Highlander: The Series 1x17 - Saving Grace

Closing out 2013 with one more Highlander post. This episode is a good one, mainly because Darius gets a ton of screentime.

Highlander: The Series 1x16 - The Beast Below

A lot of people don't know it, but this is also what women call Richie's penis.

Highlander: The Series 1x15 - For Tomorrow We Die

What a menacing title. This episode is the debut of Xavier St. Cloud, one of the most memorable bad guys in this series. Though admittedly, he's a lot more interesting in his later episodes; between that and various inconsistencies in this episode, it seems like he was intended to be a one-off and got brought back due to fan demand.

Xavier is the only villain to appear in seasons 1, 2, 3, and 4... as far as I know.

Highlander: The Series 1x14 - For Evil's Sake

This is the killer mime episode. It's the first one to take place entirely in France, and it's better off for it. The dramatic tone shift continues!

Highlander: The Series 1x13 - Band of Brothers

Highlander returns with one of the series' high points. This episode is insanely good. Legend says that Adrian Paul himself went to the writers and told them that the Cop Show wasn't what fans wanted out of Highlander. From here on out, the Cop Show is almost entirely out the window. The writers would get it back with spin-off series The Raven, once Adrian Paul was out of the way. Yeah.

Mystic Ark Finale - Terminus

"I'm the King" says Remeer as he looks out from the empty castle. "King of allllll the land."

Mystic Ark, Part 10 - Hourglass

 CINDERELLA MAN! CINDERELLA MAN!

He went to the ball in his wife-beater, lost his Nike shoe.

Mystic Ark, Part 9 - Darkova

Next up is the Dark World. This is the shortest world in the game by a longshot. It's basically a haunted house. When I first heard "Dark World" I had all kinds of crazy ideas bouncing around, so this is a little bit disappointing.

Mystic Ark, Part 8 - Colossus

Plowing through the last dungeon of the Machine World, as things take a turn for the creepy. You'll never win, Skynet!

Mystic Ark, Part 7 - Pharaoh

 The Machines, Sarah.

Mystic Ark, Part 6 - Navajo

 Mystic Ark returns after an extended break. The rest of the game starts now, so sit down and have some Tea.

Alien 3 (Super NES, 1993)

 I always wondered what the deal was with this image. Where are its legs? I suspect this is a chestburster hanging out in someone's stomach. Judging from the head, it's a baby queen Xeno. Must be the one that Ripley was "pregnant" with in the movie. Said movie isn't bad (even if it can't hold a candle to the first two), but this game is just weird. It's like the developers wanted to make a game based on Aliens, but had to do something more "current" instead.

The Magical Quest Starring Mickey Mouse (Super NES, 1992)

 Here's an old Super NES game that I'd like to highlight a bit. It's a surprisingly great game, and it's enjoyable in the Kirby's Dream Land sense: Short, easy, and fun. And really, I'm just glad to be playing something colorful and happy after playing The Last of Us.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (Playstation 2, 2004)

With GTA5 hot off the presses, I figured this would be a good time to finally get around to San Andreas. This is the next game in the venerable series for me, as I played GTA3 and Vice City previously. San Andreas has a whirlwind of hype surrounding it, and I'm not sure if it can measure up.

Come on in. Punch and pie.

Dynasty Warriors (Playstation, 1997)

Today I'm looking at the genesis of one of the more popular beat-em-up series' of the past decade and a half or so. The very first Dynasty Warriors is a cult 2.5D Playstation fighter, and bears little resemblance to the badass 3D games that make up the rest of the series and are far more well-known. For this reason, it's worth taking a look at.

Nintendo Power, Volume 52 (September 1993)

 Today I'm going to be looking at a magical relic from September 1993: Issue 52 of Nintendo Power (RIP). I just picked up a used copy on Amazon, so I'm reading it for the first time.

This was nearly the first issue of Nintendo Power that I had as a kid; I subscribed in August, but it didn't get processed in time to get this issue. Instead, the first one I got was the fairly underwhelming October issue. That issue still blew my mind at the time, but I can only imagine the level of mind-blowing that would have occurred had THIS issue been my first. I was an absolute Mario fanatic.

Highlander: The Series 1x12 - Eyewitness

The last episode of season 1's first half, which might as well be a different show from the second half. This is it, the big conclusion to Highlander: Cop Show.

