Highlander: The Series 1x08 - Deadly Medicine

Highlander: The Series returns with one of the worst episodes of the series. It's a comically bad episode... which is good news for this post.

Yargh, more like "deadly episode".

"Molly's Gourmet Deli" makes me think of the good old days when Molly was just a name, not a code word for the latest drug craze that rich white kids are into.

Some guy gets mugged, then the muggers speed off and RUN OVER DUNCAN. Ya know, this guy has such bad luck that if he were mortal, this show would have been like four episodes long.

Meanwhile, the Sassy Female Reporter is STILL not being made love to. Get to it, Richie! You're on notice!

Duncan gets rushed to the hospital. What if he heals and springs awake right in front of all the hospital staff? How does that not happen more often with immortals? How is their existence at all secret? I'm really not sure, but let's suspend disbelief for now.

Tessa being all sexy.

Her hobbies include drawing, sculpting, and all kinds of other cool things. She's always doing something fun.

Despite being in critical condition moments earlier, Duncan wakes up and is all "get me the hell out of here"

He quietly checks himself out and leaves, which is noticed by...

...Doctor Joe Pantoliano, who is having an affair with his nurse. Here he is doing his best Kyle Reese impression.

Pantoliano chases after Duncan and KNOCKS HIM OUT from behind. That's right. A short, mild-mannered doctor managed to knock out the mighty Duncan Macleod long enough to strap him down in a basement. Uh oh, this better not be going the route of Pulp Fiction. If Richie has to wear a gimp suit, I'm outta here.

The good doctor, seen here doing a Nazi Scientist impression, is going to do experiments on Duncan and figure out how he heals so quickly.

The next day, Richie and Tessa finally hear about the hit-and-run. Since they haven't heard a word from Duncan, they immediately go to the hospital to investigate. JP says he has no idea where Duncan is, of course.

Meanwhile, Duncan breaks free from his bondage in JP's basement. However, he has little strength due to being drugged up. This is the guy who, a couple episodes ago, took out a bunch of ex special forces Die Hard style. Now, he is being completely subdued by a small doctor. Wow.

We get a SUPER BLURRY POV SHOT to let us know that Duncan is on some pretty intense drugs right now. Maybe I spoke too soon about Molly earlier...

In any case, Duncan escapes and proceeds to stumble around in the streets.

JP goes out to look for Duncan, after discovering that he escaped. Unfortunately for him, his nurse girlfriend shows up and starts asking questions. Why does he have to keep so many secrets from her? What's in the basement? WHERE IS THIS RELATIONSHIP GOING? CAN WE HAVE KIDS? I WANT LITTLE DR. PANTOLIANOS RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE! MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING, JOE! IT'S TICKING!

Stuff happens, including: 1) The police investigate the murder of the nurse, and their search leads them to Duncan's Lair since they saw him driving Pantoliano's convertible. 2) Duncan manages to get to safety and get in touch with Tessa, but he was so drugged up that he can't remember who it was that kidnapped him. 3) They do their own investigation and find proof that Pantoliano murdered his nurse wife. Is this a Scooby Doo episode or Highlander?

The proof involves wading around in muck down by the river in an effort to get the nurse's camera, which has incriminating pictures of the good doctor.

They get pictures developed and learn that, indeed, the Mad Doctor was behind the murder AND the kidnapping of Duncan.

Fucking hell, look at the Sassy Female Reporter. She's walking around with her highly-kissable legs, STILL not being made love to. ON THIS SHOW. When else has any female on this show NOT been bedded by one of the main guys?

Sassy Female Reporters have needs. And those needs are hot.

She arrives at the House of Pantoliano, and being a Sassy Female Reporter, she will NOT REST until she gets THE FULL STORY.

NO! RUN AWAY!

She snoops around. She didn't bring any backup or weapons, and JP pulls a gun on her as soon as she sees his basement of doom.

Duncan and Tessa, done with their investigation, arrive to save the day.

Duncan is all "awesome, I get to fight another mortal this week, and he's a nerdy little guy too"

Duncan proceeds to administer a medically-prescribed beat down. I mean he just absolutely kicks the ever-loving crap out of the guy. Joe Pantoliano has become Joe Pinata-liano.

The completely one-sided battle continues until JP throws some solution in Duncan's face to momentarily blind him, then HITS HIM WITH A CHAIR

"BAH GAWD KANG!"

and then Duncan recovers and THROWS JP through the air, resulting in JP getting impaled on a scalpel. Well then.

Duncan escapes as the laboratory bursts into flames, carrying the Sassy Female Reporter to safety. It is worth noting that Duncan's hand on her thigh here is probably the closest she gets to being made love to during her time on this show. It's a shame. It's a damn shame!

The cops show up to question Duncan, who looks like he's drunk out of his mind. I shall call him... Druncan.

That's it for this episode. It's pretty bad, though it's still a lot better than Highlander: The Source.

This isn't the worst episode of the show. It is barely edged out for that title by "See No Evil", which I'll be covering a few episodes from now.

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