Friday, September 2, 2016

Pokemon: Generation II (Part 2 - Bugsy and Whitney)

 "Psst. Hey, buddy. Want to see the REAL hardcore shit? Pokemon Yellow was nothing. Pokemon Crystal is extreme."

Sprout Tower is the next dungeon after the first gym, but you can also do it before said gym. As the name implies, it's full of Bellsprouts.

This lady on the first floor explains why the second floor is shaking violently. Either they're training, or it's the world's most intense Poke-orgy.

The tower is full of monks. Growlithe wreaks havoc here, especially once he learns Ember.

Broken Matt appears atop the tower as haunting piano melodies waft in from somewhere. The monks don't want to teach him the fine art of Flash since he isn't kind to his Pokemen.

"Nonsense! Pokemon are the ONLY tools for war, Brother Nero Monk. The Great War is coming."

He really lays down the insults. "Fools who babble"? Oh, how ribald!

Regardless, Broken Matt addresses our hero in the aristocratic dialect of the year 3000.

 He leaves without a fight, surprisingly, and the monk gives me the Flash HM. Now I can explore the Stephanie McMahon Cave. Not for a while though, got plenty of other places to go first.

That egg I've been lugging around mercifully hatches, giving me...Togepi? This weird little critter is pretty random (as in, its main attack is randomized, meaning it could bust out a Psybeam at any time), but it can be interesting. Can't tell if it's a legit Psychic type or a proto-Fairy type. 

Next up is Union Cave: No relation to The Union of WWF fame. You'd think you'd need Flash to get through here since it's the next area, don't. Weird. The game seems somewhat non-linear during this phase.

It's a dark time for Johto, as fire-breathing murder clowns are running wild.

After crossing the cave, I reach the next town: Azalea. There's a dungeon right outside town, but right now it's guarded by a cop. Luckily this is 2000 and not 2016, so the cop isn't a boss fight.

...probably down into that "Slowpoke Well" outside town.

Some guy is blocking the gym door for no reason. GET OUT OF THE WAY.

This means another side-quest, after which the door guy will magically disappear. It involves asking Blacksmith and Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt to make balls.

Kurt don't have time for that shiet, though. He's busy inventing new suplexes. It's damn true!

But seriously, Kurt explains that Team Rocket has been chopping off Slowpoke tails (...WTAF) and runs off to stop them. This leaves Nanako alone to sit in front of the TV.

Unfortunately, Kurt immediately hurt his back after arriving in the well. It's up to Nero now!

I'm disappointed. He broke his freakin' neck and still won an Olympic Gold Medal, but he trips and hurts his back in a cave and THAT stops him?

Also, what the hell Nintendo? I get that they want Team Rocket to be these vile poachers, but this is a bit much.

Well, that's random. "You've got mail!" says the eerie-looking Slowpoke.

Team Rocket are way more dickish than they were in the first gen, and that's saying a lot.

In response, I send Growlithe to set their heads on fire. Now they will look like Super Saiyans!

Kurt shows up to congratulate our hero. He then snaps and puts an ankle lock on the referee!

Uh...thanks, Kurt.

Yeah, I get it dude, stop using "BALLS" in every sentence.

The good news is that the Slowpokes are all growing their tails back. They must be Namekian.

But wait! Our hero has been spotted!

 Violin music wafts in as Broken Matt Hardy confronts Nero on the edge of town.

 That's right, he's back for more. Dude, what did I do to you?

"You shall be...DELEEEEETED!"


His Chikorita has evolved into a Bayleef. More like BAE-leef, am I right?

...I'll show myself out.

His main is strong against my main, but Growlithe nullifies that advantage.

"USELESS!" he screeches. "USELESSSSSSSS!"

Meanwhile, Totodile looks on creepily.

 "They are all BROTHER NEROES" he says before driving away on his lawnmower.

He'll be back, and when he will be Massacre.

Moving on, these creepy hell-twins accost our hero in the second gym. Everyone here uses bug-type Pokemon.

Fun Fact: One of these twins may or may not grow up to be May in Generation III. ...probably not.

The aptly-named Bugsy is the boss here. He's a cocky little punk who collects bugs. It's another easy boss fight; matter of fact, this gym probably should have been the first gym in the game.

His first 'mon is...Metapod? What? Seriously?

It turns out Metapod can learn some attacks, as it manages to poison my 'mons. Kakuna also knows a few attacks. All in all, they're both still simple to defeat.

His third and final 'mon is Scyther, a total badass. I'm already noticing a pattern with this game in terms of boss fights: Their final Pokemon always seems to be much more powerful than their other goons. Like it's the REAL boss fight and the others are just taking up space.

Another pattern I've noticed: Lesser trainers often seem to just throw the same Pokemon at you repeatedly (with small level increases between them, maybe). I've fought waaay more trainers that did this already than I ever did in the first gen. It seems pretty lazy on the part of the designers.

