Mario Kart Wii (Wii, 2008)

Super game here. Hard to believe this launched almost two decades ago, because it still feels recent. Like, the Wii launch (19 years ago) feels closer to the present than 1999 did to 2006, despite that being a 7 year difference. Yeah, when the Wii launched, the 90's felt like a distant fever dream. In any case, while Father Time has eroded most of my youth and vitality, this game hasn't changed a bit. I don't get to do very many Wii game posts, so this'll be interesting. Remastering this for 2025.

Originally Posted July 2016

Lots of options here, set over futuristic music that sounds more like something out of Final Fantasy XIII.

 The character select is HUGE. Too huge, actually. I'm not too crazy about it when modern games have super-sized character selects with Every Character Ever From That Series. I don't know how necessary it is to have four different versions of Sub-Zero be selectable, but there's something to be said for a small, simple roster.

Yeah, like that. I mean, you know who everyone is, it's concise, each one has a definite point to their existence. Then you've got stuff like...

WAOAAH HOLY SHIT

So here we are in Ultimate Mario Kart-bat 3 land. For whatever reason, we have to have baby versions of a bunch of characters. Does anyone actually play as these guys? I'd understand baby versions of Mario and Luigi since they appeared that way in Yoshi's Island, but it should have stopped there. They're taking up character slots that could have been used for so many better Mario series characters that are going unused.

  Not only do we get a returning Koopa Troopa, we get Koopa Troopa's skeleton. He looks like Koopa Troopa after holding a fence during a Sarah Connor nightmare.

Dry Bowser, too? It seems that the subterranean horror known as Toad has been busy in his workshop.

They say Hell has nine circles. Lost to time is the tenth circle, which is Toad's Domain.

This game also features bikes instead of just karts. Not sure how I feel about this. I mean, the game isn't supposed to be Mario Xtreme BMX. Here we see that sexy minx Princess Daisy on a motorcycle. I'm so glad they keep bringing Daisy back so we can get some redhead representation.

Eight cups here, and four of them are retro cups that enhance tracks from earlier in the series.

A huge stadium has gathered for WRESTLLLLLE! MANIAAAAA! The 6th game in this series.

For my first character, I choose... Funky Kong! ::air guitars::

The first thing that stands out about this game are the improved visual-

-the heck? I can't see! I! CAN'T! SEEEEE!

Here's the Zeldesque Moo Moo Farm, which is home to cows aplenty.

 Mushroom Gorge is pretty cool, also has the vibrant colors of the previous stages. As I was saying, the visuals in this game are the best in the series up to this point. Very nice. Technically the system specs are pretty much the same as Double Dash, but this game is bigger memory-wise and actually improves on the resolution from that game. It also has the "glow effect" that a lot of Wii games have that enhances the look. It still isn't HD, but it's hard to tell.

I take back what I said about Mushroom Gorge being "pretty cool". There are some trampoline-mushrooms that you need to cross, and I'm finding it very difficult to control the direction of my kart as I fly across them. It's easy to go hurdling into the pit with zero control over your fate. An uncommon misfire for the Kart series!

The final stage in Mushroom Cup is... Toad's Factory. The less said, the better. I saw horrors there unlike anything you can imagine.

Bride of Toad was following closely behind, but I won the gold for this series. It's worth noting that this game follows the same template as Double Dash where all of the CPU racers have very set positions. Makes it easier for the player to fall behind or lose, because your foes aren't diffusing points among them to give you the win.

Those Pianta folk from Mario Sunshine return here, and they're as weird as ever. Here we see them lining the victory route as our hero goes to claim the gold.

I was expecting this game to have a Mario Galaxy theme to it, following the trend of the series pairing the Kart games with the latest main Mario game, but it doesn't seem to. Perhaps Double Dash / Mario Sunshine was the last such tandem, and now this has gone off as its own series. Makes sense, they have enough Mario platformer material for a zillion Kart games already.

Flower Cup is next up. Wonder if DK Summit will be like DK Mountain in Double Dash. That place was rad!

Mario Circuit is fairly plain, except for the jump. My favorite part of these games? The jumps. The original Super Mario Kart had, I think, two major jumps in the whole game. These later installments have tons.

