Sunday, March 1, 2015

Lufia: Ruins of Lore #5 - The Tower Is Tall

Wait a second... an underwater utopia that is destined to collapse under its own excesses? Did we step into Bioshock? Find out, on the next painstaking chapter of Ruins of Lore.

This guy thinks that RVD looks like his hot daughter. ...I don't understand any of this.

Actually, it's more like Boston than Rapture. Everyone works at a place like Cheesecake Factory and has hobbies that include: Drinking

Don't worry, Torma! That's just Bau making love to his victims before they fully decompose.

Our heroes reach the past version of the sunken city. I'll tell ya what, I'm ready for this game to end. You know how some games come to an end at just the right time, and others end too soon, and still others drag on way past the point that they should have ended? Yeah, this is the last one.

The past version of the dungeon is... still mostly sunken, as it was in the present, and I get to do it all over again. Come to think of it, the enemies are the same too. Did they... did they just copy and paste the dungeon layout?

Here's Kraken, who pre-dates "Proto Kraken" of the present. Of course!

Got the objective of this dungeon.

Something to avoid: There's a portal just before the boss that warps you back to the beginning of the present version of the dungeon, which you then have to go all the way back through just to get to the past (and THIS version of the dungeon). No, I'm serious. There's a portal that does nothing but set you back two dungeons.

Something else to avoid: This game

Fun Fact: The treasure chests in the dungeon are all open already, at least the ones that I opened in the present dungeon. Yes, they're open in the past too. They didn't just cut and paste... they reused the same exact dungeon. Even for this game, which thrives on repeating dungeons to waste time, this is a new low.

Meanwhile, back in the present, trouble is afoot. Seems Gratze is kidnapping lots of townspeople in Gruberik.

In any case, rather than go to the dragon tower to finish this damn game, I have to make a detour to Gratze and do that irritating pipe-maze dungeon AGAIN to rescue the townspeople. I wish I were playing an open world game and could just let them rot, suffering whatever faction hits came with it.

What follows is an annoying chase where I have to follow this jailer around. Of course, I can never catch him via anything resembling skill-based gameplay, because it's all scripted! Gotta follow the script and do exactly what it says. Yay.

Fun Fact: This is the THIRD TIME that the game makes you do the Gratze pipe-maze dungeon. On the bright side, there are more treasures for an excited Bau.

"With this, I can more easily incapacitate teenagers!"

"Now I can escape from jail after the FBI raids my fridge!"

Meanwhile, Dekar is re-united with the girl he loves, and realizes what's really important in life.

...LEAVING US. It's hanky-panky time! Marin's bed-frame is going to need so much repair after tonight!

Actually, he just leaves to join the army. That's right, Dekar is gone with a complete lack of fanfare, much like Everyone We Like getting thrown out of the Royal Rumble.

So we lost the best character, but don't worry! We still have Bau!

"With this, I can more easily flee from the police!"

Finally, time to return to the Tower of Guidance. ...wait, what? Some new tower has appeared blocking the way with no explanation, and now I have to go through it just to get to the next place I have to go? Sure, game, keep throwing meaningless dungeons at me to pad this out! least it's an actual NEW dungeon.

At this point Rami learns the strongest attack spell in the game, which is only learned by Bishops. That's right, a healer class. It's their only attack spell ever, at least, and a decent reward for continuing to grind out the class well after you get all of the useful heals.

Wait...what's this? A puzzle? An actual puzzle?? MY GOD! Such things are the hallmark of the series, but evidently they became an endangered species in the time between Lufia II and this turd.

Upon reaching the top of the tower, a truly bizarre scene unfolds. Bau, you see, is afraid of heights.

RVD, on the other hand, LOVES being high. I guess I picked the right name for him! BADA PSSSH!

RVD 4:20

RVD climbs on the tower railing and... I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't know what's wrong with this guy.

RVD dangles from the railing, freaking everyone out. Since he's a mute, this opportunity for character development ends up just being creepy as fuck.