Highlander: The Series 1x11 - See No Evil

Time for THE WORST episode of Highlander. But you know what? It's still better than The Source.

Highlander: The Series 1x10 - Revenge is Sweet

Tonight, the world sweats and trembles with suspense, awaiting a milestone in television.

What? Breaking Bad? Naw, I'm talking about the latest Highlander post.

Is it weird that every brightly-lit "Happy New Year" sign now reminds me of Bioshock?

The Donkey Kong Land Trilogy

Today I'm looking at a trilogy of games that are both sub-par and antiquated. But...they're only sub-par with the Donkey Kong Country trilogy to compare them to. Taken on their own, they aren't bad for the original Game Boy.

Note: This post will be featured in Banana Yellow, much like the cartridges for these games.

Valkyria Chronicles (Playstation 3, 2008)

Today I'm going to take a quick look at a fairly underrated PS3 game from Sega. It's a strategy RPG that transpires on three-dimensional maps. The story runs during an alternate version of the early-to-mid 20th century. It's incredibly unique, and I haven't seen anything else quite like it. THIS... is the Chronic- (What?) cles of Valkyria! I said the Chronic (What?) cles of Valkyria!

Hiroshi Yamauchi

Two words for the founder of Nintendo: Thank You.

Mystic Ark, Part 5 - Paranoia

Time for part five. This will be the last Mystic Ark post for a while, but I'll pick it up eventually and cover the rest. Sorta like how Breaking Bad season five is split into two half-seasons.

Mystic Ark, Part 4 - Sundial

Mystic Ark: No relation to Mystical Gohan. Or as I like to call him... Mystical Brohan.

I'd really like to do some more DBZ posts in the near future. Look at some of the games, like DBGT: Final Bout and DBZ: Hyper Dimension, not to mention the various NES RPGs that were way better than anyone should expect.

In any case, on to today's Mystic Ark update, as The Eighth Saga rolls on.

Highlander: The Series 1x09 - The Sea Witch

I always forget that this episode exists, because it's quite forgettable. It also isn't very good, in general. This is to be expected, considering it's from the first half of Season 1, which is the worst run of episodes in the series. This one involves a nefarious mobster and a boat. Featuring 10% more Creepy Richie. Batteries not included.

Highlander: The Series 1x08 - Deadly Medicine

Highlander: The Series returns with one of the worst episodes of the series. It's a comically bad episode... which is good news for this post.

Guest Review: Bioshock Infinite (PS3, XBox 360, PC, 2013)

Today, the "Deli Mane" Nick Vogt is taking a look at Bioshock Infinite. It's one of the best games of 2013. It's controversial. It's deep. What are his thoughts on the finished game? Read on to find out.

Suikoden IV (Playstation 2, 2005)

I've gone on record that I'm a big fan of the Suikoden series. The first three games in the series are good to great (though 3 is a step down from the others). I've never played the fourth... until now. This is because it sucks.

Game Review: Final Fantasy III (iOS, Android, PSP, 2011/2012)

Final Fantasy III
System: iOS/Android/PSP
Time to Beat: 30-35 Hours

For a long time, American gamers had no way to play Final Fantasy III outside of emulation. We got the (admittedly far-superior) Final Fantasy VI as our version of FFIII, and that was that. As for the original FFIII... despite two decades passing since the original version hit Japanese store shelves, this Famicom classic never got a direct translation from Squaresoft until the mid-00s.

Final Fantasy III for the DS brought the game to the English-speaking audience with adjusted difficulty, semi-three-dimensional graphics, and dialogue/story that barely existed in the original game. Now, years later, we get the third iteration of the game. This is a port of the DS version, upgraded significantly for modern smartphones. These upgrades include modern hi-res graphics that are far superior to the DS version, remixed music, and new postgame content. However, it's relegated to being on cell phones - historically speaking, not exactly a good gaming platform. Does this limit it, or does the game manage to shine regardless? Read on, as I review a cell phone game for the first time on the site. The game also exists on the PSP, but for the purposes of this review I played the Android version.

50 Cent Bulletproof (Playstation 2, 2005)

Since I'd like to play at least some of a 50 Cent game, and want to be able to take screenshots, I decided to try emulating the PS2 50 game. Follow me as I test this ominous 5 GB file out. This is 50. G-G-G-G-U-NIT!