 There's Bugsy, a Robin Hood cosplayer with a net for catching small vermin. Growlithe, once again, pulled his weight here. One of my short-term objectives is going to be to turn this guy into an Arcanine as soon as I can. Need to get a Fire Stone for that, which means finding a particular trainer, getting his number, and waiting for him to call. ...and waiting. .....and waiting.

The next area is a dark forest. I haven't mentioned it before now, but this game uses a real-time system where it keeps track of the hour and day, with certain Pokemon only coming out at night.

Clearly, this guy has been to Steph Cave.

The point of trekking through this forest is HM01, which teaches Cut. As in the previous game, it's crucial for reaching new areas.

A magical moment arrives, as Totodile reaches puberty and becomes Croconaw. He's bigger and stronger now, but he also notices girls and doesn't care about battles anymore.

Here's his new look. Speaking of appearance...what the hell IS that over there? Snubbull? WHAT ARE YOU?

Whoa, it's Bulbasaur from Gen 1. Unfortunately, this is a trainer fight. No catching him.

Another Pokemon that I'm fond of is Psyduck. I wouldn't use it in the party, but it's fun regardless.

Finally, I arrive at the third city: Goldenrod. This is the "largest city in the game"...which means it's full of empty buildings that take up space.
Heeyyyy. That's Picnicker Gina, probably moments away from robbing our hero to pay off her pimp Guido.

The third gym is weird. It's full of...boxes of rocks? I don't even know. It also has nothing but female trainers...and the ingame NPCs don't ever point this out, much less point it out constantly to beat it into the player's head like games of that era usually did. I love it.

As for the trainers here...they use a lot of Normal-type Pokemon. That's right...the blandest type finally has its own equally-bland gym.

Here's Whitney, the third gym leader. She's the master of Normal-types, and she's super happy. Probably because there are no men around.

Put on some pants, lady! And what's with the knee-high socks? This isn't the 80's!

First up is Clefairy, who has some decent moves. Overall, though, it's the jobber of the fight. This keeps with the tradition set forth so far. Which means her second and final Pokemon...


...sorry, got a little distracted there for a moment looking at the weirdest Pokemon I've seen yet. In any case, THIS is the real boss fight, and it is by FAR the strongest foe I've faced thusfar in the game. Massive amounts of HP and hits quite hard.

After thoroughly milking the boss, I win the fight AND get a refreshing beverage out of the deal. Give me a badge!

Whitney proceeds to do her best impression of Sanders supporters at the convention. This goes on for several weeks.

Leave and come back to make her stop whining about how Hillary isn't HER candidate. The Plainbadge is a lot like Normal-types and this gym itself: Boring. Let's just move on.

With Cut, I can now take a shortcut back to an earlier route. This leads to the trainer I've been looking for, the man with the Fire Stone...

...Schoolboy Alan. The lynchpin of my entire gameplan... is Schoolboy Alan.

Notice how this game is full of children? That's why I'm acting like one.

Schoolboy Alan is DAMN serious about education!

Nero gets Alan's number. Now I just wait for him to call with a Fire Stone, and Arcanine will be my new engine of destruction.

Yep...just waiting...and waiting. I gave him a call to see if that'd do anything, but nope. I wonder what Gina is doing tonight.

Wade keeps calling me to say NOTHING.

Somewhere in there I caught an Abra. Same deal as the previous game, had to throw a Great Ball at it at max health before it teleported away. Painstakingly leveled it up a bit while waiting for Alan to call, and now I've got Kadabra.

Yeah, I was planning to use a totally different lineup in this game compared to the previous game. I'm interested in seeing if Kadabra is the same OP caster that it was before, and if so, I'm happy to make use of it. The game has certainly gotten a bit more difficult as of that latest boss fight. Kadabra can be the one exception as a holdover from Gen 1...for now.

Also took some time to level up my Bellsprout, evolving it into Weepinbell. Is it useful yet? We'll see. I hope so, because I really need a strong Grass-type.

Fun Fact: Pikachu's porn name is Sparks Diggleknob.

Oh yeah. You better believe Pikachu has dabbled in some Poke-porn back in college. Homie's gotta pay the rent somehow, especially in Boston where a basement studio costs $12,000 a month.

Unfortunately, that was another trainer, so no Pikachu for me. Probably wouldn't utilize him regardless since he was a mainstay in my party last time. With that, my new starter has defeated my old starter.

1 comment:

  1. He should fade away and classify himself as obsolete!

    Well, now I know what Bayley's favorite mon is.

    Croconaw was the name they went with instead of "Awhellnaw"

    It doesn't have "tank" in the name for nothing.

    Bug catcher, picnicker... JUGGALO?

    A lot of kids early on for the bug portion of the game, but these games tend to make just about anyone you can think of a trainer, whether they be wee all the way up to elderly. Which might explain why pokemon-related things are the only thing anyone on the planet ever talks about.