Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mario RPG Pt 2: Mario Bauer

The following takes place between 7 AM...and 6 PM, on the day of the Mushroom Kingdom Presidential Primary.


Our heroes eavesdrop on Bowser talking to his men about the bomb. Time is running out, we have to find out where it is.

TICKTOCK
TICKTOCK
TICKTOCK

Mario creepily peers at a young Dark Helmet playing with dolls. KID, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!

And here's Geno, who is basically the Assad of Super Mario RPG. He came from elsewhere to try and stop the Smithy Gang.

Although one could argue that Bowser is more the Assad of Super Mario RPG... Assad was never an onscreen villain prior to his turn to good the way Bowser was. For all we know, Geno has a sordid past that we never saw.


Our hero arrives in Rose Town to find a city gripped by terror attacks.

TICKTOCK
TICKTOCK
TICKTOCK

Explosions are heard as Mario Bauer tries to reassure the good shroom folk.

Our hero literally uses himself as a shield to protect the Grandpa while he goes outside to get water for the kids.

MARIO BAUER'S HEROISM KNOWS NO LIMITS!

This guy has a couple flowers in his house, but if you leave them alone he tells you how to get to...

...this trove. Not sure if you can get to it regardless, but DAMMIT, Mario Bauer is no thief!

An intense chase scene follows as Mario Bauer trails Geno Assad. We have to catch up to him before the helicopters arrive! THERE'S NO TIME!

Here's Terror Mastermind Bowyer (not to be confused with Bowser, Booster, or Justin Bieber), who is launching attacks on Rose Town from here.

You sons of bitches! Those people didn't do anything to you!

Geno Assad arrives, but he's outnumbered by Bowyer Fayed's squad.

Geno Assad: "You know who I am! You used to work for me..."

Geno throws off his hood. "IT IS I, ASSAD" he says, as Bowyer's panic-stricken men flee.

Mario Bauer charges into the room, gun drawn.

Geno Assad has heard of Mario Bauer, whose reputation precedes him.

Geno Assad with a KI BLAST takes out Bowyer Fayed.

...I have yet to get that to critical though...I hold down Y like it says, and it always does some minor amount of damage.


Second Star...disarmed, thanks to the Marvel Team-Up of Mario Bauer and Geno Assad. There are five more of these nukes out there, though. And we have to find them...before they go off.

One of the terrorists is still alive and escapes to go tell their mysterious master.

HAPPY DAYS are here again as Rose Town is saved.

Moments after this picture was taken, the shroom kid hit Mallow with a T-BONE GAZPLEX, followed by a GAZMISSION. MY GOD! YOU'LL KILL HIM!

...man, I wonder how inside that reference is. I wonder if anybody will get it at this point. This ain't 1999 anymore!

If anyone has any idea how to get this frog coin...let me know. Seriously. I see no way to do it.

On the other side is Yo'ster Isle. I forgot about this place...

Oh yeah? Well...shu' up!

...I tapped along with the beat pretty damn well, too. I might never understand this mini-game.

So he says while toking the doobie.

...and despite using all my cookies, I lose. I'M TAPPING TO THE RHYTHM!

 ...almost there...

...yeah, I lost. Perhaps I'm old and not "down" with the "beats"...as the kids say.

Our heroes change out of their bloody, bullethole-riddled clothes and into some Sweaty Work Pants.

Meanwhile, Bowser's army is really dwindling. He's losing allies faster than the U.S. under the Bush Administration!

Mario: "Damnit!"

STEALTH BAUER

SAVE THE KIDS, MARIO BAUER!

Damnit! That son of a bitch has a bomb!

I win the battle, and Croco begs for mercy, then...

 ...the ruthless Geno Assad shoots him in the head.

My God! SOMEBODY GET A MEDIC OUT THERE!


Mario:*pant pant* "WHERE IS THE BOMB?"

........

Oh My God. It's... The Bomb.

It fell from the ceiling and crushed him.

Mario: "Assad! We need to disarm the bomb!"

Mario: "NO! WE CAN STILL STOP THIS!"

Mario: "DAMNIT!!!"

Mario: "NO!!!"

*flash*

*BOOM*


*static*

TICKTOCK

TICKTOCK

1 comment: