The hat speaks. Forget about what to wear, I'll be happy if this brash punk can get through a formal occasion without making a drunken scene.
As is tradition, finding the Big Key is the next major dungeon goal after you obtain the main item. With that...
...you can reach the boss door. What awaits beyond?
A fire-breathing dragon-turtle, that's what. This thing is a fierce opponent, but at least it only has one head. Usually fire-breathing Zelda dragon-turtles have multiple heads.
The Minish Cap talks about the first time he saw Zelda wearing yoga pants in Breath of the Wild.
Visiting the Smithy gets me a new sword. Since we're closing in on the halfway point of the game, it's a logical time for an upgrade. Question is...when will I get the Master Sword?
Moving on, the Elemental Sanctuary is an interesting place. Kids can see the glowing entrance, while adults only see a plain wall.
This is where you place the elements as you find them. Two down, two to go.
Since I have two elements and the White Sword, I can split into two images now. Supposedly if I get all four elements (and perhaps a better sword) I'll be able to split into four.
I wonder if this game will explain the origins of that Four Swords business?
I pay a visit to Zelda, still trapped in the carbonite freeze. It's too bad, because she's missing an opportunity to have a sweet threesome with the two Links.
Vaati shows up, and he's still a dick. More importantly, at this point we discover that Link's hat isn't the Minish Cap after all; the hat Vaati is wearing is the Minish Cap. Well, that's anti-climactic.
I get trapped in this room and forced to battle a couple of Moblins for Vaati's amusement. After winning that fight...
...it's exposition time. Turns out that Link's Hat was once a man!
We get a flashback, as Vaati transforms that man into the hat we see today. It's the saddest thing since Magus turned Glenn into Frog.
This guy teaches Link how to break pots with sword swings.
Would have been SUPER useful to be able to do this in Link's Awakening. Having to constantly switch the bracelet on and off was one of the most tedious aspects of that game.
I finally give in at this point and buy the Boomerang. It's as bad as I thought, and only stuns enemies. It'd be okay if it had a long range, but it only reaches a few tiles over.
Next up is a Piece of Heart spree. I've gone for 100% on hearts in every 2D Zelda game I've played except one: A Link to the Past. That's something I'll definitely go for when I get back to it.
At this point I took a break from the game for about a month. I've got lots of hearts, but no clue what I'm doing. Political joke here!
Returning to the game on this screen...yeah, no clue what to do. Got a ton of hearts though...
These faerie springs are always a fun time. Donate a bunch of rupees and collect loots!
My wallet continues to grow...and continues to be empty. I can carry a maximum of 500 rupees now.
Our hero stumbles upon a dastardly clown room, where clowns try to figure out how the hell magnets work.
"I'm busy masturbating! Go away!"
I thought only women did that, now I find out houses too?
I thought only women did that, now I find out houses too?
Our hero shrinks down and climbs up to the rafters of a bakery, where he finds small carney folk hoarding baked goods...and rupees.
I think I finally figured out what I'm supposed to be doing. Here, Link harnesses the power of two and pushes a block out of the way.
Link gets the Highlander buzz and senses another immortal. It is, of course, the dastardly Vaati.
He's in the King's throne room! That bastard! ...wait, I thought he already took over the castle.
Vaati possesses the king, and he's suddenly doling out orders.
He also thinks we need to go after the families of terrorists. Those damn kids had it coming, he says.
Link is oblivious to all of these developments, and stumbles around in the swamp. He's hunting for heart pieces aimlessly while the kingdom burns!
That's beautiful. Beautiful...and poetic.
And on that note...moments after this picture was taken, Link started milking Malon.
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