The Coconut Mall level is like something out of a Tony Hawk game. Unfortunately, there are no bonus points here for sliding down the sides of escalators or doing the Front Side Nose Grind on the freeway.

One thing I didn't notice while playing... the seemingly two-dimensional Miis looking on overhead. That there is some creepypasta fuel.

DK Summit is not the same DK level as the previous game, but it does have an awesome barrel cannon blast midway through. This one sends you upward past a bunch of ski lifts and cabins. Now that the White Christmas episode of Black Mirror has ruined snowy cabins for me, this doesn't have the same appeal it used to.

Wario's Mine is an interesting level. It has outdoor sections with a sweet view of a sunset in the background, then...

 ...the mines themselves, which are intriguing. What's he mining for? Has he run out of funds from selling his loot? Is he seeking uranium for nukes, like the New York Times kept claiming Saddam was?

Star Cup is where things get a little bit difficult, as always. It's also home to some VERY cool levels. Wait, Grumble Volcano? What does that even mean?

Daisy Circuit has an amazing sky, and that's pretty much what makes the track. Without that, it'd be a generic island stage.

Look at how happy Yoshi is. I can't help but get happy myself at this. ...wait a minute, is he driving the time machine from The Time Machine?

 Nope. Similar, though.

Koopa Cape isn't my favorite level, but it does have this neat underwater tunnel.

However, this level is particularly annoying because right before the end of the lap, there's a section with a waterfall that drags you down into a pit if you so much as touch any part of it. If this happens you instantly lose something like 5 or 6 places in the race, and since it's right before the end, you're screwed.

 Maple Treeway has great visuals. It's autumn-themed, which means multichromatic leaves everywhere. They're falling from above, they're on the trees, they line the ground... it's quite nice.

Behold, giant Wigglers. When I was a kid I really liked the art design of these things for some reason. When I actually saw one ingame for the first time in Super Mario World, it was a little bit of a letdown because they were smaller than I expected.

Grumble Volcano is a fire level in the purest sense. Still don't get the name. Is the volcano supposed to be in a bad mood? Weird because most of the levels at least reference something from the series and I don't think this does. How about "Barrel Volcano" to make it a Mario RPG reference?

The retro cups seem to evenly divide up stages from the previous five games pretty well. Each game has two to four stages represented.

You might remember this shot from Double Dash. It's the same level, and it looks virtually the same. Only huge difference is that I think the water has more visual layers. It isn't as Gamecubey.

 Yoshi Falls is from the DS game, and the major thing that stands out here is how simple the track is. It's about half the length of the usual tracks in this game and there's nothing complex to it. A lot of the tracks in the DS game are like this (it's still a great, underrated game).

 One of the Super NES Ghost Valley stages is next, and while it has the same destructable walls alongside the track, it's hard to recognize. This would be a good time to mention that bananas are still terrible. Yeah, all of these bananas that I constantly get? Well, I drop them on the track, but for the most part the CPU avoids them. The end result is that after a while the track is full of bananas that I dropped, which just gets in my way quite a bit. Yep, this is still a problem.

 Yoshi seems to be the best character overall from the few that I've tried. So far I've had good luck with him, and easily took the gold on the Shell Cup. It seems like Yoshi is consistently in "best character" territory for most of the games in this series.

Look at Waluigi being all evil. Funny thing is, standard Luigi still looks more evil when he drives past you.

Moving on to Banana Cup, Sherbet Land is a stage that I liked a lot on the N64. More of the same here, only now it has the Wii Glowy Effect (tm) which enhances ice quite a bit.

N64 penguins!

I remember this stage from Super Circuit. That shyguy pirate ship in the distance is hard to forget. Now it's got a pretty rad Wind Waker ish look to it.

 Delfino Square is another DS track. Gotta say, bringing back tracks from other games is a GREAT idea.

This one looks much nicer than it did on the DS, and Delfino City as a course seems like it's being fully-realized now.

Waluigi Stadium... I already discussed this in earlier posts, and it's still lame. Waluigi is such an uninventive character that even his level was stolen from Wario.

