Mario RPG Pt 6: Step into the AM

In this installment, I take care of some odds and ends before arriving at the final dungeon of the game.

Previously on 24...

Mario: "THERE'S NO TIME!!! FEDERAL AGENT!!!"

o...ok then

WHOOSH.

The following takes place between 5 AM and 6 AM.

Mario: "I'll tear this dojo apart if I have to! What do you know about THE BOMB!"

Jinx: "Look, we've had enough of you pushing everyone around with your bellicose foreign policy!"

Mario: "Oh yeah? Well I don't go to where you work and tell you how to flip burgers."

Jinx: "But this IS where I work, and you are telling me how to flip burgers, as it were."

Audrey throws grenades! THAT ONE'S FOR AMERICA, COMMIE!

Counting bodies like sheep

It's unfortunate that he doesn't have anyone good to spar with. I don't have that problem!

After defeating him several times, he finally concedes. USA! USA!

Mario is OUR NEW CHAMPION.

Mario: "There's no time for food! Millions of lives are at stake!"

Mario: "Intelligence is showing that the seventh star is in Bowser's Keep! PATCH ME THROUGH TO THE PRESIDENT!"

Mario: "I need you to get that bus moving! HURRY!" ::pant pant::

Mario: "There's no time for boiling lava!"

Inside, our heroes are confronted by...

...GOOMBAS!

Man, was that movie bad. 

They attack in packs, much like kittens.

Mario: "The terrorists have flying koopas now! CHLOE ARE YOU GETTING THIS?"

Chloe: "Mario if you go through the wrong door the whole place could go up!"

Mario: "Damn it!"

Donkey Kong? I thought we saw the last of that turncoat bastard!

Bowser: "Magikoopa! We used to be friends, damn it!"

Magikoopa: "The world changed on 9/11, Bowser! I woke up! I'M DOING WHAT'S RIGHT FOR MY FAMILY!"

::scene goes slow-mo as the Lazy Shell crashes into Magikoopa, blood spraying everywhere::

::Mario turns and walks dramatically away in slow-mo::

 

Bowser: "Don't you remember me? We were friends! We even experimented sexually a few times in college! Damn it, man!"

Magikoopa regains his memory and gives me this ridiculous Box Ex Machina with infinite coins.

Meanwhile, Croco eavesdrops on our heroes after selling them some items. He's probably just wondering how they got all of that money. The short version? Thai Hookers.

It's deja-vu from the beginning as Mario battles Boomer on a chandelier. Boomer, not to be confused with Bowser, Booster, or Bowyer.

After the battle, he leaps to his death out of shame for aiding and abetting terror, in what has to be the saddest scene of the game.

...and here's the giant sword Exor, incorrectly called Smithy by many.

Geno Assad fires a howitzer at him. EFFICIENT GERMAN TECHNOLOGY!

...and Audrey follows up by swinging a frying pan!

::the sword sways drunkenly::

Mario: "DAMN IT! WE'RE BEING PULLED IN!"

::high-pitched screaming::

...and here's my favorite place in the game, one of my favorite places in any game come to think of it. I have no idea why, but it's a kind of magic.

WILL GENO ASSAD LEAD MARIO BAUER TO THE BOMB IN TIME? WHO IS BEHIND THE TERRORISTS? AND WHY IS AUDREY SO PAPER-THIN?

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