Boss fight~! This thing is actually a cool-looking foe. That or my expectations have been so diminished that any scraps they throw my way look awesome.

After beating this guy, it's onward to the Tower of Guidance. Finally. It's so inane that I was able to go to that place at will earlier, yet now I can't without passing through another tower. With no explanation. Yeah.

I return the four elemental stones to their respective statues. Said four stones were found in various dungeons, I may not have gone into that much. Regardless, now that I have all four dragon statues lit up (RVD joke here), time to see what happens. First of all, the bad guy finally appears. And he's...


He sics his goons on us, and a difficult battle follows. Apparently lighting up the four statues indeed opened a portal of some sort, allowing Ragule and his goons to appear.

Ragule then...just kinda leaves, and our heroes get into a bizarre discussion. Apparently, RVD needs to absorb "the other half of the beast's power" that Ragule doesn't have in order to stand a chance. The downside is that absorbing beast-power might turn RVD evil. Everyone then goes on about whether they're prepared to fight RVD. I'm guessing RVD won't, in fact, be the final boss, so this discussion is a waste of my time.

Next up, I have to traverse the snowy dungeon from earlier AGAIN. Why? Because I suddenly can't just move through it on the overworld map anymore. Even though I could before now. That's the only reason. Nothing happens here storywise that necessitates it, it's just arbitrarily in my way again.

The monsters are different, at least. Is that a modicum of effort I sense?

This place is still a confusing mess, and once again it takes me a while to get through. Having maps and such doesn't even help much, since there are so many one-way paths and nearly-invisible paths (like the climbable parts of this rock wall).

The forces of Gratze are here and- you know, it blows me away that the game can get away with having long-existing routes suddenly just disappear off the world map to force you to take the long way around to reach your destination. Which, of course, always involves repeating a dungeon.

Boss fight! This thing is the "Serpentine Dragon", which sounds really impressive on paper. In the actual game? Not so much. Like the rest of the bosses, this thing took a whack from the Midge Mallet.

Rami debuts the all-powerful Heal All spell. I am now officially unkillable.

Here's Rubius' odd sister, Irmis. Is this a mistranslation of Iris? If not, it's likely a reference. It's one thing for a game to earn its references, it's another to just trot them out and remind people of other things they liked more in the past.

Boss fight! Here's the "other half of the beast", and it's a doozy of a battle. I win, and RVD takes his powers. that RVD miraculously has the same power as Ragule, time for the final battle.

Meanwhile, Irmis stands around looking creepy. Maybe she's the heel. In the immortal words of Phil Collins, I don't care anymo'. I DON'T CARE ANYMO'!!


  1. I really have nothing to say on this game other than one word anymore:

  2. Rather than needing to end, this one needed to never start.


    no more... no more

  3. This was your best post yet on this game. I think you've really warmed up to the style you need for it. Bau is one of your best characters. That RVD-high segment made me chortle.

    Congratulations to Dekar on finding love and escaping this game, though I still don't consider this canon.

    I too am starting to wonder if the game designers just hate games. Maybe they've never played RPGs themselves?

    RIP Leonard Nimoy.

  4. "Congratulations to Dekar on finding love and escaping this game, though I still don't consider this canon."

    I don't blame you. That's exactly how I feel about Final Fantasy IV: The After Years. In fact, I would rather play Ruins Of Lore than The After Years if given the choice sadly! Sort of like how I would take the Swat Kats one and only crappy game over the Spice Girls one and only CRAPPIER game.

    1. Don't look now, but I'll be covering After Years on here some time in 2018. Tune in for that!

    2. And then perhaps you'll gather the courage to the Swat Kats and especially the Spice Girls video games much later down the road.

    3. Don't you just hate the lack of grammar check? My message was suppose to say:

      "And then perhaps you'll gather the courage to do the Swat Kats and especially the Spice Girls video games much later down the road."

      Sorry for the screw up.