Highlander: The Series 1x07 - Mountain Men

Time for the most entertaining episode in the first half of Season 1. This is partly for the wrong reasons, and this episode isn't exactly great, but My God, is it unintentionally funny at times. It's Deliverance-like in theme. A few episodes back, Richie made a crack about Deliverance, saying that "if somebody starts playing a banjo, I'm outta here". It's obvious that someone on the writing staff liked that movie and wanted to bring some much-needed Deliverance to our favorite series.

Highlander: The Series 1x06 - Bad Day in Building A

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Highlander: The Series 1x05 - Free Fall

This show and Miami Vice have some episode title overlap, weirdly enough. Free Fall and Prodigal Son - both Miami Vice titles. Deliverance / Deliver Us From Evil - both episode titles from their respective "evil main character" arcs. Wonder if they shared writing staff. Wouldn't be a bit surprised, since this show started right after Vice's end and all those writers needed a place to go.

This episode... is not good.

Highlander: The Series 1x04 - Innocent Man

I continue the show's weird first season with some small town blues, as Duncan battles an evil sheriff.

Suikogaiden (Playstation, 2000)

Today I'm looking at a very special game. It's an effort on my part to get my mind off of the disintegration of the Boston Celtics after trading their two best players to the Brooklyn Nets.

This is a DLC-like side-story / companion piece to Suikoden 2, one of the best RPGs on the original Playstation. It takes place during the timeframe of that game, showing you some of the things that happened off-camera. This game was never released in the United States, but it recently got a translation from intrepid ROM hackers. Let's take a look.

Revengeance: Samurai Warriors 2 and Mega Man 1's Rock Monster

Today I'm revisiting a couple of games that I played recently, as I put right what once went wrong and try to finish something that I couldn't before. One is the last stage of Samurai Warriors 2, the other is the Rock Monster / Yellow Devil / Pillsbury Doughboy of the first Mega Man. Can I overcome these obstacles?

Game Review: Bioshock 2 (Playstation 3, XBox 360, PC, 2010)

Publisher: 2K Games

Developer: 2K Games

Time to Complete: 10-12 hours

The sequel to Bioshock delivers more of the same Rapture that we know and love, putting a new spin on the post-apocalyptic hellscape.

Highlander: The Series 1x03 - Road Not Taken

Highlander continues with an episode that shows a bit of Duncan's past in China. He also battles a nefarious herbalist in the present. Good stuff.

Highlander: The Series 1x02 - Family Tree

The Highlander series returns as I cover another episode. In this one, Duncan beats people up with a pool cue and Richie learns about his lack of family. Not sure why, but Season 1 of this show has this weird fear of two-parters. The pilot episode should have been a two-parter (and I feel like it was supposed to be). Can say the same about "Band of Brothers" - the high point of the season - and possibly the finale episode as well. But since "The Gathering" didn't get the two-parter status it deserved, we get this for a second episode. It's a good episode, but it's... different.

Star Trek: The Next Generation Movies (Part 2)

My bullet point perspective look at the Next Generation movies concludes with the last two.

Star Trek: The Next Generation Movies

Today and tomorrow I'm taking a look back at the four movies based on Star Trek: The Next Generation. These movies were, for the most part, fairly decent. However, they seem to be a bit forgotten since they came during the post-TNG black hole of interest in the Trek franchise.

Since I'll be talking about Star Trek - and constantly referencing things like ship classes - I advise non-dweebs, nerds, or dorks to turn back now. However, if you do that, know that pussies who don't give Star Trek a chance are just doing themselves a disservice. Dweeb with me.

Tomb Raider (Playstation 3, 2013)

 

THIS GAME concludes the Three Decade Project with a bang. It's a reboot / origin story, modernized and better-ified from the old games in every possible way. Here's Lara Croft, our protagonist, looking sexier than she has ever looked before. This is probably because, for once, the developers weren't going over the top. ...so to speak.

This wasn't going to be the 2013 game, but it was recommended to me so I decided to give it a whirl. It was a good call. As the most visually impressive game on the list, it was a good choice to end the Project; you can really see how graphics have evolved since 1983.

I wasn't too big on the old Tomb Raider games; their gunplay and platforming just lacked appeal in a world that also contained Mario 64. The protagonist wasn't particularly compelling either, with her comical boobs. However, this reboot has little in common with the old games, reinventing the protagonist as well as the style of the gameplay. Join me as I play through, mostly avoiding spoilers (except for the early-game, which I'll cover), and giving my thoughts on this franchise-resurrecting game.

