Saturday, October 5, 2024

Onimusha Tactics, Finale: The True Genma King.


There are a lot of other things I could be doing right now, like watching a Super Eyepatch Wolf video called "How Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Destroys Me" or something like that. But instead here I am finishing Onimusha Tactics. I always finish what I start, unless it's Dragon Quest VI.


Oboro has never played a video game before. The bad guy always has a second form!

Nobunaga has many lives. Not an easy guy to assassinate!

Nobunaga's second form has wings and a giant eyeball, like a Zelda boss. Not sure how he achieved this, but fact-checkers say that it is historically accurate to Sengoku period Japan.

::music kicks in:: "Subu na shi shi shiiinamo!"

"Kintamo no kamet a wuuuu!"

"Sawe no ato sa wu ta bo!"

"Eeh ninjaka, eemasuuuu!"

"Hey hey let's go kick assu!"

"Taisusetsumono, protect my balls!"

"Boko gawu wii so let's fighting!"

"Letttt's fighting looooove!"

"Letttt's fighting loooooove!"

Nobunaga attacks with comets and space magic! Where is General Radahn when you need him?

SSJ3 Onimaru locks horns with Nobunaga! With his DPS output, nobody's got a chance.

Mitsuhide leaps in for the double-team! Don't forget about General Leo, he is certainly the #2 guy in the Onimaru Legion.

Nobunaga disappears in a puff of purple smoke, as Prince's legacy lives on.

Onimaru tries to pretend that the rest of the group contributed, but we all know whose band this is. Your party is basically a 1.5 person army by the end, with Onimaru doing the lion's share of the damage and Mitsuhide playing the role of Scottie Pippen.

Nobunaga is planning to set off some sort of nuke! Everyone run!

I think you should probably just go, dude.

RUNNNNN

Onimaru goes SSJ3, ready to hold back the nuclear explosion from Nobunaga while everyone else escapes! A more noble sacrifice we have never seen!

Don't worry, we'll see him in a cafe after this and share a polite nod from a distance.

Our heroes escape from Hell as it explodes, and we find out Ageha had Feelings for our hero. Fun Fact: Their kids would be one-quarter Genma. Not too shabby!

That's it for this game. Don't think it has any postgame, but I'll admit I didn't look too deep. It's a fairly basic and to the point game. Now for the ending:

Kotetsu and Kabuki go back to spending their days drinking. Let this be a lesson to us all: Being a drunk is just lame.

Elsewhere, the most powerful woman in Japan is bored...and horny.

Yoichi (of Yoichi Bow fame) pops out from behind a nearby rock.

Okuni has a huge ego. She should start a Tiktok with the sole purpose of taking videos of herself at the gym pretending that everyone is looking at her.

She then throws off her kimono and does some fairly un-erotic dancing.

"Who are you looking at?" says Yoichi.

She's then like "You wanna get out of here?" and Yoichi sprints ahead of her at top speed like a dog that needs to go outside.

While the city of Izuno shakes violently, Mitsuhide reverts to his Zhuge Liang persona.

He talks to his daughter...or the voices in his head, don't know.

He's going to bring the spirit he's haunted by around the world with him.

I hope Garashia floats away whenever Mitsuhide engages in any sort of hanky panky. Do ghosts have any etiquette about that stuff, or do they just look on creepily?

Some guy sees Mitsuhide talking to himself and backs away quickly.

If this game ever got any sort of sequel, it should definitely star Mitsuhide.

Shura has vowed to kill 1000 monsters.

The tough questions need to be asked.

Elsewhere... Onimaru stumbles out of Hell! He doesn't have a scratch on him because he's just that OP. These chicks don't even know the name of his band!

Oboro is thrilled to see her brother. Ageha is even more thrilled. Remember, one quarter.

Onimaru lets everyone know that if the game gets a sequel, he'll be back to render the rest of the cast redundant.

With everyone being reunited, it's like the end of Return of the King, except they aren't all bouncing up and down on Onimaru's bed.

...yet.

One thing is for certain. This game has made me want to play that Nobunaga's Ambition game. However it might be a better idea to whip up Samurai Warriors.

Nobunaga does the Sigma thing and sequel-baits after the credits.

That's it for this game.

Terrific game, really fun time. However don't go into it expecting Tactics Ogre level complexity or anything. Without classes, there isn't a lot of variety to this one. Also, Onimaru's dominance detracts quite a bit from the game. When you have an Orlandu for like 75% of the game, there isn't much reason to worry about the rest of the party. It's a linear game worth playing for the story, and that's about it quite frankly.

Here's what I said about it in the Big List of Games I've Beaten:

#217 Onimusha Tactics (Game Boy Advance) – Spring 2004

This is a pretty cool Tactics-style game with characters from the Nobunaga era of Japan's history. Like I did with everything else in this timeframe, I had fun with it, lots of fun.

As with most games set in this era, the objective is basically to stop Nobunaga, Hideyoshi, etc from engulfing Japan in the fires of war. It's really the perfect setting for a tactics game and it's surprising that this game is so generally un-sung. It flew under the radar for the most part. I'm surprised that this game even existed.

Note: Is Nobunaga in blackface? What is he, Justin Trudeau?

Fondest Memory: "Let's Fighting Love" from South Park being the unofficial anthem of the game. The character portraits were the best.

Other Onimusha Tactics Posts


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