Plok, Part II: A Christmas Diddling

Today on Plok, our hero has been diddled for the LAST TIME.

An angry fish greets Plok in the next level. It's like the Grumpy Cat of fishes. Is that a giant newspaper in the background? Why? How?

Riding a platform up at high speed is fun...until you realize there are spikes everywhere.

Plok dispels the Flea Army from yet another level. His rage at these fleas is a little over the top. I half-expect him to bust out a "MAVERICK!" like Mega Man.

With a name like Creepy Forest, why would you even go in?

Why? Whoever Womack Spider is, he hasn't done anything to me. Why do I have to fight him?

Plok: "I know you have weapons of mass destruction, Womack Spider!"

Womack Spider: "You infidel peeg! I have no such weapons!"

What follows is an epic battle where Plok squashes Womack Spider, saving the planet from his dastardly WMDs.

Womack Spider keels over. I hope Plok is happy. I HOPE HE'S HAPPY!

Great job, Plok! You just defeated a guy who has nothing to do with the fleas that actually attacked your island.

The colonial madness of Plok is astounding. This game is a work of genius if you read between the lines.

Plok battles more fleas as the game grinds onward. When reached for comment, the Democrats called the attack on Womack Spider a "Strategic Blunder"

The next boss is perhaps the most memorable in the game: Rockyfella.

He's a beastly foe, and the most difficult boss yet. The game really should have ended with this fight; it has a final boss vibe and it's challenging enough to be. It's all downhill from here.

The final set of stages is the homeland of the fleas, the Flea Pit, which Plok is declaring war on. Why am I still fighting? We got the flags back, but now Plok insists on taking the fight to the fleas (and all of his other enemies).

Plok is going down a dangerous road as a nation.

The Flea Pit is ten levels of hell. That's right, TEN. Not only are these levels super-difficult, they're kind of boring. Gone are the bright colors of the rest of the game, replaced by dismal caves.

It even has a new overworld. Oh God, it's really going to throw all of this at the player.

Powerup costumes are everywhere here, at least...as are new and dangerous mutations of fleas. It's like the Impact Crater at the end of Metroid Prime.

Plok battles a giant flea in his new tricked-out convertible.

This is weird. It's some kind of rocket suit, and Plok's helmet now has the U.S. flag on it.

And here's a motorcycle, which is fitting because Plok is doing a great Sons of Anarchy impression right now by murdering all of his enemies.

A helicopter! The powerup costumes/vehicles are the one good thing about these levels.

Now Plok is rolling around in a tank! He's just murdering these fleas! Violence doesn't permit violence, Plok! Two wrongs don't make a right!

They saved the best for last. The UFO is an awesome vehicle and allows you to zip around. Much better than the incredibly slow tank.

I'm starting to wonder the same thing.

This is it, the climactic final battle. There's a powerup box that I'm forced to walk through to continue. What will it be? The UFO? The musket-wielding detective? The flamethrower?

...none of the above. It's this AWFUL spring suit. This causes you to bounce up and down uncontrollably, and the only way to get rid of it is to die.

What...the...hell, game?

The egg-launching Flea Queen. Awwww yeah! Hot!

I proceed to die a bunch of times. It's hard to mount any kind of offense when I'm bouncing around uncontrollably, usually right into things that damage me. I could win this fight if I were in my normal form, though it'd certainly be difficult. This spring form makes it virtually impossible. You can take all of three hits before you're done, so there's no room to learn your new form. Who thought it was a good idea to force an entirely new play-style on the player at the last minute?

So, I do something that I've never had to do for anything else: I cheat. Specifically, I bust out an invincibility code. Yep, that's right.

Do I regret cheating to win? Yeah, to an extent. At the same time, it just wasn't worth the headache anymore.

I took ten hits during the fight that I won. Plok dies after three. That's how close I was to winning legitimately. Yep. I tried, I really tried. The spring shoes ruined it.

My final thoughts on the game? It's GREAT... up until the Flea Pit stages. The bosses are extremely difficult, but surmountable. I already touched on all of the good aspects of the game. That last 25% of the game kinda drives it into the ground, but if you only play up to the Rockyfella battle, it's a fun trip.

As for me... the last part of this game really angered me. Glad it's mercifully over.

Plok has now destroyed every nation that might have been a threat to him, so he can rest easy knowing that he's completely safe even if the rest of the world now hates him. I'm sure he'll live happily ever after under those conditions.

Wait, what? Is that "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner? Plok! Look ou-

Plok: "IS SOMEONE THERE?"