the flipside, here's a friendly giant fish. He teaches one of several ocarina tunes that appear in this game.

Problem is, I don't have an ocarina. This is fixed by a trip to the Dream Shrine, a trippy locale with an eerie bed waiting for you.

Got the ocarina. The music here is interesting, and almost sounds like 8-bit Secret of Evermore music.

Link goes back to Marin and whips out his ocarina. He whips it out right in front of her!

What follows is a rousing duet that draws fans from all over town.

Truly, Dean is a sweet MC.

Here's the odd imp who "curses" you to have to carry more items. I asked for more arrows, even though I don't even have the bow yet. I like how simple it was to get here and get an upgrade; no huge quests to collect 50 bugs or anything like in some of the later games in this series.

I'm kinda summing on trade quest coverage here. I manage to trade for a necklace in the harbor, which goes to a nearby mermaid.

Once she has her necklace back, she lets Link pluck one of her scales. W...T...F.

The harbor adventure continues as I arrive at Level 5, Catfish's Maw. Because every Zelda should have a dungeon inside of a giant fish. More on this later.


  1. Awesome, glad you're doing more with this. This is bringing back so many memories

  2. Crazy Tracy? Holy shit, Nintendo predicted Tracy Morgan.

    "The whole house" doesn't mean quite as much when it's just a room. On the other hand, for what you're talking about, a room is enough.

    Wow, I missed these Marin scenes when I played through the DX version a few years ago. The well fall is amazing. I missed a lot of the photo stuff it seems.

  3. The chomp dog is scary but who hasn't felt that a certain dog was like that? Especially among cat people. I can see the joke there.

    Crazy Tracy looks way bigger than you because she gets two squares for her sprite. Props on unlocking the erotic potential of that segment by the way.

    I totally forgot about King Richard. This game's NPCs >>>

    Tarin is definitely a Florida Man.

    The Marin and other picture icons used in this game are -so cute- and a great way to get around text length limitations. Really they are a precursor for emojis!

    You know what, this being a really happy place and Link still adventuring to wake it up tells us a ton about Link's personality. He just has to keep adventuring, you can't stop him, even if it takes the world down he'll still keep going because that's who he is.

    The beach scene. Soooo amazing. So heartwarming.

    The photo-taking must be especially nostalgic in replays.

    This double Catfish relationship with fake pictures is too real.

    Do any other Zelda games mix in sidescrolling? It's a fun break.

    How does picking a scale feel I wonder? It's great that Link gets to interact with so many women in this game, and I mean that in a gender equality way.