The Punisher (Arcade, 1993)

 

Another really good Capcom arcade beat 'em up, this one never got released in the U.S. back in the 90's. Eventually it got added to the Marvel Vs Capcom Fighting Collection as a bonus. It's the only non-fighting game on there. Not sure what to expect with this, but it has two-player co-op so that's what we're running.

This game is so violent, it's basically what my elementary school teachers thought ALL video games were back in 1993.

Gonna do more with this so stay tuned. Probably be better to do Marvel Content right before the next Avengers movie drops, but I have terrible timing.

New York City! Criminals are running rampant, probably because the DA keeps dropping charges against everyone that gets arrested so he can spend more time pursuing his political enemies.

However, NYC has a new sheriff in town...

...Frank "The Punisher" Castle, who has NO RULES OF ENGAGEMENT and JUST STARTS BLASTIN.

.............I'm pretty sure this guy isn't actually a member of law enforcement Is...is this legal?

It's okay though, because Frank's entire family got murdered, so he's an authority on VENGEANCE.

.....why the fuck is somebody hanging upside-down?

It's awesome how Frank's wife and sons are all rushing to help the guy. Seems like a solid family.

WELL THEY'RE DEAD NOW.

We've got two characters to choose from! However it seems to automatically choose The Punisher if you're playing 1P mode. The two characters basically play identically anyway.

Bring a second player and have them press start and they become Nick Fury...before he was Samuel Jackson. He seems a lot more...furious.

GIVE ME TWO, UTAH

What follows is a pretty standard arcade beat 'em up where you go around punching your way through the hooligans of NYC. There are apparently no normal people, it's just NOTHIN BUT HOOLIGANS.

Not sure what decade this takes place, but there are a lot of mobsters in 1930's type outfits.

Nick Fury doesn't really approve of Punisher's methods, and is constantly trying to rein him in a bit.

Whacking foes, especially with weapons, results in giant sound effect words. Probably the coolest thing about playing this.

Can also find guns. Unlike the police and military, these guys don't have to worry about rules of engagement and waiting to get attacked first. No, at the first sign of danger they just SHOOT EVERYBODY.

For once, for ONCE, the bad guys don't have literally every advantage over the good guys. And all it took was the good guys being just as bad as they are!

Next, our heroes(?) battle a giant mech! Looks like Kingpin is behind the murder of Frank's family, and probably everything else going on around here.

It's important to take the time to smash up the cars of the mobsters too.

Nick Fury's cigar has not fallen out ONCE. That's just impressive.

This game has its own Andore. I break out the jump kicks for that one. Guy on the left looks like Ken from an alternate universe where Ken is an asshole.

Nick Fury may object to the extreme methods of Punisher in the dialogue sequences, but apparently not once the bell rings! BLAM!

This is probably what people will remember from this game, the BLAM BLAM sequences once the guys find some guns and just mag dump the bad guys.

Next boss is something out of Smash TV.

This game is a lot of fun with a second player, and a pretty easy romp. Just get everything between you and bounce them back and forth Night at the Roxbury style.

Not since World War Eleven have I seen such CARNAGE!

The next boss quotes Sting (wrestler). Our heroes fire back by quoting Sting (singer) and telling him he better send out an SOS.

This dude has a damn MINIGUN ARM. He also looks like Final Fight's Cody if you gave him an evolution stone and he pumped up to his Charizard form.

We meet Kingpin, and he looks like 2003 Brock Lesnar if he put the Potaru Earrings on wrong.

We get everyone's favorite, a sewer level. Has there ever been a GOOD sewer level in any game? Turtles In Time maybe. I think it had the Rat King and that sweet vehicle he drove. Let's check in with my Turtles In Time post:

Well, I got a looooot of mileage out of that Raphael and the Foot Soldier. Rat King and his car was a little later. I never did get a Shredder or a Leo.

Time to LIGHT IT UP as I find flamethrowers laying around and blast foes with them. Meanwhile, Nick Fury skips around like AJ Lee.

Next up: Terminators. Unlike the actual T-800, bullets work on these.

A horde of vicious women attack with swords! In this collection (as well as other collections) you really can't die in arcade beat 'em ups because technically you have infinite quarters. So we died a lot and just kept respawning. I won't be able to do that with the fighting games on the collection, I'll have to win those on the up and up.

Another robot boss! This might be the same robot boss and it has returned from the dead as a red version.

BLAM BLAM!

The only downside to these Capcom beat 'em ups is that before long I run out of things to say about them. They're all fun, they're all impossible to die in nowadays, and they're all very similar in action.

Nick Fury is all "I thought we agreed there'd be no more killing!"

Note: This is the worst possible thing to hear one of the surgeons say as you fall asleep right before an operation.

Punisher has located Kingpin: He's in a hotel in midtown. Punisher then proceeds to LOAD A BAZOOKA.

Nick Fury is like "Dammit! He's a rogue superhero with no regard for the law!"

Punisher gives zero fucks! He's BLASTIN THAT HOTEL!

I find a lance. This game has no shortage of weapons!

"This lance is going DIRECTLY up Kingpin's ass!"

"God damn it, Frank! Haven't you heard of the Geneva Conventions??"

BLAM BLAM BLAM!

Nick Fury: "We have Miranda Rights for a reason! None of this is going to hold up in court!"

Punisher: "Court? These guys are going to the MORGUE."

Kingpin is gigantic. Why? I don't know. Maybe he had some sort of super serum that made him giant.

BLAM BLAM BLAM!

Things get tougher once I run out of bullets. He spams this throw attack where he grabs his opponents by the nipples. I think the idea is that you have to throw his endlessly-spawning goons at him.

Well, that's it for Kingpin...just as the hotel collapses. Probably because that idiot Frank SHOT IT WITH A BAZOOKA.

I think by "ex-criminals" they mean dead. Surprised Kingpin had 366 goons left. That's 366 goons that taxpayers won't have to pay millions of dollars each to clothe, feed, and house for the next few decades.

Now the jails will have more room for the REAL menace: People that don't properly fill out their tax forms, and also people who inflate their net worth when trying to get a bank loan. Are we still putting people in jail for weed too?

They're even shooting the end credits!

This game really is what my elementary school teachers believed ALL video games were.

Punisher, inexplicably not facing jail time for all that vigilantism, now embarks on a truly impossible quest: A neverending war to cleanse the world of evel. Sorry, evil.

This seems like a terrible idea. You can't possibly cleanse the world of evil. You'll never get them all, and in the meantime YOU became the bad guy when you weren't looking by thinking you could decide what "evil" is to begin with.

Which is what Punisher is at this point. Once he kills enough evildoers, is he gonna look around and have the introspection to realize that now he is in fact the baddie?

As for Nick Fury...he went on to not really do much of anything. I hear he got a job at JP Morgan or something.

GOOD LUCK, NICK. GET IN THERE, CHAMP!

As for this Capcom Marvel collection...more to come.

I don't know much about old-school Marvel but I know who most of these characters are. I'll see what I can do.