Monday, January 10, 2011

Secret of Evermore #3 - Halls of Antiquity

In the third chapter of Evermore, it's anarchy in the UK as the heroic Hulkster traverses the wonders of this mysterious, ancient world.

The following was brought to you by Nathan's Hot Dogs. America's favorite hot dog! Starring Rob Schneider. Rated PG.
"Whatchaaaa gonna dooo, Horace? Whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster and Nathan's Hot Dogs run wild on YOOOOU?"

Horace tells our hero that the leader of Nobilia is up to no good, so the mission is now to get the Diamond Eyes before the bad guys do. I'm pretty sure you can take on the Halls and the Pyramid in either order. They're probably the two biggest dungeons in the game... and the Great Pyramid is RIFE with errors, some of which are game-ending. Will I be able to negotiate this minefield of untested buggery?

This dude is Horace Highwater. He's to Antiqua what Fire Eyes was to Prehistoria. Basically, it was created out of his mental image. ...or something like that.

Moments after this picture was taken, Horace lit up a joint and passed it to Hot Dog, who toked furiously. How he toked!

"Whoa, check it out" said Hot Dog. "We're totally walkin' on the air, man."

I choose the Great Pyramid first, and do battle with these Stargate refugees.

The Great Pyramid is a really impressive location. Nobilia, followed by these two dungeons, is probably the best section of the entire game...despite the glitches. No joke. This part of the game has a sense of wonder that the rest lacks.

The interior is brimming with HOPPING MUMMY CATS! They bite and thrash, like gnomes.

The big loot of the Pyramid. Axes in this game...yeah, they kinda suck. In any case, I shockingly make it to the boss without falling to any of the game-ending glitches in the pyramid. I actually did encounter one...I couldn't open the first stone door after I got the Bronze Axe, and was trapped in the room. Looked it up on the internets, and it turned out that using Wings to warp out usually corrected it (and was a shorter way to get where you needed to be, anyway), so I used 'em, and all was well. Good thing I brought them.

It's ARCANA MANIA as our hero takes on the fearsome Rimsala. Arcana, you ask? It was an obscure SNES game, and the villain was Rimsala. Once upon a time, I finished it. Sometimes, late at night, I wonder if anyone remembers Arcana.

Rimsala itself doesn't attack. This spinning thing does...and it GOES NUTS. It's really difficult to hit this damn thing, but thankfully it doesn't have much for HP.

Another boss down, and it's onward to the place that may well have the best music in the game. Which is saying something.

Here we see our hero doing battle with the nefarious Mini-Taur while Hot Dog leafs through back issues of Cat Fancy, chuckling profusely.

A bit later, I get the newer spear. After levelling it up to 2 and realizing how tedious and time-consuming it is, I make the executive decision to stop levelling weapons up in this playthrough. I wanted to give all the weapons their due, but the game's setup isn't cool. I'll just use whatever I get until the Bazooka comes along, without intentionally grinding any more of them.

Here's the real boss, Mega-Taur. He's apparently some sort of weird fusion of Mini-Taur and Magmar from earlier. This fight is a bit more challenging than Rimsala, even with my levelled-up new spear. He's also the first boss to (probably) have more HP than Salabog... that overpowered bastard.

He DROPS GIANT STONE FISTS on our heroes. Dear God!


Hot Dog: "If you walkaway walkaway ahhh walkaway walkaway ahhh! I will follow!"

Our hero brings the Blue Balls of Antiqua to Horace. DUDE! THAT'S NOT THE REAL HORACE! HE'S WEARING GREEN!

Boss music KICKS IN as Evil Horace retreats and his goons ambush our heroes. This would be intimidating, but...

...I one-shot them...both. Man that spear is overpowered.

Arriving in Nobilia, the place is strangely empty...except for a chicken, who didn't notice everyone leaving for the speech because he was busy toking on a doobie.

Chicken: "Hey, man."

 Hot Dog: "Lemme hit that."

Chicken: "No prob, bro."

Meanwhile, Horace is unleashing some ancient evil or something with the gems I brought him, whatever. You know, I miss Prehistoria's silent dog. This new stoner dog of Antiqua is nothing but trouble. I guess it could be worse... the dog could be a fancy lad, or an obnoxious radio talk show host.

HAW! I like how the hero looks at the camera there. ...or the other people in attendance. I don't know. Man, that's a small crowd. It's like an ROH show!

I'm not sure if Evil Horace turns into Aegis, or if he summons Aegis, or if the dog statue itself is Aegis in sleep mode, but I'm thinking the last one.

I don't know what the hell Aegis is supposed to be. Some sort of control thing for Carltron, maybe.

Aegis has multiple masks, and is immune to attack most of the time. The only time it's vulnerable is when the mask is blinking, exposing the red eye. There's something ominous about this battle.

Not sure what this mask is supposed to be, but it's creepy.

This one is even creepier. Either way, the fight isn't too difficult.

After our hero wins the day, a NUKE is sitting there. Damn it! We have to disarm the bomb!

Luckily, this dude shows up and gives it a good hurl into the distance, saving Nobilia. Unfortunately, it landed in another city, one filled with adorable kittens. WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

A very large tunnel? You leave Ann Coulter out of this! Damnit! Can't we move past the partisan rancor!

I guess this means we're heading off. ...And that's Antiqua for ya. Probably the best of the four chapters of the game. Well, Antiqua isn't quite over yet, but all the good parts are. Next time, I begin Gothica in earnest.

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1 comment:

  1. "Man, that's a small crowd. It's like an ROH show!"