Leaf Cup is next. Since Yoshi is easily rolling over the competition, I'm going to go for a heavier character for this one. Dry Bowser's time is upon us! Desert Hills is another DS track, and again it's very simplistic.

Bowser Castle, GBA version. Another one that's hugely-improved with the visual update. This was a great stage in Super Circuit but it was also very pixelated back then.

In DK's Jungle Parkway, Dry Bowser leaps over a lake of pee. Damn it, DK! We have bathrooms for a reason!

The Wii version of this track also features Peach's Castle in the background, but it's the weird Uncanny Valley version from Double Dash (seen here in glowy slightly-upscaled form). We basically have two of this same stage in this game, since it has a "new" version and the very similar GCN version.

Well, Leaf Cup was fairly boring, but it did turn the difficulty up a notch. Let's see what the Lightning Cup has to offer. Hey, Bowser is back to normal!

Ah, I definitely recognize this. I'd know those multi-colored block walls from the Super NES game anywhere. They also nailed the simplistic backgrounds that were so charming.

Peach Gardens is a surprisingly complex DS stage. There's a hedge maze, multiple paths to take, and a generally good look.

DK Mountain... just played this in the previous game. The long barrel cannon blast is still awesome, but there should be a rule about these games not using tracks from the game right before them in their retro cups. There's basically almost no graphical difference in this case, and I'd have rather seen DK Mountain get a full HD version in Mario Kart 8.

Also, given how unhappy this mountain looks, maybe THIS should have been Grumble Volcano.  

I spend a lot of time shrunk. In first place, the CPU just does NOT LET UP with the attacks on you, and lightning bolts are perhaps the most irritating.

Another Bowser Castle, this one N64. Something I've noticed about this game - and I'm not sure if this has been the case in the others - is that the camera seems to really be tilted downwards. It's difficult to see much of the sky unless you're going upwards or going off a ramp. During normal driving, you're mostly looking at a lot of floor. Mostly.

 After finishing the Lightning Cup, credits roll. Wait, was that considered the endgame, not Special Cup? I will say that the Lightning Cup is by far the most difficult of the four retro cups, so it makes sense. I couldn't do better than third place on that last Bowser Castle track, but I still got the gold overall.

The ending screen is quite festive. I like that the player's Mii is center-stage. Or in my case, the Mii of the guy who unlocked everything.

Without further ado, it's time for the Special Cup. I'm eager to get back to new tracks designed specifically for this game. For this one, I dust off Mario. It's his game, so he should get the last word.

Dry Dry Ruins is an awesome desert level, complete with pyramids and obelisks. I think I have an official favorite level for this game, because this one is tremendous. Just look at it.

Moonview Highway has a bit too much in common with Mushroom City from Double Dash. It's got the bright lights, but it simply isn't as interesting as MC. Maybe because the camera is tilted down more, and you can't really see the cityscape in its full glory.

Bowser Castle is the second-to-last level again. The interior of the castle is all twisty and surreal, and they did a bang-up job with this version.

There's also lots of lava and brimstone, like KANE is about to make an entrance.

 This is it, the grand finale. GET READY FOR VERTIGO!

...VERTIGO.

 Rainbow Road is prettier than ever, as well it should be. I like the sheer density of the star field.

Our hero jumps to Ludicrous Speed during Rainbow Road's super-jump. I'm so glad the track has this. Got third place, still took the gold overall.

Credits roll again. Actually, finishing the Special Cup gives you the exact same ending that the Lightning Cup does, so it seems the game has basically a two-pronged finale. A little strange, but whatever works.

 That's it for this one, with Mario reigning supreme. He has culled enough favor with The Dark One for Toad to allow him this meager victory.

This series is awesome. So much fun. If you've never gotten into it, you're missing out. That said, I enjoy the first two games (SNES and N64) a lot more than the later games. It seems like the series became something different after Super Circuit. The Wii installment is fairly irritating in a lot of ways, and the series went south a bit when it brought in Waluigi and a bunch of babies. Still, if you can look past those things, it's a series worth playing. And it'll get a lot better real soon when Mario Kart 8 shows up and demolishes the rest of the series.