Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Game Review: God of War 2

God of War 2

Kratos returns, swinging more pipe than ever

Playstation 2, 2007

Developer: SCE Studios Santa Monica

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Time to Complete: 8-12 hours



First thing's first: God of War 2 has a very noticeable lack of boobs compared to the first game. However, of the relatively few that it does have, the majority look like God spent an entire week perfecting them. I'm starting to think maybe these games need to more accurately represent the world's boobs with some imperfections. For instance, boobs with cross-eyed nipples.




This game is notably better than the first, at least in my view. Series veterans debate this topic to no end while sipping blood from their goblets. Personally, I find that my issues with the original are generally all fixed for this installment, as changes and improvements abound. The uninteresting environments are less of an issue now, as the graphics and variety of landscapes have both taken a step up.

An expansive environment

This game has some amazing looking areas, with more temples and visual masterpieces. Other improvements? There are more than three bosses. Lastly, Kratos finally starts to become somewhat likable as a "good guy" in this game. Well, for a few minutes...somewhere in there.

The Barbarian King hasn't been the same since the sex change

One thing I noticed early on with this game is that, aesthetically, it seems to almost be visually WoW-ized compared to the first game. What I mean by that is some of the characters, and their ridiculous suits of armor, almost seem to be World of Warcraft inspired. This isn't a bad thing, but I'm personally not a fan of those kinds of character/armor/weapon designs. Luckily for me, this only seems to be prevalent in the first third or so of the game. Fans of WoW certainly won't mind it.

Moving on, this game has a greater selection of weapons compared to the first. The first game has dual fire swords and one big enchanted two hander; this one has the fire swords, a slow yet vicious hammer, and a double-ended spear that lets you go all Dynasty Warriors on the enemies if you want. The variety of weapons here is good, but I did find myself missing the two-handed sword later in the game.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully."

As for the game's bosses... it's a veritable who's who of Greek mythos: Perseus, Icarus, Lachesis, Atropos, Clotho, and Zeus, among others. Also, late in the game Zeus unzips his pants and Releases the Kraken all over everything. Unfortunately, the Kraken is a simple and underwhelming fight but for the most part the bosses in this game are all fast-paced, fun affairs, with dull moments a rarity. Speaking of, I have to give Sony props for having Lachesis be the only -at all- attractive member of the Three Fates, with the other two bringing the ugly. If this were God of War 1, all three of them probably would have been perky-breasted, nubile young women prancing about playing harps.

And on that note, this installment has a threesome minigame of its own. This minigame doesn't hold a candle to the one in the first game; this is because for some odd reason they chose to focus on a creepy cherub statue for the whole scene instead of focusing on random bedside objects being knocked over. Worse, the cherub statue is peeing with varying degrees of intensity, culminating in a burst. It pretty much totally kills the mood. Still, it keeps the tradition going of Kratos' sex life being out of control. What do you get for the God of War who has everything? STD self-testing kits.

It has been recently discovered (by me, via playing these games) that Being Kratos is the #1 way to attract women. Unfortunately, there is only one Kratos, so the rest of us have to settle for the second-best method:


Bod Moogle Body Spray. Available at fine retailers near you! Mog's pheromone signature has been scientifically proven to cause women to fling their undergarments at him, typically while he's stopped at a red light in his swank convertible.

In closing, God of War 2 is more likely than not the high point of this mythical series. It is (by a good margin) the longest of the three main series games, and most people would probably say it is superior to the others overall. That said, people new to God of War won't want to start with this game. The storyline for the series flows from one game to the next, so starting with the original is crucial if you want to get the full story. Playing them in succession, however, also hurts God of War 2 a bit. Having done this myself, I started finding things repetitive after a while since little changes between the two games in terms of what you're doing at any given time. This one has quite the cliffhanger ending, as well, so you may want to have God of War 3 close by as the end of this game draws near.


Rating: 8.0 out of 10

2 comments:

  1. Bod Moogle: Available at a fine retailer near you.

    ReplyDelete