Secret of Evermore #7 - Metropolis

I used to think the central control area of Evermore was pretty menacing... and then I played Bioshock.

Now that game has a menacing central control area. I don't know if any other game has ever given me such a sense of impending doom.

In other news, now that Hot Dog is a toaster, he doesn't have to worry so much about getting the munchies. After he tokes up, he can just fix himself some toast.

Regardless, PREPARE YOURSELF for the finale of Evermore. Will Hulkster get back to Podunk? Will his dog overdose on pot? Will the final boss be an enormous, wildly vibrating metal penis? There's only one way to find out.

I try running the Greenhouse gauntlet with the lights ON... because I'm crrrrrazy!

It seems like it might not be possible. I managed to get to the end, but the very last flower kept getting me. It seems somehow unavoidable. Even used Barrier and it hit through that, unlike the other flowers.

 

I turn the lights out, and our heroes creep on through.

What the hell is Thraxx's head doing here? I can't tell if it's just the head or if there's a body back there. Maybe they're making new Thraxxes here.

A green Thraxx? Maybe this is a boss they never got around to implementing in the game.

At the end, our heroes meet the extremely gnome-like Professor.

He may be the founder of the place, but he's good. His evil robotic butler is the real villain.

Ruffleberg now sends us to take on Carltron. Alright, time to swing into action!

But first, the game has to slow down again as I'm sent to Gothica to find the energy core there.

IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!

...except it doesn't, and our hero retrieves it. Now that this badly-timed lull in the action is over with...

This is the greatest night in the history of our sport!

Now Ruffleberg turns over the best alchemy formula in the game. This formula kicks insane amounts of ass, as it reduces charge time down to essentially nothing.

While I'm out and about, I go and level the Neutron Blade up. Turns out that the sword's L3 attack, which I've never seen before, is VASTLY superior to the axe's. At this point it may even be better than the spear's. I take back my "bazooka obsoletes everything else" claim, because with the Energize formula one can dish out L3 sword attacks just as fast as they could fire Cryo Blasts, for even more damage.

So basically, Bazooka w/ Cryo Blasts is the best attack normally, but once you have Energize on, Neutron Blade's L3 attack slays everything. Also, unlike the axe or the spear's L3 attacks, the sword's L3 doesn't seem to miss. It's basically Crono's cyclone, with two rotations.

Hot Dog totally upstages the hero no matter what, as he LAYS WASTE to the wall of fans.

I play as Hot Dog here and GO CRAZY, blasting metal raptors left and right. Our hero won't be upstaged TOO much, though, and lets loose with the blade. Also, those metal raptors? They're pretty vicious. There's one earlier in Omnitopia, and it's more of a threat than most of the late game bosses.

After six raptors, the next foes to warp in are three Eye of Rimsalas. They aren't much of a threat, and I dispatch them quickly. The only thing here is that they can easily go all Night at the Roxbury on you and bounce you around.

Something I noticed... in-between the enemy waves, cleaning bots come in and clean the room real quick. You can take them out, and if you do, a metal spider comes in on the next wave. These little goons aren't very dangerous, but they have a pretty decent amount of HP. Weirdest thing of all is, after every wave, the number of metal spiders increases by one. So before the final boss shows up, you'll get like three or four metal spiders. I thought there might be a point to this (perhaps continuing to kill all the metal spiders summons CULEX?) but there wasn't. Better off just leaving the cleaning bots alone.

A doppleganger of our hero makes an appearance at this point...and gets one-shotted. I think they got the HP WAY wrong on this, since he has about one tenth of the HP that the Dog's image does. Maybe this was meant as a joke, I don't know.

WHICH ONE IS THE EVIL HOT DOG? DAMMIT I CAN'T TELL!

This thing, on the other hand, is pretty tough and fast-moving, and takes a minute to bring down. The key is to get it cornered and just wail on it.

Time for the final two big bosses. Magmar returns here in MEGA POWERED UP form, but I quickly dispatch him. With me dishing out energize-fueled combination hits like this, very few enemies could weather the assault.

Carltron's robot LEAPS IN, complete with El Generalissimo dictator shoulderpads and the most phallic minigun ever.

Our hero HULKS UP!

 ::points at Carltron:: "YOOOOOU!"

 BOOM!

 BOOOOOM!

The fight is over... way too fast. I pretty much ran him over like a freight train.

The ending has some weird stuff in it, like this hologram-walk Ruffleberg sends our heroes on.

Seems that without Carltron controlling things, the world of Evermore starts falling apart.

What follows are some pretty rad scenes in the stormy weather. For some reason I remember the amazing credits music playing during these scenes, but it doesn't.

Our hero has to go around picking up the Podunk refugees. Apparently if we leave, this world won't fall apart. I don't get it, but it's the culmination of our story, so let's roll.

I wish it were possible to explore the world while it's in full-on apocalyptic stormy weather mode.

After getting the band together, they all warp back to Podunk.

Our hero follows, and after the warp he gets an unceremonius, Kyle Reese esque drop onto the asphalt.

Hot Dog is in normal form again, too.

It was all a dream!

::Hot Dog is seen lighting up a joint::

...OR WAS IT?

Credits (w/ amazing music) roll. Apparently the Evil Twins are all in the circus now. What? I thought they all got blown up?

WHATCHA GONNA DOOOOO!

Finally, we discover that Carltron is still around, and back to being a regular butler.

DON'T TRUST HIM!

To the surprise of no one, he's STILL EVIL! Tune in for Secret of Evermore 2!

Except there was no Secret of Evermore 2.

Weird game. Weird, weird game. The ending wasn't great, as it was full of Ruffleberg talking really slowly.

The whole game wasn't as good as I remembered. It's amazing how great music can skew one's perception of whether or not the thing that it accompanies is also great.

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