Sunday, June 13, 2010

Mario RPG Pt 4: The Passion of the Mallow

For whatever reason, Blogspot insists on completely screwing up my formatting and line-spacing, resulting in line spaces where there shouldn't be and no line spaces where there SHOULD be... not to mention lines packed together.

I would go back and edit this to fix it, because I'm not lazy... problem is, it takes my fixes as vague suggestions, and doesn't actually implement them on the page. Blogspot... you're on notice.

In any case, Mario rolls on, as our hero takes on Monstro Town, Bean Valley, Nimbus Land... and the massive-racked Queen Valentina.

Previously on 24...


::power drill sounds::

Meanwhile, Mario takes a moment to rummage through Toadstool's stuff.

Moments after this picture was taken, the CSI team found that the DNA matched the semen.


The following takes place between 12:13 PM... and 12:19 PM.

I successfully manage a Geno Whirl critical. I never bothered with Geno Whirl back in the day, because it's a weak attack and the critical isn't easy to time. Matter of fact, this is the only time I've ever had it critical. I assume this doesn't work on bosses...

"Damn it" says Mario, grabbing the hooded guy. "WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE BOMB?"

Here we see the greatest level-up spot in the game.

Protip: Use this star, then die without saving so it reappears, repeat.

It's the "pleasure Princess Toadstool" minigame. So THAT's where the God of War games got this idea!

Geno Assad calls on a Terror Satellite to fire death beams down on Belome, and once again send him packing... back to Crawford Texas. BYAWWW!

Mario: "Forget about that, we need to find the bombs!"

Mario: "Chloe, I need this door un-sealed!"

Chloe: "We don't have any teams who can un-seal doors nearby!"


Meanwhile, Bowser talks to some unassuming Middle-Eastern shopkeepers who showed up on the watch list.

"We have leeved here all of our life" says Goomba. "USA! USA!"

Mario: "They check out, so we won't have to torture them!"

Mario: ::pant:: "Do you have any information on the last two bombs? TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!!"

::Highlander-like flashback begins, then stops abruptly::

Mario: "Damn it! We have to move NOW!"

Mario: ::pant:: "The clues from the Three Musty Fears are the ONLY LEAD WE'VE GOT!"

Mario: "Damnit! WHERE'S THE BOMB!"

Mario: "The bomb isn't here either! It's just a bunch of flags!"

Mario: "The intel was bad! I repeat the intel was bad! DO YOU COPY"

Two birds with one stone, as I broke the jump record while I was out there. For that, Mario gets the Attack Scarf which has a massive stat boost. As for the three flags, Geno gets the Ghost Medal, which halves damage taken from enemy attacks. This stuff is ridiculously overpowered.

Sergeant Flutter: "You're slipping, Bauer!"

Mario: ::pant:: "I'll be responsible for millions of deaths if I don't shape up!" ::pant::

The legendary Bean Valley Dead End

A giant pirahna plant attacks our heroes in bean valley. NOW THE TERRORISTS ARE USING PLANTS? IS THERE NO END TO THEIR EVIL!?

::Mario grabs the shyguy:: "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR!"

Mario: ::pant pant::

A quick note: I LOVE THIS PLACE.
Seriously, how cool is this? I'm climbing a giant beanstalk here!

Mario: "Damnit! We need to get in there!"

Mario: "What the hell! That isn't Mallow! Are they trying to start a world war!"

You fool!

Mario forces a nearby shopkeeper (at gunpoint, of course) to paint them gold so they can infiltrate the base.
Mario: "we're in! Chloe are you getting all of this!"

He definitely isn't talking about Audrey Toadstool, who is so thin that she is invisible from the side. Like a sheet of paper!
Is THAT what the kids are calling it these days?

Damn terrorists! Now they're watering eggs!

Mario: "You son of a bitch! ...I'm gonna need a hacksaw!"

::Mario stalks around with his gun drawn in one hand and Birdo's severed head in the other hand::

::suddenly, Birdo's head falls out of the sky::

Mario: "Looking for this?" ::pant::

With every attack from our heroes, her massive, ridiculous, stupid rack bounces up and down. At least now we know where the last two bombs are, though. HEYOOOO!

After defeating Valentina and Dodo, Mallow is reunited with his parents, and much weeping is had.

The celebration would be short-lived, however, as new intel soon came in... 

Mario: "Son of a bitch! If that nuke goes off inside a volcano, the entire land will be covered in molten lava!"


1 comment:

  1. The hooded guy looks like the ghost from Tactics Ogre.