Saturday, July 20, 2013

50 Cent Bulletproof (Playstation 2, 2005)

Since I'd like to play at least some of a 50 Cent game, and want to be able to take screenshots, I decided to try emulating the PS2 50 game. Follow me as I test this ominous 5 GB file out. This is 50. G-G-G-G-U-NIT!

This game has LOTS AND LOTS of logos when you load it up, the hallmark of a bad game. Then again, the original Bioshock also has too many logos when you start it up...

50 Cent c'mon! "Bounce na, hands up, you know how weedo."

The intro switches rapidly between gameplay footage and real life footage (mostly of 50 with various ladies, like this one who puts a whip around him...that isn't PG!)

I didn't get a real shot at any of the ladies in question, instead getting a picture of 50 Cent's back. I fucked up, and I apologize.

Well I'll be. Instead of G-Unit, this game has him flanked by "Eminem and Dre". The video game versions of the two dudes barely resemble them. But who am I to argue? In the immortal words of 50 Cent: "When Dre involve der plenny money involve."

This game was released way back in 2005. In the modern climate of people shooting up everything with assault weapons, would a game like this possibly fly?

Hey, it's true. The most popular scholastic athletics in American high schools these days are football and Dodge-Bullet.

This game gives us some hilarious difficulty levels, but what you may not know is that they're accurate to real life. A playa is a guy who does just that, plays, and mainly chases skirts while still knowing what's up. A hustler is a guy who takes bigger risks, like drug running, to make a dolla. A thug is a guy who will get his hands dirty and rough you up for rent money. A gangsta is an advanced student of thuganomics who runs one step ahead of the reaper, and will cap a homie when need be. And just for this game, the fictional level of G-Unit Soldier is the most hardcore thing anyone can possibly be. A G-Unit Soldier is so bad to the bone, they're the ones the U.S. military relies on when Seal Team Six can't get the job done. Once they cap Bin Laden, they'll go home in time for a glass of courvoisier and then put a baby G-Unit Soldier into a supermodel. First sounds out of the baby's mouth? "G-g-g-g-g-ga ga."

....and the game begins. While I managed to kill an enemy or two, this is quite unplayable in emulated form on my computer. Suffers from extreme slowdown and green lines. I can't begin to express how much I wish this worked. It'd give me some of my best material ever, without a doubt. However, it seems graphically high-end for the PS2, and higher-end PS2 games are pretty much a no-go for computer playing.

Ah well, had fun taking a quick look at the game.

1 comment:

  1. G-Unit is wearing its own licensed apparel. That's intimidating.