Kirby's Return to Dream Land (Wii, 2011)

 Behold! That's one sweet title screen. The graphics are borderline high-def with their intense colorfulness. 

It's currently the 20th anniversary of the first video game I ever owned...Kirby's Dream Land. It's only fitting that for the next degenerate post, I'm looking at the latest Kirby game. People think that Kirby games are for babies, but if that were true, there would be more z's in the titles. This game, for instance, would be Kirbyz: Return to Dream Landz featuring Mary-Kate and Ashley.

The truth is, Kirby is tough as nails. A tatted-up Kirby once made BOTH of the Bad Dudes his bitch while in prison. He has been a bouncer at some of New York City's roughest clubs. He also temporarily worked as a breast implant for Stephanie McMahon, showing his versatility. But like an extreme/hardcore/"x-treme" indy wrestler joining WWE, Kirby had to tone down his in-your-face persona before becoming a Nintendo mascot.

Assassin's Creed 2 (Playstation 3, 2009)

And now we arrive at what has to be the best game in the entirety of this Three Decade Project. Yeah, that's right. I can say with a lot of confidence that out of a list that includes Mario 64, Metal Gear Solid, and other great games of their eras, this is the highest point. It isn't for everyone, and it isn't perfect, but it is incredibly well-done and short enough that it ends before any of the flaws have time to show themselves. This is probably why people didn't start noticing the flaws until the two (very, very similar) sequels. Well played, Ubisoft.

Metal Gear Solid 4 (Playstation 3, 2008)

For 2008 I'm looking at one of the biggest PS3 exclusives out there. The graphical leap between this game and the last few I looked at is humongous, and this game shows off the power of the PS3 better than most modern games do. It also features the infamous Solid Snake, who I suspect smokes marijuana cigarettes. Reefers.

Warriors Orochi (Playstation 2, 2007)

Finding a good game to play for 2007 was tough. Really tough. My first thought was Bioshock, which I've already played, 100%'d, and don't really have any reason to play again. Once I decided to go for something else, I looked to Super Paper Mario... but it isn't great and I have no real desire to play through all of it. Aside from that, I discovered that my choices were nearly nonexistent when it comes to good games, as 2007's short-enough-to-play games ranged from Petz Catz to Petz Babyz. Why do all of these titles end with a z? Just when I was about to give in and fire up Teletubbiez Extreme, I noticed a game at the end of the release list for the year that piqued my interest. This is Warriors Orochi, which combines Dynasty Warriors and Samurai Warriors in a Marvel Team-Up for the ages. Yeah it makes no sense, but they do blend well and it's way cooler than Alien Vs Predator. Void where prohibited.

Samurai Warriors 2 (Playstation 2, 2006)

 Samurai Warriors and I go way back. In 2008 or so I played the first game in the series and enjoyed the hell out of it. This is basically the Japanese version of Dynasty Warriors, featuring mythical Japanese characters instead of Three Kingdoms era Chinese characters. All things considered, I prefer Samurai Warriors a bit because the soundtrack is more my liking (less anachronistic rock and roll, more atmospheric stuff). I was excited to finally get around to the second Samurai Warriors, but I couldn't have foreseen the abysmal black hole that awaited as I progressed in the game. Read on.

Metroid Prime Pinball (Nintendo DS, 2005)

For 2005 I'm going to look at a DS game for the first time on the site. This is the last Metroid game that I haven't written about for the site, so why not? I'll start by telling you something mind-blowing: Metroid Prime Pinball exists. This is like having a game called Dragonball Z Tender Girl Pleasuring.

Fable (XBox, 2004)

 

  The Three Decade Project returns with a game I have never played before until now. And on that note, the XBox clock is wrong, so the game says it's 2001 every time I save. Yeah, I wish. It's pretty funny to load up a game with "2004" on the title screen and have the save file say it was last played in "2001" on it a second later.

Highlander: The Series 1x01 - The Gathering

I'll be doing some Highlander episode reviews on the site. This was a cult show that didn't achieve anywhere near the notoriety that it probably should have, though it ran for six seasons and definitely had a niche. It has gained new life with DVD releases and Netflix over the past seven years, and chances are more people know about it now than knew about it when it was airing. It's a show I grew up with, and if you remember it too, you'll probably enjoy these posts.